Have you ever seen a duck come in to land… on land
It’s an eventuality that nature never planned
For ducks that land on water such a graceful splashdown make
But should they land on terra firma… it sure ain’t Swan Lake
Each one does a belly flop, a cartwheel and a stagger
They get up and compose themselves, but ducks weren’t made to swagger
They have no shame so simply waddle with ungainly gait
Toward the back door of my house where they all stand and wait
This morning there were six of them, I watched them all crash down
“They’ll need a pint or two of seed,” I muttered with a frown
Their heads were first to hit the deck, their rumps stuck in the air
I went out with a jug of seed to find them gathered there
As I stepped outside I felt like Moses on the shore
The ducks made space for me to walk and not a hair’s breadth more
Two partridges were standing by and I also fed those
And when the pecking finished, well, I almost checked my toes.
Bird seed by the quarter-gallon gobbled up each time
I wouldn’t mind but it ain’t half a kilo for a dime
But it gives me pleasure and as I stood there this morn
Two more kamikaze ducks crash landed on my lawn.
THE GOOD OLD U.S. OF A
THEY SAY CAN YOU SEE BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT?
OF COURSE I CAN, I HAVE TO I'M UP GETTING READY FOR WORK.
I GOT BILLS TO PAY SO I CAN HAVE A PLACE TO STAY
THEY SING ABOUT THE ROCKETS RED GLARE AND THE BOMBS BURSTING IN AIR. SWEATHEART I KNOW YOU MUST MEAN THE FIRE ROARING FROM A BUILDING, IF BOMBS ARE FLYING I'M A HIT THE DECK.
I NEED TO LIVE! DADDY DON'T TAKE CARE OF ME LIKE YOU BOURGEOISIE'S.
THEY TELL US IT'S THE HOME OF THE BRAVE AND THE LAND OF THE FREE
WELL I AM BRAVE, BUT I AIN'T FREE, WE AIN'T FREE
WE ARE AS FREE AS THAT TREE RIGHT OUTSIDE MY DOOR
THE GOVERNMENT OWN'S IT, IT'S GANGSTER AND HARD-CORE.
THIS BE OUR MOTTO"IN GOD WE TRUST". D.T.A BABY.
BABY MY TRUST IN GOD AIN'T GONNA STOP A WAR, AIN'T GONNA BUY ME A STORE.
THAT'S RIGHT MY TRUST IN GOD GOT ME CLEANING FLOORS FOR YOU DIRTY WHORES.
PRAISE THE POWER THAT HATH ME AND PRESERVE US A NATION!
PLEASE OKAY ALL THEY DID WAS PRESERVE THE GOVERNMENTS INFATUATION WITH MONEY. I'M SORRY THAT NONSENCE DON'T FLY BY ME HONEY.
"TIS THE GOOD OLD U.S. OF A.
The farmer cocked his rifle and glared down upon the turkey
It wasn’t mist that made the farmyard and the turkey murky
His muddy specs and ageing eyes had made his vision blurred
And as he wiped his grimy specs he said this to the bird…
“Some folk say I ought to starve; my eyesight ain’t so hot,
But I ensured I heard the voice of everything I shot.
I bagged myself some lovely pork, you should’ve heard him oink
He hit the deck with quite a thud… his oink became a BOINK.
“My beef is fresh, as fresh as you, oh boy did that cow moo,
The racket he kicked up was like a knees-up at the zoo.
That tasty cow is gonna make a cupboard full of jerky,
But all their oinks and all their moos ain’t gonna give me turkey.”
The farmer aimed his rifle at the poor old turkey’s head
He squinted as he muttered, “You’re my dinner so you’re dead.
So say your prayers because my shot you never will inhibit.”
But then the turkey hopped around while yelling, “Ribbit, Ribbit!”
Whooshing through the universe – at warp speed,
You think that seat-belts – would have been a need.
Cause how many times – did Uhura’s ass hit the deck,
On almost every episode – of Star Trek?
And with the other bridge crew – flipping through the air,
There was Kirk – just clinging to his chair.
Now Spock, always seemed – to stay off of the floor,
Because picking up Uhura – was his tiresome chore.
Then Scotty would scramble – to his engine console,
To push the buttons needed – to regain control.
Now in the beginning – this made for great viewing,
But it’s apparent now – they had no idea what they were doing.
T Rex - a compendium
I asked the T Rex why he looked rather glum
He said I’ve this lovely sharp claw on my thumb
But life's such a b.itch
My butt’s got an itch
And I simply can’t reach my own bum
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
T Rex gave his lady a peck
She said honey please kiss my neck
He liked her all right
So he gave a love bite
And that’s when her head hit the deck
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Jurassic Park was too dear for us
We snuck in dressed all ‘stegosaurus’
We’re now not sure whether
That idea was clever
That T Rex ain’t gonna ignore us
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tyrone was a tyrannosaurus
Who fancied a big brontosaurus
Her name was Gillian
Their love was reptilian
The details are too sordid for us
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
He hunted that Jurassic coast
For the primeval prey he loved most
The sky overhead
Went fiery red
Alas pretty soon he was toast
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
An acorn plopped down from a tree
And hit the deck right next to me.
It joined some others waiting for
A stronger breeze to drop some more.
It almost bounced upon my head;
I'm glad it found the porch instead
For it came down with so much force
I'd have a bump, but it changed course.
The squirrels must be set to dash
And round these up for winter's stash.
I sit outside, relax and wait
As acorn plops reverberate.
Might That Be All There Is?
I've climbed the tallest mountains near
Braved ocean's coral caves,
Pushed legs (as fast as they go dear!)
And carried friends to graves.
I've ridden horses, hit the deck,
The arc feels long to ground,
A friend fell too and broke her neck,
No solace there I've found!
I jumped once from a perfect plane,
But dumber things I've done!
Loved teenaged girl (I'm 'groan!', 'full mane!'),
God's Grace! Man younger won!
Slept naked under falling stars,
Watched lion stroll through camp,
I've counted satellites of Mars,
In evening's dew and damp!
I've skied on star's reflective ice,
Gleaned knowledge where they fall,
By thirty spanned the whole world twice
Is there a curtain call?
And now, at last, a faithful wife,
(Did she catch me? The quiz?)
We love to laugh at all of life,
Might that be all there is?
Long Tooth
August 15, 2018
The aide will aid you right away
Names of guests are guessed today
Wines not allowed, don't whine aloud
Drop your watch and watch the crowd
Don't nod your head you may be gnawed
And still be still and not applaud
The band is banned to play Do- Wop
Don't break the brake or you won't stop
The course is coarse so hold on tight
That last phase may faze you tonight
A scent is sent for you to smell
Remove your rings to ring the bell
You will go forth at fourth by heck
If a herd is heard then hit the deck!
I turned into the fight with a burst from my guns
Please don’t jam on me now
Pouncing unseen onto a ME One One Zero
He’s gonna go down somehow
My cannon have hit the iron heart of this beast
Causing his progress to falter
Ripping in hard to his starboard wing section
I will take no quarter
He’s hit the deck hard, there’s an explosion
Plenty of kites left in the sky
Pull back on the stick, open the throttles
There with a blink of the eye
Looking for a target, another appears
Making this my eleventh kill
The sky is my war zone, let battle commence
Eleventh that is until……
Now I’ve taken a hit, but I’m still in the sky
Glycol streaming away
If this damage should deteriorate some how
I’ll have to leave this fray
Cutting power to my portside motor
Rudder moved accordingly to adjust
The stick has gone heavy, flames eating the wing
My faith above, in him I trust
Losing height fast, but my guns are still blazing
Opening the canopy now
I’m trying like mad to keep this beast airborne
But really don’t know how
Down goes another foe in a hail of cannon fire
My ammunition is out
Looking for a safe place to ditch this fiery crate
A man from Bancock
Got a exscruisiating nasty shock
For he was sat on the throne
But he was not alone
A very large snake
came up from the toilet bowl
And grabbed him on a certain place
And wouldn't let go
I can imagine his screams
And his face
A tug of war for half an hour or more
Of his hellish day
The Doctors say
He'll be ok
But not sure about his wedding tackle.
''Just been on TV news, you could hear the newsreaders laughing in the background.
Poor mam.'' Always check before you hit the deck.''
Peter Dome. Copyright. 2016. May.
Running in the dark I tripped and fell
Copper in the air, all I could smell
Fear and terror touched my head
Hope I wasn't just left for dead
Up ahead was some kind of light
Saw some movement prepared to fight
Thats when I saw the look in his eye
Had to be strong or I knew I would die
He said follow me I know the way
If you want to live you'll do what I say
That's when I saw the horns and the tail
I knew right then I could be only in hell
I turned and ran as fast as I could
My body felt rigid, almost like wood
I could feel heat on the back of my neck
A blow to my head and I hit the deck
As blackness pulled me down in a hole
I knew that my life wasn't all that he stole
As hideous laughter brought me awake
I knew it was over, my soul he would take
What do you want was all I could say
He said with a smirk," You may want to pray "
My mind snapped and I began to squeal
The last thing I heard was " Let's make a deal "
Outside my door is a ship in distress
The bulged hinges whisper SOS
Though rough seas out in the hall
The course is set for ports of call
Fifty-Fifty, that’s my name
All back full the odds are lame
Roads of bubbles can disappear
Into the wind, the course I steer
Alter course by wheeling port
Use the raft as last resort
Plank to plank we’ll walk her in
See a light good shape we’re in
If she makes it back I’ll paint the hull
Polish the brass and let her know
The barnacles show neglected times
But tomorrow comes rain or shine
Down then below the deck
The basements hell as in a wreck
The rudder wants to starboard steer
The crew just wants to have a beer
The alarm is sounding show a leg
The dog is licking face in beg
It’s time to rise and hit the deck
For Monday came a dream in neck
The Novice Sailor
It was ten o´clock in the morning I was struggling
to keep my balance looking out of the porthole in
the galley and the day was dark as acute hatred
against the living. Green waves hit the deck tried
to break portholes a full winter storm and fear of
the sea filled us with silence. Somehow the cook
managed to bake bread and make Irish stew and it
was my job to stop it from flying off the stove.
On an iron ship on the precipice of a mountain of
water; we were insignificant and vulnerable ants
on a leaf in an immense pool. Yet the sea calmed,
and the storm abated. I was fifteen and was proud
to have survived a winter storm in the north Atlantic,
something to tell my mum when coming home.
Tinkerbell , Tinkerbell
My grandmother would shout
Oh dear , Bloody hell
She's let the damn thing out.
I knew that it was coming
There was no more to be said
Whoosh , There she goes
Phtttttt Thar she blows
and she'd pooped upon my head.
No she wasn't a fairy
but she was vicious and scary
and that damn canary
Really hated me .
Next time I went round there
I wore my baseball cap
I'm a brave lad from Yorkshire
and I'm not taking any crap
but she landed on my shoulder
and gave my ear a peck
I managed to fight her off
and then I hit the deck
Whoosh , There she goes
Phttttt , Thar she blows
and she'd pooped upon my head
No she wasn't a fairy
but she was vicious and scary
and that damn canary
Really hated me .
She's sat upon the curtain rail
Surveying her domain just like a queen
but I know she is evil
and a disgusting poop machine
She's got more ammunition
than a battleships magazine
Whoosh . There she goes
Phtttttttt , Thar she blows
and she's pooped upon my head.
No she wasn't a fairy
but vicious and scary
and that damn canary
Really hated me.
will it pass this way again?
nobody knows because the community
library
has to many paperbacks and the clouds
to many sins.
will twain swirl in the rain?
will steinbeck hit the deck?
will it pass?
will a folk singer from the north play the
harmonica
piss into a gutter and give some simple
remedy?
Now there is baptist marmalade in the
sun.
Now there is rye bread in the oven,
but in a cafe on main street
there is still.....
black coffee.
white porcelain cups.
thick calloused fingers.
all the regulars gathered there just like
every other day.
an old tv flickers over the counter just off
to the left of a
warped mirror that has labor union and
mason stickers
from the early 90s on it.
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