In the dense green layer,
a small wooden home,
a few days of peace,
existing all alone.
The beats are not the same:
water stream,
wild creatures,
birds talking,
the nature sings.
The painting I see from my window,
the scarf of clouds around the neck of hills,
the embellished valley simply exists.
A tall waterfall pouring its emotion.
The time stops here.
Every scary wildlife is a beauty here.
This ain't normal.
My eyes are stretched over a mile.
My destiny has carved something unreal,
a moment that feels surreal.
I am lost within the air,
a better world with every layer.
I come here often to press some brakes,
to escape from the stupid race,
to live a lonely life with slow pace.
I remember moments when his expressions of affection left me speechless. What insights have your memories offered me? I found myself quickly captivated by a charming scammer.
As the night came to an end, I urged him, "Let me heal." Someone wisely pointed out, "You are neither his therapist nor his mother." I should encourage his growth, but I won't take on his emotional burdens or fix his problems for him. After all, how many times can a fool be deceived? Lonely nights can wear away at one's soul.
I suggested he find a job, but he continues to insist that he is a celebrity.
Mr. Kingpalacekp, while anyone can assign themselves a title, true value comes from standing firmly behind it. Embrace your strength and courage.
It's halfway through this year, and next month will mark a month since I encountered the parasite.
It's time to put an end to this chaos before I find myself in a therapist's office.
Life has no balance.
In half.
I left therapy with chewed up gum in my mouth, tastes like my own brain goop.
I took my luggage which was really the “not sorry,” in that room.
Jump started.
Brushing my teeth with that therapy gunk.
It tastes like the crust of what a bug spit out.
Those busted up words and tears.
In half.
And both halves are as alive as the inside of a planet lightyears away.
I left therapy and my jaw started tasting good as carrion-gum.
I left therapy.
With an alive secret.
She went to war against her foe,
A battle until the end,
A battle of spite against her will,
A battle inside her head,
You see, dying was what her brain wanted,
To kill her from inside,
But then she stood against her mind,
And refused to f###ing die,
She grew her venom, her malicious spite,
Became fully self-aware,
Ate good food, slept all night,
Mastering self-care,
She did everything her brain hated,
Until all those thoughts had died,
She beat her foe in her private war,
When she overcame her mind.
When math class starts, stress will rise,
"I’m no good at math" glows up in our head,
You see rising panic form in our eyes,
Inner chat takes over instead.
But you take the "not now, not never", self-talk—
The labels we use when we're lost—
And show us how to pause, take a walk,
Where "failure's" a bridge to be crossed.
You guide us through the work on the board,
These mistakes are how we can learn.
A growth-filled room of learning to think,
Worry dies as good thoughts return
It was never about the X or the Y,
But how we speak to our thoughts at our desk;
You teach our minds a healthy reply,
Make our problems seem like a quest.
“I’m glad you found the courage to come back”
The courage?
As she sat there
With eyes filled
With muted green peso signs
Because my sorrow fuels her life
But girl
The courage?
I’ve been waiting for a train
That just won’t come
And I still kept moving
Even if I was walking with no one
Is that not courage?
Drowning in my sorrow
Y’all know I can’t swim
But to think
There’s a criteria for courage
That I don’t fit
Damn I can’t win
I smiled when I wanted to cry
Served when I wanted to be alone
Gave when I didn’t have any
Yet that amounts to nothing
And here I am
On my last straw
And she thinks I gathered up some kind of courage
No Ma'am
You’re giving me my
13th reason why
Because I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to need this
And I don’t want this feeling
But I just sat there and smiled
“Yes it feels good to be back”
As I journeyed through the hellish landscape of my past,
I began to put out the fires that somehow still last.
They were persistent and tried to reignite themselves, but I held fast.
Some would lunge and lick at me as the water was cast.
But I kept on working until the burning had passed.
I kept working until fertile fields were unmasked.
Then I began to plant seeds for my future. Seeds I would nurture into a landscape lush and vast.
Rain drips off bamboo
sound of my windchimes unmoved
silence then more rain.
Upon opening the dusty spruce door,
I am greeted by an old friend.
Charming woman, full of life and eager to chat.
As we entered her office, the soft brown couch was as tempting as ever.
Her oak roll top desk was neatly clean, her room had the aesthetic of a beach house.
After a few years of missed appointments, I feel ready to chat with her once more.
The faint sounds of rush hour traffic echoed in the distance.
Talking about my mornings, and memories I avoid naming, I confess what I’m willing to share.
She pauses, reflects, then softly speaks.
“I’m glad you didn’t, I’ve thought about you several times over the last couple of years.”
I force a soft smile.
It’s not easy explaining the sentences I stop myself from finishing.
This sealed vessel, there is no use for a broken sword.
However, she’s always kept her door open for me.
She’s the only one who listens and doesn’t interrupt me.
As our time came to an end for the day,
I thanked her for donating her time to see me.
As I get ready to leave,
All I can do is think of how comfortable the couch feels.
There I was,
Horned out like a crooked starch in the dark,
Praying my way to the middle room.
Turn left right up the back of the front stairs,
and that’s when I knew things would never be the same.
Down the hallway towards the stink.
Reality freezes...............
ZERO O'CLOCK ZERO O'CLOCK ZERO O'CLOCK
ZERO O'CLOCK ZERO O'CLOCK ZERO O'CLOCK
I wanted to see you for a last time in-person,
But you let everyone else, except me, in.
I'm sad I will never see or talk to you again.
Surely we'll meet again, just unsure when.
So instead I am visiting here, in your absence.
But I'm not alone, I have my father's presence.
Though it's emptier here, I feel your essence.
I know nothing will make any difference.
I'm colouring at coffee table like in my youth.
I'm reflecting on what was the bigger truth.
I'm sorry for all the moments I was uncouth.
I miss how you sometimes had a sweet tooth.
I decided it is here I much rather not stay.
I just needed to be here for longer than a day.
I'm self-therapying slowly out of mood so gray.
Though you're gone, my love will not go away.
Blossoms like my journal.
Scratches like the underside of my desk.
Chases me like a magnifying glass.
Twiddles its thumbs like a drawer.
Tangles like patterns on socks.
Flutters like a glass orb.
There were two days until therapy.
Bright and stunning conversations.
One hour until therapy?
I was gone.
One minute until therapy.
Tastes like opening up.
Stripes undone.
Couches like sitting in stew.
Suddenly, I lost the urge to sit on the couch.
And talk.
Tired like someone walking out the door of the therapist office.
30 seconds until my absence is noticed.
Abrupt like a therapist’s phone call.
But I’m already as gone as a rabbit.
Laughing like a rabbit so.
every word I write is a choice
as is every word I do not write
my pen can spark enthusiasm or inspire hope
with mere words she can invoke sad memories
whether the reader relates is not a concern for me
I write for me
writing is my therapy
it releases my own tensions and stressors
respecting tears swallowed deep down hard from childhood
when I lived with a mother who did not allow crying
love, a luminous infinite energy
Omnipotent it encompasses all
rainbows in sky, full therapy
Universal reverenced arching
Consummates Creation’s call
love, a luminous infinite energy
Eternal enduring marching
God’s cosmic coloured fall
rainbows in sky, full therapy
Relentless, bounties boundless art
Liberates equates huge or small
love, a luminous infinite energy
Pains or rains blessings into Heart
Arrives in doses or floods, enthrall
rainbows in sky, full therapy
Dark-Light it weaves, recall your part
Tender and fierce, raw emotions sprawl
Love, a luminous infinite energy
rainbows in sky, full therapy
~~~~~~~~~~~
She walks out of the room. There is no script for what's going to happen.
Next.
Equinox. Approaching the shadows of a moment.
I encompassed her with space unconditionally loving
Or
Dear god
At least putting my heart out with this intention.
Time moves so effortlessly forward. When she walked out
This moment felt like a clock striking midnight
When she shut the door behind her.
Her cheeks soiled with tears like autumn leaves soiled
With the streaks of time
To change their colours. It's
This something that brings life even when it looks
Like death.
That something that feels like another painful beginning.
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