Twice Told Toilet Tale a Cheeky Execrable Gross Fable

Twice told toilet tale – a cheeky execrable gross fable which poetic product best be affixed with hashtag STINKY label. As a young whippersnapper and one precocious lad to boot, I discovered common combustible materials found in the bathroom. At opportune times, I blithely tinkered with dangerous chemicals that could (but never did) explode into one humongous fiery maelstrom and bloom (re: annihilate) this lad to smithereens. Window kept open to avoid un--necessary nor accidental asphyxiation. After clearing defecation deep within, the recesses of my bowels, I thenceforth indiscriminately combined various household cleansers and cleaners (in powder and/or liquid form) into the bidet. The requisite sphincter muscle byproduct constituted the key ingredient. Anyway, my aha moment arrived one childhood day that long sought after ka-boom sent a plume of smoke in tandem with geyser of water caused me to feel flush with excitement. Waste trill fluttering filled mine heart (like music to thine ears) after mine solid waste fecal byproduct went kerplunk and caused tsunami on other side of word. Mere seconds elapsed before explosive outcome found me hurled clear across the room like a bat out of hell. Fortunate for me that this natural bodily excretory function never caused any serious outcome, nor injury to life nor limb. Immaculate notes (with graphic pictures – albeit crude) attempted to document any pertinent information. At some juncture with this private laboratory experiment, a close observation (with nose pinched tight) revealed bubbles of air trapped within our archaic household plumbing fixtures. That aha i.e.eureka moment prompted me to utter “holy ” when a chain reaction similar to volcanic rush of air took place within the planet. With haste not waste, these nimble fingers scribbled unintelligible (deliberately illegible to everybody but myself) the chemical romance to light a fire under the buttocks of whomever happened to be in need of emptying their bowels. Now, I eagerly waited, (albeit with impatience) for that opportune time whereby thee unsuspecting child or adult needed to answer that alimentary call of nature my dear Watson. The moment of anticipation arrived when a long forgotten accursed relative visited unexpected, which unannounced rap on the door fueled fanciful notion to whip up potion to promulgate prank within the potty. Once necessary ingredients, (which secret formula cannot be divulged – well maybe for a negotiable fee) got poured giddy glee generated gloating from head to toe. Quick as Jack B Nimble or his best friend Jack B. Quick, these skinny legs (spindleshanks) sped away, yet in close activity to the innocent by sitter who nonchalantly ambled into the powder room to tend to private business. Right ear cocked against wall that served as barrier between occupant of water closet and yours truly. Pleasant barely audible humming, tweeting, and twittering (like an angry) bird singing emanated while obnoxious guest of dishonor proceeded to place posterior atop potty. Seconds ticked by with every now and again pages of printed material heard in conjunction with abdominal groans and grunts to assist sacrifice to the porcelain goddess. Utter stillness suddenly punctuated by the initial sound of a splash into the crapper. I cupped hands to mouth lest any unwanted guffaw slip out. Instantaneously, our pestilential kooky cousin kissed their ass goodbye as propulsion forced the body politick clear thru the unwelcome ample sized window. Goodbye Charlie (pseudonym used here to protect the not so innocent) soon became diminishing shape spiraling toward the horizon. One speck of flotsam headed spaceward versus the turgid turd joining brethren into the sewerage cistern. Written by: Edgar Allan poop, who required quite some time to recoup, and with slops pail headed off to collect specimens from the latest scoop rearing to go bouncing along ass signed to another bum rap, whereby blistered buttucks hopes to earn yours truly another touché (tush hay) before bottom smacked courtesy leader of troop a strong indigenous native son, whose butt tressed reputation recounts storied war whoop.