The sale of toilet paper during the pandemic
In the billions, we panicked and became schizophrenic
Could read the evening news
Articles could make us go pew
Needed to be removed from the store with a derrick
Don't "dis" an old person for complaining of what ails them, for taking too much time or when toilet paper trails them. Don't "dis" an old person when their fingers are sticky from eating too much chocolate or when their breath is icky. Don't "dis" an old person for the way they dress, it may not be in season but their doing their best.Don't "dis" an old person for finishing your sentences, or always cutting corners to curb their expenses. Don't "dis" an old person. Please try not to offend, for they'll wallow in that memory and not accept amends. Don't "dis" an old person when their stuck in the past. They have a limited future and they know their days won't last. Don't "dis" an old person when their memories incorrect. They've weathered many of life's storms, so show them your respect. Don't "dis" an old person for perhaps some day soon, you will be that old person and will sing a different tune.
THE TOILET PAPER CAPER
Oh my goodness, oh my gosh
We're totally out of toilet paper
Someone broke in and pilfered it
Known as the toilet paper caper
It's really not a laughing matter
So wipe that silly grin off your face
The FBI's Stolen Bum Wipe Unit
Was called in to take the case
Went around from door to door
Searching for a lead or a clue
Except for a couple of possibilities
Wound up wearing out their shoes
As the leads started growing cold
Up pops this suspicious event
A race being staged at the university
Likely no criminal intent
But the first across the finish line
When they rang the final bell
Was awarded two dozen 3-ply rolls
By the makers of Cottonelle
Our preacher could not find his Bible
And thought most hoarders were liable
With sin for wages
We all took pages
As toilet paper most viable
Disaster Looming
Since this virus
Has come to be,
All unnatural
Happenings we see,
In the store,
Pray it’s not later,
That you find toilet paper!
Hurry! We need more
Everyone’s breaking down the door!
No sanitizers! No bread! No eggs!
No napkins! No paper towel!
No aspirin!
This is a mortal sin!
This is totally unnatural!
Hundreds of thousands
Collecting unemployment,
We have a military deployment!
Companies closing! Gyms closing!
Pools closing! Stores closing!
Beauty salons and barber shops closing!
Churches and synagogues cancelling services
Enough to cause anyone nervousness!
Government going to pay everyone
$1,000-$2,000 per person,
Government going to bail out hotels
And airlines-over $50 billion bucks
What horrible luck
We are all facing now,
The devil must be taking a bow,
Disaster looming,
No flowers blooming,
Government bankrupt folks
US Treasury gone broke!
Celine Rose Mariotti
Panic buyers have stopped dropping by
To sit on my lap and have a cry
I did what I could
For the public good
But they sure left a mess on my fly!
Could I borrow cup of toilet paper?
Asked old gentleman named Mr Saber
Slammed door in face
Without much grace
Not very polite this fearful neighbor
OMG people
Where’s the toilet paper
This shortage were having
Is major
People going nuts
Shopping like mad
It’s all so sad
Think of others
your leaving without
What are they to do?
While sitting on the loo
Doing a poo.
Come on guys
You’re in a frenzy
Time to go
Steady.
Shops will continue to buy product
So, there’s no need
For misconduct
Toilet paper
Has anyone got any ?
Because there is none in the shop's
Toilet paper is totally sold out
Due to panic and fear
But what really scares me
Is if this is how we react to CO19
Then what will it be like
If something far more serious occurred
Because in real terms
Panic buying is in essence selfish
But hey that's ok
Because i'm alright Jack
He’s a rocker, a mod, a violent young youth,
He bashes whoever he sees,
While she is a mugger when the sun disappears,
She’ll destroy, pretty much, both of your knees,
And he says he’s gay so of course he has AIDS,
Stay away, don’t infect us with “Qu##r”,
Are words uttered by small panicking towns,
The words that simple folk hear,
And the sore jaws of the world explain it away,
God’s will, a violent video game,
The music made him do it, teenagers today,
Shock jocks lead a moral crusade,
But today the distrust is against something small,
No vaccine, no drugs and no shots,
Nothing to blame so people panic buy,
Panic buying toilet paper from shops.
Safe behind the bathroom door,
I claw the paper to the floor.
Oh, hey, you home?
Toilet paper with teddy bears!
Bought by rich women with other wares.
Sold initially at world's fairs.
Amid joyous laughter in the airs.
Some people looked with ridiculous stares.
Such nonsense found at world's fairs!
Soon they will be coloring apples and pears
You never know what you have until it's gone
When the toilet paper runs out at the break of dawn
Using words you never knew you knew
Like body parts heard in next door's loo
Oh my, goodness gracious, poopy and holy fagons
A trust is like a toilet paper,
An ass can only be wiped once.
If you are spoil yours given chance,
It is not possible remake it.
At a rest stop on the highway,
In the women's room, a sign
Saying, "Please don't steal the toilet paper!"
(Exclamation, mine.)
Beneath it, in parentheses,
Was added ("Yes, folks do it")
Although what type of people would,
I couldn't quite intuit.
I guess the ones who litter,
Cut the lines or text and drive;
In other words, a huge percent
Of people now alive.
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