I Know This Preacher

I know this preacher Big and famous Books and hooks Got good looks The gals all love Dudes are glued To his words Though some think He’s a turd He’s got so much money He stopped counting Talks about his legacy So he can buy The universe And not read my verse He’s got no degrees Though he knows His Bible In some one-sided way Makes you wonder What he’s been Snorting He’s not into politics But into property Bought himself A basketball arena But I like the guy Though his services Are too long Cause I grew up Catholic We’re into quick masses And short little services For fast busy people But I’m addicted to His podcasts Start listening to him First thing in the morning Holding my rosary Makes me feel holy Don’t pray with words Just thinking of Jesus’s Death, passion That kind of stuff That’s my routine Can’t quite explain it He’s the most popular Preacher in the world Not bad for a man Without formal degrees I like his jokes He seems so sincere His wife’s pretty hot And helps families A lot I kind of know my stuff But have a background In the sociology Of popular religion So I want to study him Without much suspicion I think he inspired With his diverse choir He likes country music So long as it’s religious Has issues with gays Though claims We all have our own path And besides makes me laugh He still welcomes gays In an odd kind of way And I listen to him Holding my rosary Not sure why But he’s so Entertaining He’s into his money Thinks bigger is better And he raises much more Giving so much away Usually in secret And I don’t think It’s just a big rumor He’s got a big house Says you can too Just remember That God wants ten percent To go to his rent But he never forces But tells us we’re favored And that you and God Can be Rolling in bucks He does have valid Perspectives Does what he preaches Really minds His own business He sort of talks Like a regular Joe I think he’s sincere Though not into beer He points out And reminds me Of points In the Bible But I’m kind of Into the guy I still don’t know why Has that genuine smile Many people are Are not into church But him they like In him they find Someone who is positive Someone with faults Someone who helps Someone’s who’s kind Yet he’s an Entertainer, just like me Yet he’s not willing To take political stands Yet he’s best friends With Jimmy Carter But supports Tele-evangelists Who seem to be con-men Yet I know for a fact He’ll go into a restaurant And buy the whole Place a meal And admits his faults It’s apparent he’s knows Jewish studies Eastern thought too He knows and understands Science Doesn’t brag Doesn’t let on That he sleeps Not so much Studying all the time His books are well written In simple beauty And grace Yet he’s so Commercial He makes people Believe bigger Is better But is really into Mother Theresa. He’s an entertainer. Yet I write A lot of satire Though don’t have The bucks But I listen Every morning While I talk To the Blessed Mother And I’m a member I send him A small donation Every month Not ten percent More like two Cause there are Other places That need help too And he’s texted me Personally With his kind of calendar He’s made time For me Saying I’m doing The right thing And that I’m still A member if I Donate nothing at all This preacher is famous Thinks bigger is better Though not always He’s so commercial But helps so many more Than me This I can see So I listen to him While I pray In my own Imperfect way.