Cheese Wars

I followed milky and mouldy scents, down cobbled and narrow paths, only to see it riddled with rats, feasting on Feta and Camembert, whilst the wine sipping Uppers prepared to clash against the cider swigging downers! The Fromage Frenzy and Curd Craze deli. across from the Dizzy Duck and the Boastful Bard taverns had been ransacked with only cracker crumbs on the floor. All the cheesemongers were hiding in their basements. All the landlords locked away in their cellars! Bar stools dripping with Chardonnay and Merlot, carpets soaked in 'Scrumpy Jack' and 'Strongbow.' It was utter chaos as the 'cheese shed' raged on... The goats and the cows watched, as the town folk gathered on either side. Anger in their eyes, yelling insults like; 'Cheap cheddar gobblers' and 'stinky Stilton munchers.' This was not cultural tensions, nor issues with tariffs, quotas or labelling practises- this was a war of the social classes! They were not fighting with fists or weapons, oh no, no no.. The Downers started squirting stinky cheese sauce, drenching the Uppers with its reeking stench. However, when the Uppers started hurling Storico and Caciocavallo Podolico, back at the Downers, they simply, started consuming it with their cider! Both fractions kept pelting and sprinkling, until little Joey from the farm, reminded them the football had started, so off they plodded to watch the game, singing and laughing together, arm in arm, munching on cheese they had salvaged from their skirmish.