Lavatory Poems

Blue Cheese and Old Pickles

...
Have you heard the story,
in all of it's fun and glory.
It is about a young girl named Lori,
she went with a boy named John Dory.
She went running to the lavatory,
was this going to become inf...

Flush

...My lady wife does strange things with the lavatory brush
She stands it in the loo and then she activates the flush
But she’s my girl and not someone that I would want to chasten
Except she leaves ...

Seven Minutes Until

...|SEVEN MINUTES UNTIL OUR DEMISE

{"Seven minutes left; the insistent buzz in my skull would never abrogate, it preserved on being continuously strenuous. 
My whacks on the veneer of the tiles went...

Gangsta r

...



(Thinks) I Float like a Butterfly and sting like a tazer.
Mouth of the South, but my lips don't say (intelligent) 
words
Like Muhammad Alley Bin drive by shooting
Bin Laden with
delusion...

Foolish Folly

...Foolish folly in the house of putrid politics
Dirty deeds up their sleeves double-dealing tricks
Forgetting the homeless, ignoring the poor
Though staying between the lines of the law
Oh ! And th...

The Throne In Heaven Poetry Contest

...I hope in Heaven, there's no more pee
Because it might frustrate my Eternity

On account of my nephrolithiasis,
I'd rather not have to take a whiz

Plus the process would be shoddy
Until the R...

Ain'T Gonna Need No Throne In Heaven-

..."Will there be a need for a throne;
To sit on
In heaven
Fecal matter will it matter
Will we eat and consume manna foods
And do angels discharge sweat and waste
Oh! Are there need for...

No Toilets In the Sky - 2021 Version

...[To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky (loosely)]
                                *

Heaven’s almost everywhere but mainly upon high
Santa Claus delivers there cos he’s that kind of guy
The lac...

Malarkey

...he was making so much turbulence

that he needed windbreaker trousers

his farting more than gas from cheeks

but a fluid blown attack on decency

and common sense in torrential times


fu...

All Trendy Diet Fads

...As I mused in bosom stone, I presume for myself.
It wouldn't alarm me that I must do a diet program. 
Slight weight reduction will profit my life.
Weight might prompt some sort of a...

Frankys Party - Format Corrected

...Franky was seven and having a party
He told all his school-mates, except for Spud Carty
And once they had heard that Spud wasn't invited
All of them said they were really excited

And then at th...

Foreboding

...There is pain in the eyes, if time was taken, it would be seen.
   Busy are they, no time but to be blind, no visual hygiene.
      Dirty, is the way of the worldly, covered in the devils boweled r...

Glutton

...Always the last to release his spoon,
Still thinking it rather soon
Or hand in the kitchen’s key,
Now letting the poor thing feel free!

The Unlikeliest to pity his jaw muscles,
In all restaura...

What Do You Call It

...An answer to a question I really need to know
If you need to spend a penny where do you go
Everyone would say toilet that's certainly true 
However some people like to call it the loo

Some of u...

Plight of a Woman

...A diminutive girl, born in a colossal world.
Originate as a weed, no one like to plant this seed.
All and sundry cried and swept, feeling depressed
the outcome of their sleepless nights was not pe...

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