Long Pud Poems

23)   Both Red China and Russia have war vessels on the Bering Sea,
         in international waters, close to the coast of Alaska, and they
 ...

Read More

Christmas Day in our house
Started serene
Everything orderly
Perfect and pristine
Guests were all greeted
As if best friends
Little did they realise
This would come to an end
The spread upon the table
A glorious feast indeed
All looked scrumptious
On which an army...

Read More

Everybody knows that it's against the law for grown men and grown women to date all of the underage boys and girls,. let alone a 14-year-old boy or a 15-year-old girl. The law also states...

Read More

Christmas Day in our house
Started serene
Everything orderly
Perfect and pristine
Guests were all greeted
As if best friends
Little did they realise
This would soon come to an end
The spread upon the table
A glorious feast indeed
All looked scrumptious
On which an...

Read More

Don’t worry about being thinner
Get yourself off down the pub
Then go home to a good British dinner,
Of British traditional grub

Delicious roast beef of old England
Served up with a thick Yorkshire pud
With roast spuds and cabbage...

Read More

Another Christmas day is finally here
The very thought fills me with such fear
I have to try and control my old Aunty Mable
Once she hits the gin she gets very unstable

Uncle Arthur rushes in and opens...

Read More

"Is there anyone for stuffing?
Well done George, send us down your plate,
Auntie, if you've finished with the cranberry sauce
Could you please pass it across to Kate?"

"Brian can I interest you in my brussels?
There's nothing quite...

Read More

At ten o’clock each morning, the Barley Tavern opens up its door,
and every now and then I saunter down, just making sure,
that Ken the barman hasn’t slept in, so he might need a call,
to satisfy...

Read More

Past My Sell By Date

               
               ...

Read More

Christmas is creeping in.
I’ve seen my first quality street tin. 
The John Lewis advert is out
And the motorised reindeers about. 

Shop windows glitter and glow,  
Ladbrookes give odds on the snow, 
The eyes ...

Read More

“Knock, knock” “Who’s there?”  I haven’t a clue
What day is it? Who’s at my door?
“Here is some breakfast I made just for you”
Says some stranger who slept on my floor
The sight of the eggs...

Read More

Jam roly poly, treacle sponge
And sticky toffee pudding head the top of my list
But apple pie, rhubarb crumble
Or a decent cheesecake are hard to resist

Banana splits, eclairs or brownies
Dumplings, nougat, cheese board or mousse
Crème brûlée....

Read More

I remember those days when just a kid,
the old ten shilling note, and the odd quid.*
Teddy boys in their drain pipes, fur collars
smelling of nicotine, street wise scholars.
Conkers,* glass alleys* and comics as well,
bow and...

Read More

CRIMBO IS COMING

Crimbo is coming; soon, it will be the mad dash
Out with the credit cards, or plain old hard cash

Looking for the smelly’s, for that nice pong bath
Those funny Crimbo cards, for a good...

Read More

It was the night before Christmas
Not a sound was heard
Except for the sound of Mods
Discussing the Foxestalk message board.

The subject was a Christmas party
Which happened every year
There was always panic among them
As the dreaded day...

Read More

Facebook Facebook, penetrates my brain.
Facebook Facebook, filling me with pain.
Facebook Facebook, I look at it again and again and again.

Filing me with fear
Filling me with cheer
Filling me with dread 
And Filling me with tear

Facebook Facebook
I...

Read More

To put an end to the myth that Santa lives in Lapland

Santa is a Yorkshire man everybody knows that
People just say he's from Lapland, cos he’s round and fat.
Well Yorkshire men can be the same...

Read More

This poetic blurb not meant to annoy
divulging, when just a whippersnapper boy
me late mum and octogenarian pop agreed 
   without questioning why doctor best remove adenoid
pat response told less to prevent sole son...

Read More

On some English grass
On a piece of land forever England
Warriors of the realm
Take holy orders, on their Fathers grave
To defend the honour of their local pub
For this is the noble art of Sunday league Football

The...

Read More

There was Turkey and sausage meat, gammon ham too,
Four pigs in blankets for me, you and you
I did Yorkshire puddings and parsnips well glazed
Sprouts, roast potatoes: I’m thus far unfazed…

But then there was broccoli, cauli...

Read More

Cinderella's Christmas Snow-Ball
Once upon a bright snowy Christmas Day
Cinderella wished to go out to play
A snowball fight or skating, she would like
But the sad lass she never gets on ice.

It soon came to Cinder’s, out...

Read More

He wrote a big sign pointed to the sky
Aimed at space ships just passing by;
All Alien life forms catered for, it said,
Full English B& B with King Sized Bed.
He didn’t think about it any more
Until...

Read More

To stop the myth going around that Santa is a Scotsman, a huge hit on the radio here. So fo those that believe this is the truth.


Santa is a Yorkshire man everybody knows that
You just...

Read More

I love food. Sometimes a little much!

Food for Thought 
By Jan Beaumont ©?

Each country has food that they're known for
Their own local dish you might say 
Some are delicious and some a bit strange
And some...

Read More

I am standing 
  at the kitchen sink.
Your house, bling
Don't know why
  but I can't, think.
I am playing by
  the rules
But they keep
  changing
I have lost
  my tools.

Where did I...

Read More