Best Ya Think Poems
*****To the naked EYE, this poem may seem like gibberish,
but I assure you it is loaded with 24 palindromes,
3 palindrome phrases, 1 hidden palindrome phrase,
and is chock full with enormous wordplay...
oh and one more palindrome in this description.
Can you find more? I challenge you word freaks!*****
____SATAN OSCILLATE MY METALLIC SONATAS____
Last night, around eleven or so, I decided to paint a pink castle.
To my dismay, on display, is what looks more like a pink *******.
Picasso would've been so proud!
Today, upon recording nothing short of a colossal debacle,
I've chosen to
utilize the eyes of a hostile apostle.
Tossing docile scribble, I'm scribing.
Describing life like a diatribe conniving REVIVER at a revival.
LIVE EVIL!
Palindrome EYE to the side of my tribe.
Get in line, standing at the hands of HANNA.
PULL UP.
RISE AND VOTE SIR!
EYE
LEVEL
to
NUN'S
BOOB.
WOW!
We OTTO-matically
POP a PEEP at NOON!
DAD got so damn mad he DID the DEED
and split three XANAX with his MADAM and MOM!
(ALA the ABBA GIG way back in them AHA kookie KOOK days)
So anyways...
Back to peek hassle!
Do ya' think he might like ta' take a stab at my STATS?
*****(this was fun as fun can be:
hope you have half as much fun with it as I did:)*****
~JSLambert
..............................................................................................................
Oh - Emm - Geeeee !!!
Who me??
OMG!...I'm gonna wig out, doing this poem!!
A ditz like me writing for a freakin’ contest, no less!!!??
You gotta be kiddin' me !!! Holy fricassee!!
No Way. Jose' !! I'm such a space cadet....OMG !! I’m spazzing out!!
Well...geeze, then..... like, I get this head rush...
I'm getting majorly stoked, ya know?..Like...maybe I’ll give it a shot?...
Still...ya know..., whaddif I, like, totally bombed it!!? OMG!!
I mean, like, ya know how all them other poets?...
Well....like they are so classic...like, ya know?...so awesomely rad!?
Like... say, they eyeball mine, and bustin’ up, they scream…
"Gag me with a spoon?!! CHECK OUT THIS FREAKIN’ GROSS POEM!”
Well,what the hay,.... ..no biggie, guess it wouldn't such a bummer...
yeah......well, shoot, they can call me a loser......who gives a rip??
So, I figure, like ....Whatever, dude!!
Okay, now, I'm totally pumped,...ya know?
Waddif it’s ends up freakin’ sweet? Oh, Pleeeease!!!
Like a win, geeze that would be majorly...rad!!!
I KID YOU NOT! OMG !!! I'm so SURE !! YEAH RIGHT,….AS IF!!!!!
Man, I’m so clueless …hmm. how do I even start this freakin' essay?
so, like....here goes...okay?
Ya' say they won't like it, huh??.. HUH ??? Ya' think??
Tell em to go take a chill pill!!
Duhhhh........!!!!? WHATEVER!!
____________________________________________________
Just for fun!: For the Slang Contest
(and be sure....this isn't how I normally talk LOL !!)
..............................................................................................................
Oh, ain’t he plump,
Yeah, watch him shake his big round rump.
And the nicest way that I can say it is
Ain’t he plump?
Oh, ain’t he stout,
Yeah, see him twist and hear him shout.
And the nicest way that I can say it is
Ain’t he stout?
He’s disco dancing on the dance floor.
Good golly gee, he’s gonna do more!
See him jump
Well, see his pants rip; hear that thump.
And the nicest way that I can say it is
Ain’t he plump?
Oh, ain’t he plump,
Yeah, watch him shake his big round rump.
And the nicest way that I can say it is
Ain’t he plump?
Oh, ain’t he stout,
And now he's let it all hang out.
And the nicest way that I can say it is
Ain’t he stout?
He’s disco dancing on the dance floor.
Good golly gee, he’s gonna do more!
Watch him bump.
Well, don’t ya think he’s quite a chump?
And the nicest way that I can say it is
Ain’t he plump?
OH, ain’t he plump,
Yeah, watch him shake his big round rump.
And the nicest way that I can say it is
Ain’t he plump?
And the nicest way that I can say it is
Ain’t he plump?
Entry in John Heck's Beatlemania Sing-a-long
(Sing to tune of Ain't She Sweet by the Beatles)
What have you done, for you look like a perch?
On Botox you should've done some research
I won't sugarcoat it
You look very bloated
Your face is engorged, and some will besmirch
Resembling a puffer with puckered lips
I wanna pop them with my fingertips
Dress yourself up in lace
Get rid of that fish face
Girl, you better get real and come to grips!
Your booty sticks out. You've such a huge butt
People laugh behind your back when you strut
They giggle and they wink
Some even say you stink
Like a three-day old catch of Halibut
Your teeth are threatening like a hungry shark
Who'd bite me like a mad dog with a bark
You're known as a stinker
Caught, hook, line and sinker
People point at you and call you a snark
You are as fishy as a speckled trout
So nice to people before it's found out
It's nothing but a show
Just a smoke screen you blow
A tasteless fish thrown back, without a doubt
You've earned the deserved name of big mouth bass
A loose lip fish without an ounce of class
Kicked out of many schools
Cause they didn't like fools
Shunned by all the Tropicals known as wrasse
You've been compared to the swimmer called 'carp'
A lesser species whose teeth are quite sharp
A catch that's not a prize
Most fishermen despise
No angel fish when it plays on a harp
Sometimes you resemble a red snapper
Belting out words like a winded rapper
Blah blah blah, on you jaw
Irksome as a jackdaw
You sound like the news anchor, Jake Tapper
When you swim in the pool, you're called a whale
Ya think that's due to the size of your tail?
In candy you indulge
It's the cause of your bulge
You might want to try a diet of kale
Well cross my eyes and call me Lucy
Met the sweetest lady of the group
She turns my crank, gets my motor a-racing
For poetry I don't give a poop
Should rename the site “Meet A Sweetie”
More appropriate don't ya think
This real cutie's on my mind the whole day
From her cup of nectar I drink
Age doesn't matter when it's a fantasy affair
Thirty years don't mean a thing
As long as our cravings are satisfied each day
The world continues to sing
Met a great big bunch of sweet ladies here
Not enough digits to count 'em
All I can say is my whole life's enriched
Each of these darlings is a gem
So this is my way of thanking youse guys
Where our creativity is nourished
Making all our lives a lot more worth living
Allowing friendships to flourish
Everyone has a theory on what killed out all the great big Dinosaurs.
I’m the only one who knows, what happened, that stopped their roars.
It’s just a little common sense, to figure out what it was, I conclude.
You see, all those big Dinosaurs were eating up tons of yummy food.
And you must surely know that, what goes in, has to come out, too.
Yep, you’re beginning to get my drift, as it was caused by dino-poop.
I’ll admit, dragon gave me the idea, as I daily continue to pooper scoop.
But there’s a difference between then and now, for volume was the oops.
Man! Those were voracious BIG eating machines… You begin to see?
The black layer, found in the ground, all over the world, was completely…
Made of ashed, Dino-poop! You see? The world was covered, miles deep…
In the building dino-poop, they say, there’s also, methane there, in heaps.
So where did it come from? Yep you guessed it, again… Dino-poop.
It came out of the dino- poop, while being squished into fields of oil.
And why do you think, it was a comet, came in and blew them all away?
All it took was a streak of lightening in the pollution of the air, one day.
Yep, one little spark ignited… to get rid of the old, and in with the new.
Methane is highly explosive, and nitroglycerine, comes from poop, too.
You see, no one destroyed them, they did it all to themselves! Ya think?
Why are there still dragons? Because fire doesn’t bother them, so rethink!
Explosions couldn’t get to them, since they don’t poop inside their big caves.
Yep, Dragons were the very first, ecology minded living things, of that day.
That’s why…Dragons are on Chinese calendars and not dinosaurs today.
So that’s why Dragons are smug, self-centered and expect to be obeyed.
Because they’re the only ones, my dear, who knew what was coming, there.
Still, they tried to warn all the dinosaurs, which refused to listen, anywhere.
So they retreated into their caves, for a long nuclear winter of restful sleep.
Grandpa Troll confirmed it, for he slept there, with Dragons, in caverns deep.
Now I ask you, would you go into a cave of dragons, as your ancestors did do?
Or would you be one of the oblivious, who back then… didn’t have a clue?
2-11-2015 Dragon says potty humor rocks!
Hey America, what do ya think of your Pres now?
Still think he’s a moderate?
Still think the virus came from a bat?
Still think your child needs to wear a mask?
Still think Jan 6 Committee isn’t a hyper-partisan circus?
Still think MAGAs riot but BLM & Antifa protest?
Still think Joe’s compos?
Still think he knows what day it is?
Still think Obama isn’t a racist divisive ass-hole?
Still think globalists first is better than America first?
Still think Hunter didn’t pay daddy his cut of dirty deals?
Still think all black criminals are victims?
Still think Joe is running the show?
Still think he’s got any clue?
Still think you have freedom of speech?
Still think you live in a democracy?
Still think Joe’s not a hostage to the radical left?
Still think diversity over merit ever works?
Still think Joe’s not Putin’s bit*h?
Still think he’s not a hair sniffing creep?
Still think Made in China is better than Made in USA?
Still think calling Covid the China Vi-rus is inherently racist?
Still think lockdowns and mandates work?
Still think woketardery isn’t a cancer on western civilisation?
Still think Joe cares about what you think?
Still think Antifa is just an idea?
Still think Trump bad but Cuomo good?
Still think Joe cares about your constitutional rights?
Still think you can be any gender you want?
Still think anyone gives a damn about your pronouns?
Still think censorship is good for our democracy?
Still think Joe speaks for you?
Still think the media don’t cover for him?
Still think Fauci hasn’t been lying all along?
Still think border cartels don’t love Democrats?
Still think the Great Reset isn’t a thing?
Still think the Russia hoax is real?
Still think it’s okay to kill full term babies?
Still think climate alarmism isn’t the con of the century?
Still think defunding the police makes black communities safer?
Still think George Soros isn’t an evil bastard?
Still think Critical Race Theory isn’t taught to your kids?
Still think Afghanistan wasn’t a clusterfu*k?
Still think Build Back Better isn't a disaster?
Still think open borders isn’t about demographic change?
Still think sleepy slow Joe is the great unifier?
Still think you would vote for Joe?
Hey America, what do you think of your Pres now?
Written: February 2022
Aye, let me say
It's not what ya think bout me,
For I'll always be that, just me!
Holler if ya want to,
I'm not listening,
For I'm not tuned in!
Turn up the volume all ya want to,
I still don't feel the lousy heat,
I'm over you, over that too!
Want to tell me a story
All about me?
I know me well and I do ME well.
What else to add to your false alarm,
Like a clock going off
When it's not supposed to?
What do you gain from your strife?
Does it make you into a hero,
Locked in like a club sandwich?
How large is your bite
Shedding dirt like a mite,
Pieces flying all over - air, land and sea?
You got that right, It's not what ya say
And it's not what ya do;
Hurting is the name of your Game!
Don't force ya 'tentions on me,
For I'm not Invalidie.
Don't Read mah mind, trying to FIX it too
For I'm not Invalidie.
Don't be God, trying to Punish mah soul,
Passing it through Pergatory.
That Place where ya get put
Till yo get Real GOOD.
How many years is Pergatory -
10, 15 or till yo say so?
Man look, ya sane but mess up sometimes,
Who put ya in Charge O insanity, without
confidentiality?
Ya DOWN in mah mind, trying to change
To what ya think should be.
Itemize the ways an things ya don't do,
Boy that would be like Scanteburry.
Ya never get it right first or second time,
'Cause ya keep Messing up more than me!
Wha mek ya think ya could just pick up?
Stupidy Bill went passing through?
6 Second Trailer
OMG
Did you see it?
OMG
Its...
I'm...
Oh
My
God
It's a fantastic flick
This is...
OMG
The full trailer?
It's coming
It's coming
OMG
So am I
Did you see her...
His...
Its...
Oh
So sweet
Gotta tweet
Gotta sleep
Don't ya love it
OMG
Who wrote it?
The screenplay?
Who cares?
Opening?
Premiering 2015
Bit early, eh?
What, the trailer?
Ya think?
Yeah, but
WTF
YOLO
It's raining, it's pouring
The old man is snoring
Song is driving Mom crazy
I'm gonna to draw her a daisy
Yay, the rain is stopping
I don't want to go shopping
I want to go out and play
I promise to put my crayons away
I'll wear my boots, I won't get wet
Wait, I'm not done colouring yet
The puddles are sure sparkling bright
Daddy, why are clouds grey and white?
Where did all these worms come from?
No, worms are not dirty and not dumb!
Mom! My brother is being really mean
I'll wash them in the puddles, they'll be clean
I love rain, cause the worms come out
Don't ya think I'll make a good girl scout?
Ooh, look at that one, he's so big and fat
Can I keep him as my pet, I don't want a cat
I can name him squirmy, he'll be my friend
Is his face at the front or at the back end?
But he'll miss his friends and be so sad
Plus my sister will get really, really mad
She don't like worms and won't let you in our room
And Mom might sweep you up with her broom
So I'll come and play with you after the rain
That way nobody will ever, ever complain.
It’s a real Texas situation
Wow, you’re one heck of a creation
I dig your hat, I love your boots
Ya’ got those bang up, country roots
When you’re strummin’ on your guitar
you’re one, red hot, country star
Ooh, wearing those, sexy, tight fittin’ jeans
you’re one lean, mean country machine
Ya got me feelin’ like a damn fool
like a silly girl in high school
Boy, I'd sure like to share your company
so, get off that bull, come ride with me
Yeah, it’s a Texas situation
cuz’ you’re one heck of a creation
I spent my money on this here hat
Tell me now, whadda’ ya’ think of that?
Come on now, I’d like to be your pretty baby
we’ll drive each other country crazy
Yeah, it’s one heck of a situation
cuz’ you’re one, red hot, Texas, born creation
“Ding dong, Avon calling!”, are these ladies around anymore
Way back when in another era, they came knocking at your door
Guess I'm dating myself
But I'm still in good health
Maybe I'll be around when they banish killings and wars
Ya think?
© Jack Ellison 2015
give it away
give it all
all for what
all for nothing
nothing you bet
nothing yil get
get out there quick
get lost in a ditch
ditch ya wife
ditch ya dog
dog won’t miss ya
dog'll piss ya
ya think yiv got it down
ya haven’t been down under
under what ya say?
under what ya pray?
pray it ain't worth a zack
pray your honey aint outback
outback’n the wild roo’s nestin’ kick
outback and back again he’s slick
slick and kicking for a noice steak
slick and mad as a cut snake
snake’s got death in his bite
snake’ll ruin a weddin orright
orright’cha got two seconds tah think
orright your seconds gone yeh in a stink
stink in heaps
stink the dunny rat he is
is you thinking in the wild to slack off
is you ready to rack off
off to the waters in a hurray mate
off to the sandy slates run clean
clean as a bottler at sea
clean as ya ever can see
see here we all left our lives
see this is where we feel alive
alive in the wild far from the loo
alive away from the crazy blue
blue sea soppin the sand around
blue surroundin this land we’re proud
proud in the danger of ever
proud to amaze whoever
whoever ya meet
whoever ya see
see chance give it a burl
see um tackle the crock in a curl
curl on his back is a good going off
curl in his teeth yiv gotcha limb torn off
off!
off!
For the Down Under contest
Sponsored by: Debbie Guzzi
*Don’t think I did this quite right! Though it was fun to try anyhow ^___^
Sooo, ya think you're THE ace
In this jingle jangle place, UHH!?
And you're proud, OOH, SOO proud !
And you're talking here so loud...
That nobody ever noticed
That you're offering a contest
With a weird melody
I would call cacophony...
If an English word exists
To describe your foolish lists !
O.K. Don't you cry like this
Or I would call you Elvis
For the rest of your life...
By the way, I met your wife
And I told her, once again,
How frustrated I remain
Every time I see your pages,
I wish I'd put these images
on my own imagination:
WHATCHA goo' job you done, son !