Long Turd Poems

Agony be to society's demise
Labels are for fools, not for the wise
Play the familiar tune of in-unison serenity 
Fatality won't come any time soon, thankfully...

Homeless people were on the news not to long ago...I weep...

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Defecation accidentally clogged...

for the umpteenth time 
during spate to sit scrawny buttucks 
on porcelain throne id est 
videre licet toilet bowl...
with toxic water brew threatening
to overflow onto the floor,
and hence found yours truly (me)
immersing himself...

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If you would like to have your limerick(s) posted, soup mail them to me.

Ms. Rude is still writing her snide remarks
She sounds like a mad dog who barks and barks
Geeze, lady, give it a rest
Your...

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Freed from my mind
I escape it
I end time
I think it
I think nothing of it
I believe in you
I believe in the American Dream
I think of it
I think nothing
I know you are something
How is it found 
Where...

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Twice told toilet tale – a cheeky execrable gross fable

which poetic product best be affixed 
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune...

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I know this preacher
Big and famous
Books and hooks
Got good looks
The gals all love
Dudes are glued
To his words
Though some think
He’s a turd

He’s got so much money
He stopped counting
Talks about his legacy
So he can buy
The universe 
And...

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100% Natural psyllium husk delivered solid ecstasy

As of late - I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found yours truly
doubled over in gastrointestinal agony

as if elephant or red (livid...

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I have a way with words
They may hurt with a sting or they may be badly injuring…this time forth and forevermore…
My mind wanders in a hundred herds 
I’m too late…I’m too lost…I’m running outta time…Kingdom...

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Write a limerick of your own about a Muppet. 
If you post it in a comment or in soup mail to me, 
and I find it appropriate, I'll add it on. ;-)


Sesame Street's Count von...

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Ready...Aim...Fire!

In light of tension twixt
brinkmanship rumbling one
East Asian Tiger
country otherwise known as
"the land of morning calm,"
yours truly t'will invite 
"freedom foo fighters"
tubby regaling with a jubilant aire
total mortal Kombat 
levels threat of human warhead
bomb dubbed...

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yes, this daft punk pink animal from farm ville will newt axe
any thank u mooch positive word does not rick choir whet backs
now i hold out virtual fig leaf tub buffer 
   end...

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Otis Wheat was a simple man.  He didn’t have much to say and when he did say something it was worth listening to.  He was generally shy to a fault but when the...

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Alpha Bet Cap Cha

Just twenty six letters of the english language to whit
twisted in various & sundry combinations pit
this bull dog of a canonical wordsmith with true grit
to craft bone a fide filigreed grammatical parts...

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You were "blood", & you had nowhere else to go. 
You were the brother of my love, how could we tell you no?

We welcomed you in our home, you and your "escorting" hoe.
He even got...

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     Unquotable quotes -  III

When in Rome, do as the Roman Nero.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the vain and the 
       ...

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Hurriedly enroute to her royal majesty
porcelain goddess throne
whereupon earlier today
March 28th, 2022,
after incomplete defecation
sitting pretty on pissoir,
I jiggled and wiggled posterior

(analogous to performing
the bum bared hustle)
until gasping for breath
though unable to shake loose
dangling dingleberry yours...

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No Matter The Floor You Pass Out On

I awake as any other madman slash poet.
Apon the floor  naked  pizza box for pillow a members only jacket for a blanket.
yes the libary sure has...

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	Unquotable quotes – VII

What comes in through one ear goes out through the rear.
Give him a wench and, he’ll want her to be French.
Give him an inch and he’ll take no small pinch.
Better be swallowed...

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Sitting, watching my favorite fishing channel on TV,

Then I hear my wife screaming, calling out to me.

I run up the stairs, into the bathroom, a huge spider,

She stopped screaming and I saw what frightened her.


I...

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Plague of lies,
froggy croaks untrue
Swarm of flies
surround Capitol dungHills
Infectious hope buzz kill:
Leftover piles of shill legislative bills
that don’t do  do right

There should be no nose mystery,
stink of deceit fills the land

Brown lip locust wings
avarice...

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I seethe with livid rage within the bowels of my being
when sitting upon the porcelain goddess ample defecation doth cling
immediately triggering an internal self hatred 
   charge of body electric to signal an...

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With John Wayne snarling at me
from the television screen,
I quickly glance at my watch;
five minutes to the end 
of a year’s journey through
what the Psalmist would describe
 as the Valley of Death,
and what Dante would...

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The ex Soldier An Allegory


A foul furtive fellow,

came a knocking at Joe's door,

what doth thou want,

thou craven knave,

Speak up else I put thee in thy grave,


I mean no harm my master

The ill looking creature moaned

I...

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A Parody for Soupers based on the song, 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town.'

You better not shout
You better not sigh
You better not pout
I'm telling you why...
PS Admin is makin' the rounds
They are bound
to be making...

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Wow is this for real, my boy lollipop,
My best ever destination, da, da da da,
Is a trip to the park
I love it when it gets dark,
Da da da da,
My boy lollipop.	
I want to see the...

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