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I Know This Preacher

I know this preacher
Big and famous
Books and hooks
Got good looks
The gals all love
Dudes are glued
To his words
Though some think
He’s a turd

He’s got so much money
He stopped counting
Talks about his legacy
So he can buy
The universe 
And not read my verse

He’s got no degrees
Though he knows
His Bible
In some one-sided way
Makes you wonder
What he’s been
Snorting

He’s not into politics 
But into property 
Bought himself
A basketball arena

But I like the guy
Though his services 
Are too long
Cause I grew up Catholic 
We’re into quick masses
And short little services
For fast busy people 

But I’m addicted to 
His podcasts 
Start listening to him
First thing in the morning
Holding my rosary 
Makes me feel holy
Don’t pray with words 
Just thinking of Jesus’s 
Death, passion 
That kind of stuff

That’s my routine
Can’t quite explain it
He’s the most popular
Preacher in the world
Not bad for a man
Without formal degrees

I like his jokes
He seems so sincere
His wife’s pretty hot
And helps families
A lot

I kind of know my stuff
But have a background 
In the sociology 
Of popular religion
So I want to study him
Without much suspicion 

I think he inspired
With his diverse choir
He likes country music
So long as it’s religious 
Has issues with gays
Though claims 
We all have our own path 
And besides makes me laugh

He still welcomes gays
In an odd kind of way 

And I listen to him
Holding my rosary
Not sure why
But he’s so
Entertaining

He’s into his money 
Thinks bigger is better 
And he raises much more
Giving so much away
Usually in secret
And I don’t think
It’s just a big rumor

He’s got a big house
Says you can too
Just remember 
That God wants ten percent 
To go to his rent

But he never forces
But tells us we’re favored
And that you and God
Can be
Rolling in bucks

He does have valid 
Perspectives 
Does what he preaches
Really minds 
His own business 

He sort of talks
Like a regular Joe
I think he’s sincere
Though not into beer

He points out
And reminds me
Of points 
In the Bible

But I’m kind of
Into the guy
I still don’t know why
Has that genuine smile

Many people are
Are not into church
But him they like
In him they find

Someone who is positive
Someone with faults
Someone who helps
Someone’s who’s kind

Yet he’s an
Entertainer, just like me
Yet he’s not willing
To take political stands

Yet he’s best friends
With Jimmy Carter
But supports 
Tele-evangelists
Who seem to be con-men

Yet I know for a fact
He’ll go into a restaurant 
And buy the whole 
Place a meal

And admits his faults 
It’s apparent he’s knows
Jewish studies
Eastern thought too
He knows and understands
Science 

Doesn’t brag
Doesn’t let on
That he sleeps 
Not so much
Studying all the time

His books are well written 
In simple beauty
And grace

Yet he’s so
Commercial 

He makes people 
Believe bigger
Is better

But is really into
Mother Theresa.

He’s an entertainer.
Yet I write
A lot of satire

Though don’t have
The bucks

But I listen
Every morning
While I talk
To the Blessed Mother

And I’m a member
I send him
A small donation 
Every month

Not ten percent
More like two
Cause there are
Other places
That need help too

And he’s texted me
Personally 
With his kind of calendar
He’s made time
For me

Saying I’m doing
The right thing
And that I’m still
A member if I 
Donate nothing at all

This preacher is famous 
Thinks bigger is better
Though not always 

He’s so commercial
But helps so many more
Than me
This I can see

So I listen to him
While I pray
In my own
Imperfect way.

Copyright © Rick Davis | Year Posted 2023

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