The Johnson's found the house they'd dreamed about
They signed the papers happy as could be
But when they read the find print, they did shout
Their interest rate balloon they hadn't seen
They tried to sell the house, but had no luck
So with a higher payment they were stuck
The Johnson's learned that 'love is blind' applies
To those who build their castles in the sky
(Iambic Pentameter)
Hounding my head how stupid I was,
shoulda read the fine print.
I misplaced my glasses and couldn't see
what I bought online and they were sending me;
that bottle of wine didn't help my sight.
When I opened that package
excited to wear my new underwear
you can imagine my fright
to find a box with a pair of Candy G-string and bra.
Embarrassed to wear them,
but decide to give it a try
eager to see if they make me feel sexy and young.
My husband is in the corner crying
because he doesn’t get a treat
he is a diabetic and can't have anything sweet.
2/15/2018
Shoulda read the fine print - 8 Feb 2018
Binary code can only be understood
by those who look closely under the hood
The fine print of human DNA
the crux of reproduction per se
The fine print so small and very well hidden
the knowledge of such, to many, forbidden
Evolving from ‘God’ only knows what
to intellectual beings, self-taught!
Upgrading the human fine print in time
for that one day when the stars do align
And then when we take to planets anew
to breed DNA without further ado
These poor ET creatures will begin to think
“Shoulda read the fine print, *now we’re extinct!”
Shoulda read the fine print; my bad!
I’d still have my dog if I had,
but “no pets” the contract had said.
The dog’s with my ex now instead.
At least for the pool I was glad.
Shoulda read the fine print; my bad!
No guests?! After bragging to friends?!
My big dream of pool parties ends.
I’m off campus, yet MY rules too
are for students of BYU.
Shoulda read the fine print; my bad!
Now there goes my bachelor pad!
No women, no gambling, no booze.
There’s “L” on my forehead. I lose.
Happy Valley? I call this sad!
Shoulda read the fine print. My bad!
Feb 7, 2018
For the 'shoulda read the fine print - 2' Poetry Contest of John Lawless
(just imagining a guy stumbling into the city of Provo unaware of BYU standards and somehow signing a contract to live with off-campus students!)
There once was a woman titled Clair
who bought a spectacular timeshare
she got caught in their net
put five years into debt
and complained it simply wasn't fair.
Completed February 6th, 2018
I see that Bubba’s so forlorn.
He’s too depressed to talk today.
Two months in a full-body cast
can keep one’s cheerfulness at bay.
He donned his super hero suit
and took a header off the roof
(two-story!) Nothing broke his fall.
He lies now, silent and aloof.
He’d failed to read the tiny print:
“This suit can’t really make you fly.”
If he weren’t forty-five years old,
I’d feel compassion—even cry.
Date Written: January 29, 2018
Contest Title: Shoulda Read the Fine Print-2
Sponsor: John Lawless
The net's rife with possibilities,
you can order anything online.
And if you are shopping for a wife,
there are sites where the ladies look fine.
There's no denying they're pretty,
like a model or a movie star.
And they're all eager to travel here,
no matter your looks or who you are.
For a measly one thousand dollars,
I get to choose any girl I want.
And of course, I picked the sexiest,
that choice would come back to haunt me.
The big day came when she would arrive,
finally, I was to see my bride.
And as soon as she stepped off that train,
I wanted to either run or hide.
She had to be sixty if a day,
with glasses so thick she had to squint.
And much like that Nigerian Prince,
oh boy, I should've read the fine print.
(Quatrain)
1/27/2018
SHOULDA READ THE FINE PRINT
It was bright and all shined up
So I laid my money down
Jumped right in and buckled up
And headed off uptown
It began to rattle and shake
Smoke began to rise
I knew I'd made a big mistake
I had listened to the lies
I had in mind to hurt the man
Determined to break some bones
To carry out my fast hatched plan
To hear his moans and groans
He was waiting for my return
For the money I had lost
It really made my temper burn
When I added up the cost
He said he wondered where I went
In such a great big hurry
I shoulda read the fine print
But that was not his worry
He showed me the contract I had signed
And there in white and black
Nowhere on it could I find
He was bound to take it back
So my advice to you my friend
Before your money is spent
Don't be told that in the end
You shoulda read the fine print
19 January 2018
For contest sponsored by John Lawless
So many years ago, in my teen years,
our mom received a gift, her newest 'toy',
a Presto pressure cooker added to
her kitchen to create meals we'd enjoy.
Split pea soup recipe she'd planned to make,
to cook for sure in minutes, not in hours.
Excited we had gathered round to watch,
and knew fine soup for dinner would be ours.
At once, the pressure cooker went berserk!
It started hissing, shaking...gave a hint,
as soup shot up to paint our ceiling green,
that momma shoulda read the darn fine print!
Sandra M. Haight
~7th Place~
Contest: Shoulda Read The Fine Print - 2
Sponsor: John Lawless
Judged: 02/18/2018
True Story!
I shoulda read the fine print when I ordered an internet bride
She didn’t look like her photo and was twenty four feet wide!
I shoulda read the fine print, as she said she was QUITE hairy
But her beard is bushier than mine, oh I’m feeling so contrary!
I shoulda read the fine print when I purchased this old cow
Her teats are far too shriveled I cannot milk her now!
I shoulda read the fine print when I signed for my divorce
She took me to the cleaners and now I’m broke of course!
I shoulda read the fine print when I ordered myself a coffin
As I won’t be around at the end to see what they send me off in!
I shoulda read the fineprint contest
Sponsored by John Lawless
01/17/18
shoulda read the fine print
I got headaches, eyes are dry and they hurt sometimes
should have went to a doctor to see if I was fine
trouble seeing words up close
going down the street speeding rapidly
couldn't see speedometer doing 50 in a 30
shoulda read the fine print
Trouble seeing words up close
At a restaurant thought the menus said ketchup
but read desserts
Aching eyes, eyestrain also ordered gluten
instead of wheat grain
shoulda read the fine print
At my lawyer doin business
Tunnel vision guess I didn't see the paper
Signed my life away
Got in a bind now I itch
shoulda read the fine print
Drawn a will didn't read it well
Sign off! Left everything to Jezabel
Shoulda have read it better
Now I'm going steady with a black widow
Probyopia, I can't see good...
I told ya!
Guess, I could have squinted put the paper closer
Can't see with or without the glasses
shoulda read the fine print
01/17/18
FOR CONTEST: shoulda read the fine print
SPONSORED BY: John Lawless
SHOULDA READ THE FINE PRINT
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in bygone days I did the football pools
and always hoped my X had marked the spot?
making sure that I had read all the rules
an agent did the post ere I forgot.
for years not one single problem, until
my draws came up, I had marked the right spot.
on paper, I'd won a fortune! the thrill!
sadly the agent to post had forgot".
oh yes! it went to court, I'd win I thought,
all I got, for what its worth, my stake back.
yeah! so much for rules, taking it to court.
onus, on me, to see it in the sack!
I was wrought, I had read all the rules, but
I shoulda read the fine print, adjudged, shut!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Composed 17th January 2018
Entered in 'shoulda read the fine print' Poetry Contest, sponsored by John lawless
(none fiction.contest poem)
You should of read the fine print
When you in a job even as a teacher
Professionalism is what's required
Not going around turn a job into a personal issue
Just because of what you been through.
This is what I've been through with all my son teachers ever since he stepped foot in to public school.
And dealing with a teacher Name Maria had to tell me one day in a parent teacher night report card a discussion of how things with me and her is personal.
Never met the woman and she is not a friend nor family of mines
So yet last time I checked personal issue is base on family or friends.
Not in a job profession.
I do noticed every person I interact with in a job that's how they been acting towards me.
It makes me wonder who made the mistake of hiring them for they surly should of read the fine print.
Before you sign any paperwork
Ensure all of it you've read
Too often we've given our signature
Then we start to dread
Did I agree to something I shouldn't have
What exactly was there written
It's so important these things are checked
In order to not feel bitten
Always read the fine print
It's something that we're told
Cause often it's important
Too important to be bold
In the catalogue picture I saw
Such a gemstone that filled me with awe.
Oh, but I should have known
That ring’s smaller than shown -
At least SEVEN times tinier. BAH!
Written April 17, 2016 for Contest that closed 4/28
Nww used for the Second Chance #3 Poetry Contest of Broken Wings
It's pretty much all I have to enter this time!
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