Best Cheese Poems
The humble cheese has a secret superpower
Its gooey glory conquers cauliflower
The melted cheddar of fried baloney
The better half of macaroni
The sharp-dressed suitor of apple pie
A fondue tryst with crusty rye
The love child of curds and whey
Eloped with pillow soft souffle
This Muenster does not pursue peasants
The tang of blue can be quite pleasant
Smoked Gouda's so good, seconds I'll take
While leaving room for more cheesecake-
My foodie knowledge was remiss
Thinking all foreign cheese was Swiss!
Don't fret, American, your place is true
What would tomato soup be, without you?
I live in the Northwest, where I can cook
with the best cheese brand of all - Tillamook!
11/12/18
for Write a Poem about Cheese contest
Sponsor: Barry Stebbings
~~~~~
Sometimes I feel like a hunk of Limburger cheese!
Poets pass my poetry as if it had the great aroma
of unwashed toes and knees.
.
These poets are the ones who pretend to be my
PS friends?
But off in the distance, they live in Big Ego City,
just beyond the bend.
.
They avoid better poets than I,and tis no surprise!
Prancing about the soup with guile and smiling disguise!
.
So,it's a damaging, unkind game they play.
My peace...is knowing Karma is coming their way.
~~~~~
January 3, 2020
11:45 pm PST
MOUSE PRINCESS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a kingdom where cheese was the prize,
Lived a mouse princess with green eyes.
She donned a small crown,
Above her royal gown,
And danced under moonlit skies.
She hosted royal balls in the night,
With her friends, the brave bugs in flight.
They waltzed across the floor,
While the cats did snore and snore,
And the cheese wheels rolled with delight.
“Oh, dear!” squeaked the princess with glee,
“The best party’s here. Hurry! Come and see!”
With a nibble and bite,
We’ll feast till the morning light,
And toast with a crumb of brie!
Cheese curds make my day.
My wife has a daily habit
Of caring for all my needs.
She keeps her eyes wide open
To see what she can see.
This week was no exception
As she neared the dairy case.
Greeted by one of my favorites
Now staring her in the face.
You see. . . I love cheese curds.
I even love their squeaky sound.
When she finds real fresh ones
I can eat them by the pound.
Several months ago,
A nearby dairy closed its door.
Never to make great curds again
No. . . never “curds” no more.
Shullsburg, Wi. was the next place
We’d make the day long drive to.
When we’d go so far fetch,
We’d always buy more than a few.
But it goes against my “system”
When those curds are in the home.
I’m always “digging” in the frig
I can’t leave those curds alone.
But as sometimes life will go
Our local grocer now has in stock
So we can buy fresh curds
Without driving a "million blocks”.
She announced as she returned
From the weekly trek she makes.
“The store had some ‘new’ curds”
To mention curds is all it takes.
I quickly fought open the package
To taste and hear that sound.
I scarfed down several chunks
Before in the frig they’re bound.
“Oh my !” is what I shouted.
These curds are really best.
But at my age, I must control
The quantities I now ingest.
For my old system can’t tolerate
All the cheese I’d like to eat.
So I must regulate the flow
Save my curds for just a treat.
My son, however: doesn’t seem care.
He can mow them down full feed.
But I know “our kitchen tender”
Will supply us all we need.
So “Thank you” Homestead Dairy
And all the folks involved in that.
I’ll be up to see your operation
Maybe get to see you “stir the vat”. :o)
A parting note to all Christian readers,
I’ve a thought about life’s end.
With all the banquets talked about,
I trust my curds “someone” will send.
Written by oldbuck to commemorate the discovery of a “local” supply for fresh curds. Curds and crisp bacon are two of my favorite foods.
I remember
dancing for joy
Sitting on an open shelf
This beautiful maiden
Strolls into the shop
As my eyes whistled
She picked me up
Holding me in her hands
Smiling down at me
Excited
Oh I love
Words had trembling effect
with this cheese
Taking me home
You took a little bite
A little taste
Nibbling
Out of me
Lips softly grin
bursts in flavour
Almost cheesy
Licking delicious
Opening a door
You placed me
on top shelf
Felt like royalty
Lights out wow
The last face
I remembered
Ever so beautiful
Weeks pass
Feeling almost
out of date
Left in the dark
A smell started
Pungent in fungus hair
Taking over
almost septic
Crawling green
in mildew
Beautiful maiden
Awaiting you in dreams
You open the door
Squealing out
Monsters
frightened in the fridge
All I done
was shout cheese
Smile darling
I am
all yours
Sweet love
Thrown in a black plastic bag
Broken hearted suffocating
with the rubbish
Shouting walking away
That's me done
With cheese
It was so sad
The green hairy
old monster
Began crying
Now smile
for cheese
As you will not like
To see the ugly side
Of the green
hairy old
Cheese monster
There were three mice, members of the mob
Wanted to retire, so planned one last job
It was deep winter and it started to snow
But they weren't deterred, and the job was a go.
Their names were Gnasher, Scratcher and Dred
And you dared not cross them or you'd end up dead
Even cats were afraid of their deadly scratch
But very soon they would meet their match.
The target they hit was John O'Neils dairy
But things were now going to get a bit scary
At the main entrance was a large welcome mat
And sprawled all across it was this mean looking cat.
Their luck was in and the cat was asleep
They ran towards him and then took a leap
There was a small hole by the front door
Soon they were in, and on the shop floor.
With some small cartons they built a bridge
Reached the door handle and opened the fridge
In the mousey world it was the ultimate goal
A rare box of cheddar cheese and that's what they stole.
Meanwhile outside puss began to wake up
Was very thirsty and wanted a sup
Then in the snow small footprints he spied
The game was now up for the three mice inside.
He spotted the thieves and he gave chase
But they sprinted off at a very fast pace
The God of mice was looking down on them today
They didn't get the cheddar, but they got clean away.
The camera's were played back the very next day
As the drama unfolded there were gasps of dismay
Puss was so happy his boss he did please
By foiling the robbery and saving the cheese.
O'Neil was so impressed with the actions of his cat
He rewarded him with sardines and a brand new mat
But for the three poor mice, it ended in tears
They were eventually arrested and all got ten years.
Written 16th January 2018
Pineapple pizza with pink pepperoni,
Buffalo wings and brown guacamole,
Little dead fishes in sour cream sauces,
Onions and garlic and greasy red sausage.
Cucumber sandwiches plastered with mustard,
Lemons and limes in a yucky green custard,
Fat happy chickens less all of their feathers,
Tomatoes, potatoes, my mother's hot peppers...
These are a few of my flavorless things!
The cheese board met with Mr. Insane.
As a block they want cheese to remain.
So Mr. President’s heading,
to ban packaged shredding,
to make America grate once again.
His desire was for a kiss or two
Those eyes danced with a gleam
She turned her head a kiss to dread
Increased his sexual steam
Everyday he wanted to play
French kissing in his dreams
She refused his looks and advance
Those kisses made her scream
Hairy did persist wanting to kiss
The Chihuahua did scheme
While she did sleep he kissed her feet
His eyes now danced agleam
He loved those feet he chanced to kiss
Like Limburger cheese cream
She had rubbed her feet to deter
his feats, she wasn't on his team
Just of fun..
This did not happen but the female Chihuahua
has French kissed my husband while he slept..LOL>>ROTFL
I’m noticing the seeds I like to buy
are running out in flavor “Nacho Cheese.”
They’ve got sunflower seeds in Ranch, but I
require my nacho cheese ones. Geeez Louise!!
I look it up on Google and I find
they’re selling out. I run to every store!
They’ve got that dang “Dill” flavor, but my kind
is not in stock and won’t be any more.
I know a service station that’s still got
those seeds I love. I’m off! The hunt is on!
I’ll buy up every bag in every spot
where I can locate them before they’re gone.
Some other stations carry them. I dash
from Pleasant Grove to Provo, brandishing
my credit card. I buy them. In a flash,
all seeds in Nacho Cheese are vanishing!
I’m driving south as far as Mapleton!
The chance of finding bags of them is dire
for fellow addicts. I’ve found sixty-one
to last a year before they all expire!
A true story that happened to me about five years ago
See "About Poem" above. When I love something, I try very hard to get it!!
For the Obsession Contest of Silent One
My blue cheese is Limburger and it tastes like rotten meat.
Were I to put it twixt my toes, I would have stinky feet.
I once bought a big chunk of it, there's nothing I won't try.
It was the day that I did learn, be careful what you buy.
Being the person that I am, (I think I'm heaven scent)
And not to waste, a slice I put in my foe's car air vent.
Next day I got the 'evil eye' and I was very pleased.
I was not sure what I should do, so simply uttered "Cheese".
That nasty crap I'll buy no more for I'd be really dumb.
To those who make the rancid stuff, I'd say "it tastes of bum".
Written 1/6/18
Contest: My Blue Cheese is...
Hosted by Kevin Shaw
I went to a cheese and wine party on Saturday,
where huge platters of cheese were on display.
There was Gorgonzola and creamy white Brie,
I devoured huge chunks with a glass of Chablis.
Danish Blue, Mozzarella and Swiss Emmental,
of course I had to try a sample of them all!
I declined Edam and Gouda, I find them too waxy -
and the last time I ate them I was sick in the taxi!
Soft creamy Camembert and blue Roquefort,
went down a treat with a glass of vintage port.
Crumbly Cheshire and Cheddar were so divine,
and tasted heavenly with red Beaujolais wine.
I’d chomped through all of the Stinking Bishop,
our hostess had to restock the whole dish up!
Then I munched little cubes of Monterey Jack -
if my doctor saw me he’d have a heart attack!
When our host carried in a blue Stilton in a truckle,
I loosened a notch on my now straining belt buckle!
I admit blue cheese can smell like men's sweaty socks
but ripe Stilton and crackers, this cheese simply rocks!
Write a poem about Cheese Contest
Sponsored by Barry Stebbings
FICTION POEM FOR CONTEST
11/12/18
It’s another sordid workplace affair
Organized by the dashing and flamboyant Pierre
There should be a warning to beware
Bad week to start any diet – o what despair
Millions of calories everywhere
On one side a mountain of chocolate éclair
On the other a huge tray of Camembert
It was hard enough to squeeze my derriere
Half-way out of this big cozy armchair
Till I managed to park myself elsewhere
Next to the cheese tray I do declare
There’s more than enough to share
I volunteered to sample so let them stare
Trying to look casually debonair
As my butt widens with each bite I’m aware
No one ever said life is fair
AP: Honorable Mention 2020, Honorable Mention 2021
Submitted on November 19, 2018 for contest WRITE A POEM ABOUT CHEESE sponsored by BARRY STEBBINGS - RANKED 8TH
I followed milky and mouldy scents,
down cobbled and narrow paths,
only to see it riddled with rats,
feasting on Feta and Camembert,
whilst the wine sipping Uppers prepared to
clash against the cider swigging downers!
The Fromage Frenzy and Curd Craze deli.
across from the Dizzy Duck and the Boastful Bard taverns
had been ransacked with only cracker crumbs on the floor.
All the cheesemongers were hiding in their basements.
All the landlords locked away in their cellars!
Bar stools dripping with Chardonnay and Merlot,
carpets soaked in 'Scrumpy Jack' and 'Strongbow.'
It was utter chaos as the 'cheese shed' raged on...
The goats and the cows watched,
as the town folk gathered on either side.
Anger in their eyes, yelling insults like;
'Cheap cheddar gobblers' and 'stinky Stilton munchers.'
This was not cultural tensions,
nor issues with tariffs, quotas or labelling practises-
this was a war of the social classes!
They were not fighting with fists or weapons,
oh no, no no..
The Downers started squirting stinky cheese sauce,
drenching the Uppers with its reeking stench.
However, when the Uppers started hurling
Storico and Caciocavallo Podolico,
back at the Downers, they simply,
started consuming it with their cider!
Both fractions kept pelting and sprinkling,
until little Joey from the farm,
reminded them the football had started,
so off they plodded to watch the game,
singing and laughing together,
arm in arm, munching on cheese
they had salvaged from their skirmish.
I am a mouse
From my house
I can spy......
A huge piece of cheese
Well its huge to me
I am a cat
From my mat
I can spy.....
A crumb of cheese
Wheres that mouse, I cannot see
I am that mouse
Waiting patiently
For that cat .....
To take a nap
So the cheese i can trap
I am that cat
Going to nap
Go ahead mouse ....
Go take the cheese
Eat in your house
Cos I am a tooo lazy cat and much toooo fat that loves to nap.
Cheese is yuck and so are mice, so neither entice.