Long Lavatory Poems
Long Lavatory Poems. Below are the most popular long Lavatory by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Lavatory poems by poem length and keyword.
College
Study in your little garret.
Try, in your earnest youth,
To learn the ins/outs
Of mice and men, stars and storms,
The ways of your own future heart.
Fear and Motivation
Await just beyond the ivy covered walls;
So take this time,
Go to underground movies,
Heckle the Bible Thumpers come to save you from your mind.
A little learning can be dangerous, yes
But never so bad as none.
So you play Devil's Advocate over bad coffee,
Worse food
In featureless halls
While you bankrupt yourself and your parents.
This is the time of sex experiments upon yourself,
Neurons firing wildly under the influence of chemicals and sleeplessness,
Until one day you wake up,
Pad into some bland communal lavatory,
Splash water on your face to clear the clouds,
Look up into your young impassive face
And at last begin to study,
REALLY study.
Then somewhere a gate swings softly open,
And a true thinker stumbles forth
Into the growing light
Of the rest of their life.
he was making so much turbulence
that he needed windbreaker trousers
his farting more than gas from cheeks
but a fluid blown attack on decency
and common sense in torrential times
full of ..it he let go off all inhibition
and called himself the master of buzz
rose in the polls floated on hot air
mixed with the debris of foul thoughts
but no sweet talking diluted the fact
that indigestion or flatulence amounted to
piles of insufferable hatred and contempt
and the dung heap of his rancid utterances
were never far from the bum end of reason
semantics may cover up irritating smells
rhetoric designs unpalatable euphemisms
distinguished figures of speech propaganda
pretend to be perfume instead of vile stench
but ablutions in dereliction of dubious duty
corrupt even the meaning of four-letter words
when the revolution came and solid walls
of social injustice were filled with excrement
racist homophobic sexist slurs and other
malfunctions of power and marginalization
they gave him the benefit of benevolent doubt
inserted a plug into his mouth and his anus
gave him gloves loo roll and disinfectant
made him a senior lavatory attendant and
the chance for redemption as sluice sink
for his and his followers’ self-righteous stench
when conscience becomes one major fart
a diet of reason and equity will rebalance
who is the latrine and who cleans the mess
29th September 2021
Franky was seven and having a party
He told all his school-mates, except for Spud Carty
And once they had heard that Spud wasn't invited
All of them said they were really excited
And then at the party the kids all had fun
Which might have continued if Spud hadn't come
Spud didn't play games, he was not in the mood
He’d much rather stuff himself full of free food
He grabbed all the biscuits and scoffed the whole lot
And all the Bombay mix although it was hot
He snaffled the sarnies and some went down whole
Then grabbed the spaghetti piled up in a bowl
He gobbled so much that he struggled to chew
Then Franky cried out, that's not only for you
Spud simply laughed spitting food as he said
We all gotta eat... or else we'd be dead
And that was when poor Franky found himself wishing
His dad had stayed home and had not gone off fishing
Spud sucked spaghetti like slithering snakes
And said when I'm done, gonna find me some cakes
But Franky looked sick and he started to squirm
That sgetti looks just like a wriggly worm
And Spud got annoyed when he heard someone giggle
Don't be so stoopid, spaghetti can't wriggle
Spud swallowed more, that spaghetti was yummy
He said with a grin as he patted his tummy
You lot he shouted must really be thick
To get the food first you'd have to be quick
The front door swung open, there stood Franky's dad
He looked a bit angry, in fact he looked mad
I’m meant to be fishing but I'm running late
I got to the lake but forgot all my bait
I've checked out the shed and I've looked all around
Wherever I look there's no bait to be found
Was it indoors his son Franky enquired
So it would be handy when it was required
Right there on the table his father confirms
An old plastic dish, full of wriggly worms
And that was when Spud's belly started to grumble
And everyone heard his guts starting to rumble
Spud almost flew to the lavatory
What happened next was a horror story
And when throwing up seemed much less of a danger
He left with kids calling out, Don't be a stranger!
[To the tune of Ghost Riders In The Sky (loosely)]
*
Heaven’s almost everywhere but mainly upon high
Santa Claus delivers there cos he’s that kind of guy
The lack of any lavatory almost made him cry
He tried to keep his legs crossed but he dribbled from the sky
He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in the sky
The holy choir tinkles as they travel on their way
Sprinkling golden showers ’cross the moonlit sky today
They have no private place to pee which fills them with dismay
For there’s no public toilets... in the Milky Way
Gabriel is struggling cos he’s been out on the beer
His guts are throwing tantrums and he tries to plug his rear
He knows he’s gonna poop his pants that fact is fairly clear
For there’s no public toilets... in the upper atmosphere
He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in the sky
Saint Peter has some turbulence and says a little prayer
He needs to poop and piddle but there’s nowhere private there
He’s sure he gonna throw up and become a vomit sprayer
For there’s no public toilets... in the ozone layer
Satan’s uncle pooped himself, how will he show his face
Public humiliation, he’s in permanent disgrace
He couldn’t hold it in although he found no private place
For there’s no public toilets... on the edge of space
He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in the sky
Grim, the reaper belched and burped, his tummy grumbled loud
His fart was wet but silent, he was glad because he’s proud
Grim is really trying not to throw up over crowds
For there’s no public toilets... high above the clouds
The angel doubled up and squirted out a putrid spray
Santa Claus got splattered as the reindeer pulled away
All kinds of hell will rain upon a Yuletide Earth this year
For there’s no public toilets... in the stratosphere
He needs to go
He needs to pray
No toilets in the sky
7 October 2021
Contest: The Throne In Heaven
Sponsor: Jack Webster
And
Contest: Change The Record
Sponsor: Natasha L Scragg
Hollow as a crooked pipe conducting waste to the corroded sewer
Vacant and obscure like a Freudian void on a cold lavatory seat
Hollow as a piper’s flute waiting for nimble charming fingers
Vacant like a comatose stare reflecting mindless nothingness
Shallow as a muddy puddle pummelled by boots from wet feet
Superficial like a scratch on a bubble conceding trivial defeat
Shallow as a trickling tributary succumbed to inarticulate drought
Superficial like a crowded scream never leaving mute fears
Fallow as unwanted seeds swirling around into darkness
Dormant like a sleepy reminder of night mares fighting for victory
Fallow as untilled soil longing for cultivated surrender
Dormant like a tired tramp homeless and halting suspense
Mellow as marsh mallows molten on deep cutting sticks
Bitter sweet like a camp fire sending smoke into nowhere
Mellow only in that as it rhymes with bellow and gallows
Sweet bitter and numb like waste in a lone piper’s dream
Reincarnated Rozetta was very angry with her super angel team for saddling her with ChimChang Man again.
They had spent the last two lifetimes together, once as squirrels, and now as a cat couple, him fat, her relatively thin.
ChimChangMan wanted to have a new litter of kits, but Rozetta was more than satisfied with the five litters she had already birthed.
On Saturday, October 4th, when she was recycled by a garbage truck, Rozetta stomped up to her committee and said, “Anywhere but that planet Earth.”
ChimChang Man met his petard a few months later thanks to a motorcycle that skidded on dangerous black ice.
His Angel Committee met him at the pearly gates and said, “We warned you to be extremely polite, mono-lovely, and nice.”
“Are you meowing me? I was the perfect gentle-cat.I was home with my catwoman almost every single night.”
The committee put him on a transport and sent him to Venus after an extremely controversial Angel Committee catfight.
On the transport he met Mo, a sexy camel, with a beautiful hump, and fantastic middle toes.
He cornered a committee member in the lavatory, and asked, “How can I become one of those?”
“It’s a relatively simple process,” the committee member told him, “Are you sure you want to try?”
The next thing ChimChangMan knew, he was pushed out of the transport, and hurling to the earth to die.
A vindictive Reincarnated Rozetta scanned the horizon, as far as her praying mantis eyes could see.
She was totally excited and desperate to bite ChimChangMan’s head off, yet that was never to be,
Jefferson Kol,
Had wanted to copulate with his wife...
Please, I'm due for prayers,
she emphasized.
After which the load in the scrotum
had negotiated his sleep
Twilight,
made a reality of new day
Again he insisted on what was left
unfulfilled.
The load set to offload
so the system could ease.
My lord,
0400am so early I woke up
Now sleep is all I dear
she sleeps.
Ideas flow afterward
and pea flows when the urethra
is loaded and anus breathing
He leaves for the comfort zone (loo)
to release the loads of waste, instead
Mark Zukenberg.... he thinks
the face book Lord
so young an enterprise
the name the world know
Jefferson Kol,
right here he quest....
To become a champion or rather
a celebrity is by taking chances
and making best use of time
So,
Fetched the name written on
every man's lips
The lavatory (loo)
the home I be-quested
the real instinct.
Foolish folly in the house of putrid politics
Dirty deeds up their sleeves double-dealing tricks
Forgetting the homeless, ignoring the poor
Though staying between the lines of the law
Oh ! And the law, well that’s another story
One suggesting a lavish lavatory!
For the criminal not for the upstanding
Not for the meek though only demanding
Yes the pecking order is quite transparent
With suited criminals all apparent
Trickling down such bad behaviour
Praying to my only saviour-
Please help them to sow seeds of decency
Awaken the blind to the difference of recency
For this society unravels the very pits
When ruled by a bunch of moronic dimwits
With crime through the roof that hinders well-being
Many are silent with sickness from seeing
The defeated and shattered upon a tightrope
Without any justice-there is no hope!
**A Travel East**
We pass the Grand Mesa cruising like lightening at 95mph,
I feel like a passenger on a toy train.
A mountain 11,000 feet above the ground,
auburn colored, rock faced cliffs, complimented
by a spectacular baby blue sky.
Clouds scatter, trying unsuccessfully to cover
the rapid sunrise.
Blue,
Indian orange,
and red mix together well
with the beauty of the cliff face.
Along the base,
the Colorado river
races.
Not quite a rapid,
yet swift enough to scare rafters,
and small animals.
Miniature icebergs travel through a small channel
created in the ice of the once wide river.
A family of coyotes gather on a patch of solid ice.
The young playfully roam,
while the adults relax, lick themselves and watch.
Deer prance across the terrain,
chasing the train.
Detained,
inside a fence,
cattle graze in a group of one hundred or so.
A cottage rests along the perimeter
where children play.
Bundled from head to toe,
Snow,
thick and heavy.
Frosty is created!!
Homeward bound!!
The ride semi-pleasant,
better than the first.
The lavatory still with that distinctive
musky urine scent.
The passenger car seems bigger this time,
more spacious.
Room for my long legs,
and wide enough to accommodate my beer gut.
I hear the rantings of an old married couple
as they bicker about what time dinner should be reserved for.
Beside me,
laying awkwardly,
an old man snores.
Shallow breaths in between,
I can hear his heartbeat.
Pounding like
a heavy percussion solo,
his feet propped on his duffel bag below.
The lobby car when first entered
looked barren.
A few passengers sit with books and laptops,
others watch as the fast moving terrain passes
through the tinted double glass.
My cell phone lost battery life and I
needed the accommodation of electricity.
Occupied,
I wait for my turn.
From my peripheral I saw her,
I could sense her aura.
Smell her aroma of Vanilla Musk.
Dirty blond hair with red highlights,
short but not to short,
with a friendly disposition.
So,
I sparked a conversation,
that helped better this expedition.
Jared Pickett
3/7/08
Asavvy1
My lady wife does strange things with the lavatory brush
She stands it in the loo and then she activates the flush
But she’s my girl and not someone that I would want to chasten
Except she leaves the brush there like it’s Guardian of the Basin
I know she pours in loads of bleach in which the brush can soak
I don’t know why she does this for alas I'm just a bloke
So when I walk into the loo that brush is standing proud
Protruding from the lavvy pan as I proclaim out loud…
My darling, I’m so happy that you keep our home hygienic
But that there plastic poker in our loo is hardly scenic
So I don’t have a Labrador but what if I were blind…
You’d find me running out of here while clutching my behind