Long Turd Poems

Agony be to society's demise
Labels are for fools, not for the wise
Play the familiar tune of in-unison serenity 
Fatality won't come any time soon, thankfully...

Homeless people were on the news not to long ago...I weep...

Read More

C. T. Myers


Just a couple weeks ago the boss called in an ad, hoping we could find a guy to fill Bill Daly’s shoes.
Bill had fallen victim to the same thing that his dad had,...

Read More

          Johnny and Amber

To get my mind off war and inflation
I’ve watched the trial for defamation.
  But from what I’ve heard
  that scorned Amber...

Read More

If you would like to have your limerick(s) posted, soup mail them to me.

Ms. Rude is still writing her snide remarks
She sounds like a mad dog who barks and barks
Geeze, lady, give it a rest
Your...

Read More

Freed from my mind
I escape it
I end time
I think it
I think nothing of it
I believe in you
I believe in the American Dream
I think of it
I think nothing
I know you are something
How is it found 
Where...

Read More

1st Half - because of Poetry Soup's file size limitations -

                      How My Sister...

Read More

Twice told toilet tale – a cheeky execrable gross fable

which poetic product best be affixed 
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune...

Read More

I know this preacher
Big and famous
Books and hooks
Got good looks
The gals all love
Dudes are glued
To his words
Though some think
He’s a turd

He’s got so much money
He stopped counting
Talks about his legacy
So he can buy
The universe 
And...

Read More

100% Natural psyllium husk delivered solid ecstasy

As of late - I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found yours truly
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony

as if elephant or red (livid...

Read More

Nelson Cedrick Thunderwood, a colonel in the army, has served his country faithfully for thirty-seven years. 
I doubt if there could be a medal Nelson hasn’t won, and he’s earned the admiration and respect of...

Read More

This is, as indicated, the 2nd HALF of this fairly lengthy poem. Due to Poetry Soup's file-size limitations, this piece had to be posted in 2 parts. 
   The 1st HALF can be...

Read More

Kirby Kirby’s sister’s brother’s cat bit Bill Belushi’s 45 lb. Yorkie on the *** last Tuesday night,
And I’m a real big fan of dogs so…when it comes to felines…bitin’ canines ANYWHERE, well...I don’t think it’s...

Read More

I have a way with words
They may hurt with a sting or they may be badly injuring…this time forth and forevermore…
My mind wanders in a hundred herds 
I’m too late…I’m too lost…I’m running outta time…Kingdom...

Read More

There IS a Subtle Difference!



A friend of mine, of mixed descent - Nadia Bugerelli - called me on the phone last night and told me right straight out
That Juan Kazenski planned to beat me up...

Read More

Write a limerick of your own about a Muppet. 
If you post it in a comment or in soup mail to me, 
and I find it appropriate, I'll add it on. ;-)


Sesame Street's Count von...

Read More

Carson’s got a football game at 3 o’clock in Solon, and if he’s going to make it he would have to leave right now…
And Landon’s got a baseball game at 3 in Cedar Rapids…it’s two...

Read More

Ready...Aim...Fire!

In light of tension twixt
brinkmanship rumbling one
East Asian Tiger
country otherwise known as
"the land of morning calm,"
yours truly t'will invite 
"freedom foo fighters"
tubby regaling with a jubilant aire
total mortal Kombat 
levels threat of human warhead
bomb dubbed...

Read More

Danny’s got a baseball game at 4 this afternoon, and Sarah’s playing soccer at 4:30. Holy cow!
Tommy’s in a tournament that starts at 3 p.m., and if he’s going to make it, he would have...

Read More

yes, this daft punk pink animal from farm ville will newt axe
any thank u mooch positive word does not rick choir whet backs
now i hold out virtual fig leaf tub buffer 
   end...

Read More

Otis Wheat was a simple man.  He didn’t have much to say and when he did say something it was worth listening to.  He was generally shy to a fault but when the...

Read More

Alpha Bet Cap Cha

Just twenty six letters of the english language to whit
twisted in various & sundry combinations pit
this bull dog of a canonical wordsmith with true grit
to craft bone a fide filigreed grammatical parts...

Read More

You were "blood", & you had nowhere else to go. 
You were the brother of my love, how could we tell you no?

We welcomed you in our home, you and your "escorting" hoe.
He even got...

Read More

While napping in my easy chair a couple days ago - the television muted as I slept -
I opened up my eyes to find a great big hairy spider crawling ‘cross the floor…and as it...

Read More

     Unquotable quotes -  III

When in Rome, do as the Roman Nero.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the vain and the 
       ...

Read More

Hurriedly enroute to her royal majesty
porcelain goddess throne
whereupon earlier today
March 28th, 2022,
after incomplete defecation
sitting pretty on pissoir,
I jiggled and wiggled posterior

(analogous to performing
the bum bared hustle)
until gasping for breath
though unable to shake loose
dangling dingleberry yours...

Read More