I'm cuddly and cute
truly devoted to you-
but on my own terms
Well I'm going against my better judgement here
And telling you all of my mistakes
I'll do it on my own terms though
Because I don't want to get too close for too long
I know with each word I speak your heart breaks
So I'm pulling away with every ounce of strength I can muster
Because honesty nowadays lacks a certain shade of luster
And I'm terrified of our future together
This January air makes it too cold to catch my breath
But my lungs are burning with a sense of urgency
And I'm unable to breathe
I can't help but to speak faster, revealing all of my skeletons
But I'm drawing in closer to you
When all I want is to settle down in this backseat away from view
I'm failing at keeping my distance
Because this wasn't the way things were meant to be said
I walk my life on my own terms I set,
create the course on the lone pathway I pave.
I see probing faceless uncalled people pile,
break the barrier of protected privacy and pry,
asking incisive questions piercing my persona,
I don’t answer.
They want their footprints I follow compliant,
abandon what defines me on the wayside,
exist as a formless empty entity impersonated.
Caustic comments they make of me being inflexible,
on the atypical manner I behave, overtly odd to them,
I don’t react.
My heart quivers in the quicksand of harsh times,
emotions struggle to rise from the despondent debris.
Things good done for me I can’t acknowledge loud,
the bud of love for you blooms in me, I adore unexpressed.
Porous sensitivity absorbs all the feelings inarticulate,
I don’t demonstrate.
I will be doing till the end what I do, not being blunt,
even if you call me an obdurate being,
I don't care.
On my own terms my life I walk brave,
setting the course on the pathway I pave.
Nameless probing people uncalled, I descry
break the fence of protected privacy and pry,
ask incisive questions to slice my persona they try.
I don’t reply.
Their footprints I follow, they want with pride,
abandoning me for what I am on the wayside,
to exist as a mute formless entity dormant.
Caustic comments they make of me being adamant,
my character traits make on them negative impact.
I don’t react.
In my heart sunk in the quicksand of time weary,
emotions struggle to rise from the unfeeling debris.
The good done to me I don’t acknowledge loud,
but buds of their love bloom in me, I keep under shroud,
porous sensitivity absorbs all the feelings inarticulate.
I don’t demonstrate.
I will do what I do at free will until I finally sleep,
even if you all call me a deviant black sheep,
for life for me isn’t to fit in your measurement.
I would be me intransigent.
______________
April 30, 2023
Contest : Character Traits
Sponsored by : Angela Tune
The Professor had put in fifty years at the University of Dell.
It is time to step down, said those who did not know him well.
He began to teach chess, piano, and the art of puzzle making too.
These hobbies kept him alive and entertaining until the age of ninety-two.
I will go out on my own terms, he had always told his friends.
He had thousands of them by the time he reached one of his ends.
It’s just the beginning, one of his students was heard to say.
I know he is probably in heaven teaching his guts out today.
Talking is exhausting.
You see, I can see the future.
So I know exactly what they are going to say.
But they’re reading my thoughts and trying to counter my premonitions.
So we always have arguments that don't make sense.
When I’m talking to myself…
I can just repeat myself over and over.
And be in limbo.
On my own terms.
Doff these shackles,
No longer I wish to tread the path of my forefathers,
Never again shall I sweat and toil,
And bruise and weep and bleed for greeds fulfilment.
Neither do I wish to grind this chore,
Or hammer thy pick against the rugged face,
Or wheel black gold for others glory.
Instead, I will live in colour,
To enjoy every minute until my breath fades cold,
Each passing moment in this mad place indulged on my own terms,
Without tariff and without exception,
Without question and without remark,
Respect me for who I am,
Understand me for who I wish to be,
Then will I have true freedom and be at peace.
All I want is time to write,
A little space,
Some oak trees and butterflies.
All I want is a cardinal to land
A few feet away
on God's terms
All I want is the spirit to work
And think and pray and play
on my own terms
That will be more than enough
Thank you very much
Now fly home, fairy queen
Your mission is clear.
Your directives are there.
I am grateful to you, my friend.
I walk my life on my own terms,
setting the course on the pathway I paved.
I see probing faceless people crowd uncalled,
break the fence of protected privacy, try to pry,
asking incisive questions shredding my persona,
I don’t answer.
They want their footprints I follow compliant,
abandoning me for what I am on the wayside,
and exist as a void formless entity impersonated.
Caustic comments they make of me being obdurate,
on the manner I behave, extremely odd to them,
I don’t react.
In my heart mired in the quicksand of harsh time
emotions struggle to rise from the unfeeling debris.
Things good done to me aren’t acknowledged loud,
buds of your love bloom in me, I adore unexpressed.
Porous sensitivity absorbs all the feelings inarticulate,
I don’t demonstrate.
I will be doing till the end what I do at will,
even if you all call me a black sheep,
the intransigent me.
Written : July 19, 2019
February 13, 2020
Contest : Strand Select N, Any Form. Any Theme
Sponsor : Brian Strand
Beneath ivory moon and ebony sky
I found refuge in an abandoned bus stop
Dilapidated shops surround
A coronation to the dark side of capitalism
Busted windows tell horror stories
Once proud walls are crumbling
Fifty years ago this was prime real estate
Now it's a forgotten footnote for weary travelers
It's what happens when a dream is disfigured
As time passes it becomes a nightmare
And none remember when it was beautiful
I'm of the new generation that no longer dreams
Drenched in cold sweat I'm wide awake
And my heart is forever broken
My mind is a wasteland of it's never going to happen
Depressed this bus stop is my last hope
As I await the stagecoach of death
Knowing I might not have a dream
But I'll be damned if I don't go out on my own terms
Beneath ivory moon and ebony sky
Proper Society
A determined practitioner of misanthropy
My ungainly feet stumbling
I go about life on my own terms
To sit at a table for tea
Would find me apoplectic
No finishing school for old women
Who once burned their bras
I prefer to say my piece straight out
And watch truth bounce, like a pinball
From the walls of artifice
Polite conversation
Pass its tray to others, who can
Bend word to find themselves
A cabal of correctness
Their blinders hide them
From naked actuality
Are We Far More, Deep Souls That Love And Live
Are we short lived shadows that flow on by?
Fleeting dreams in universe of vapors
Dancing images from winds of sad, lost worlds
Mere clouds formed to fill a vast empty sky?
Light orbs, flashed to signal eternal Time?
On oceans of sadness, laughter and song
Treading along, walking in wisps of smoke
Clear evidence of Fate's deep charge and crime?
Do we rest and await that great unknown?
As blind sheep in a wild, unguarded herd
Content to feed and watch blue sky flow by
As our new replacements are slowly grown?
Are we far more, deep Souls that Love and Live?
Hearts that cry out to sing, dance, touch and give?
Robert J. Lindley , 6-25-2017
Sonnet, (On my own Terms)
Note- After reading Shelley's poem, titled Mutablity, I sat down to compose this sonnet as a reply. This was originally inspired by my reading of Brian's blog this morn and my reply to it.
I am getting lost somewhere in this world among a big crowd,
As I want to live life on my own terms for which I am really quite proud.
I don't want anyone to dictate me what to do and what not,
I want to be a free bird and don't want any one to tie me with a knot.
I got only one life so in my own way get it to set,
So that in future I should have anyway no regret.
I want to enjoy the life always and don't want to feel anyway sad,
For which I don't care whether others are feeling good or bad.
I got only one life then why should I confine myself in a cage,
And out of frustration whip others to discharge my own rage.
I want to remain original and cannot change myself for others' sake,
As I don't know how to act just like a fake.
But the people around you always want you to follow their own way,
So I don't want to be like them and so from them prefer to run away.
Will you know me in the darkness?
Will you know me in the rain?
Will my hand also be your hand?
Will my markings be your pain?
There is healing in alliance,
There is care in amity,
But my hurt was for no reason,
And my maim was desultory.
Will you go, will you go there?
Will you weigh misery?
Will you walk beside me kindly,
Will you lift my agony?
I am yours forever truly,
And my heart longs for your touch;
I can give you my dark secrets,
I can make my coldness lurch.
In my self is your true idol,
My genes are your vibrancy,
To each other we can promise,
In a bold dependency.
Will you go, will you go there?
Will you weigh misery?
Will you walk beside me kindly,
Will you lift my agony?
I can do it on my own terms,
I can fight the gloomy tide,
But if you would fight it with me,
I will be your world and bride.
Will you go, will you go there?
Will you weigh misery?
Will you walk beside me kindly,
Will you lift my agony?
Will you lift my agony?
The time has come
for me to be
just a little selfish
The time has come
for me to start
to put myself first
The time is now for me to say
No
Its not ok
To live my life
on my own terms
Each and every day
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