Long Weenie Poems

Fred’s feeding his neighbour’s pet parrot,
He replaced its water with claret,
Poll dropped off her perch
Now Fred’s in the lurch
and claiming it choked on raw carrot

Big trouble is looming for Fred
As Polly is very much dead
The...

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The Lion that Took Revenge

There once was a lion named Lou,
Who got caught and stuffed into a zoo.
From his eyes there would always trickle a tear,
When he remembers the catching of himself that year.

Long years...

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It took him two trips to set it all up.
He kept it simple just the way 
he thought she'd like it.. 
A basket of fruit and ritz crackers
ham and cheese sandwiches,,,
and her favorite
a giant wedge...

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Her name is Seren
Yes the proud welsh girl, not foe, hopefully a  fren
The number of contest she entered, maybe a million
On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give her a billion

She has passionately...

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brothers we be, brother we be free


brothers we be
brother we be free
me and lil bro would have these sword fights
yelling fight to our deaths
yelling to the victor gets Kristina the neighbor's daughter
we were young
about ten
drawing...

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Crazy… can’t begin to describe, some of my Trolls, many ways.
But suddenly it was ninja this, and ninja that, today.
You should see them in black, though; they’re way too big to miss! 
Shiny baubles tied...

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Dedicated to the first amendment..


Censorship. What we can see and hear. 
Limited. Possibly to stop mass fear. 
Or perhaps, censored so we adhere. 
To the facts that remain unclear.
Some don't even know about it.
How our...

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his heraldic crest 
a donger and yarbles rampant 
upon a field of clover
it was a stone slab of course
donated by a few eggheads in exile
his best friends were his orgasms
shall we redefine the human condition
my...

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Little munchkin dweeb
                                ...

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Offspring between close family members
not biologically fit nor ablest
even if direct immediate relations
consider themselves best
buddies, emotionally intimate, and offload
heavy matters weighing down

on their respective figurative chest,
cuz lurking within brethren and cistern genes,
and/or chromosomes dwell deadliest
nastiest,...

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Having trouble writing? Just do as I have very recently done.

I decided to go on a vision quest, to find my special spirit guide.
But no one would leave me there, to meditate alone, by and...

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Overweight Terrier:
   Porky
   Yorkie
Un-cool Terrier:
   Dorky
   Yorkie

Spaniel dog breeder:
   Cocker
   Stocker
Parrot who mimics a Spaniel's bark:
   Cocker
   Mocker
Book on...

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I doff my fedora to the feller who invented pertater chips!
That genius developed the ideal thingy in which to immerse our dips!
How could we survive sans our weekly fix of Dominoes pizza pie,
Or a half-dozen...

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FOOTLES FOR THE BIRDS AND THE BEASTS - 

Bad-ass old bear:
    Grizzly
    Grizzly

Dachshund making critical life choices:
     Eenie
     Weenie...

Cougar from Arizona:
...

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FOOTLES FOR THE BIRDS AND THE BEASTS - 

Bad-*** old bear:
    Grizzly
    Grizzly

Dachshund making critical life choices:
     Eenie
     Weenie...

Cougar from Arizona:
...

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Dachshund headgear:
    Weenie
    Beenie

Frankfurter for a Dachshund:
    Weenie
    Weenie

Grouchy Dachshund:
    Meany
    Weenie

Un-cool Terrier:
    ...

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She is a lifeline in the blue-black of days
Curled on my lap, her sausage form rolls
All over the bed ... without guilt, without care;

Weenie girl Snickers likes to frolic 
In dim of night as ...

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Patches of choco brown and black wrap my fur
with  long hotdog body, I roll in loops,
“ Hershey” is what they fondly name me
flopping ears as mice and ants rush for a kill…
and with the...

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To the tune of "Itsy Bitsy, Teenie Weenie, Yellow, Polka-Dot Bikini"
Dedicated to Nancy Pelosi

Chorus:
She has an itsy bitsy
Teenie weenie
Brain inside her little beanie
And she uses it infrequently

An itsy, bitsy
Teenie weenie brain
We get the heebie jeebies
Whenever...

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Turn off your youthlight
and say farewell to the child
embrace the gist of it
WE ARE NO LONGER FUN AND WILD
Face the fact 
accept the fear
Examine thy cracks
between the front and the rear
Fun is no more
OLD AGE...

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Little, little, little,
Tell me how much I need to-
Whittle, whittle, whittle,
Whittle it down, get teeny tiny small-
What's the smallest word you've ever heard?
Or, the smallest thing and its word?
Hey, ancients thought it was sand for...

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Barbecue fellow meat
Sweltering in summertime heat
too much for the eyes
Unbearable to the feet

No need for the grill today
Fry the weenie without the roll anyway
Open up the mouth and say:
ANYBODY CARE FOR A CAN OF "OCEAN...

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There was once an old woman,
Who lived in a small village,
Her name was Matilda Schoeman
Like Popeye, she only ate spinach!
One day she went to her Pastor,
To confess that her neighbor was
Always nude,
This is a chapter
Of...

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It was my first summer job
I didn’t feel quite ready 
but I tossed all hesitation aside
it was time to stretch my wings

I felt lucky and tried to measure up
as summer camp counselor
on this beautiful woodsy...

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A wiggly  holiday bundle of energy
Snickers, my pup,   wears a Rudolf  outfit for fun--
Annoyed with long antlers,
she grinds around
ripping  an outlandish  costume, 
then fiercely bobbing  her tail;
while kids...

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