Prolonged offal bout courtesy constipation redux revisited

Prolonged offal bout courtesy constipation... redux revisited Upteenth instance where yours truly experienced assault upon hindquarters. A worse hellish fate than perdition and the closest in the throes of agonizing death scene rendition stabbing sphincter muscle spasms wrench yours truly analogous to contortionist, who presents convincing torturous scenario even absent primal screams readers or eavesdroppers envisioning his twisting and writhing as if body frankly zapped courtesy jolted electric tradition, (cuz these intestinal blockages happen time and again) even after applying **** douche. At least forty eight hour time span lapsed whereby big boy wanted to cry explaining how yours truly felt he would die an undertaking malaise found me experiencing physical duress vis a vis, a bowel movement, wherein waste unable to expel from the anus of this guy, which bout with rectal obstruction found me doubled over with lower abdominal distress, whereby comfort found me unable to lie down nor sit upright (even with back padded with pillows against the cellar brick wall), thus severe bloating a bonus well nigh and managed on a previous occasion at the original date of this posting to muster the means to compliment barenaked ladies, who freeze off their duff and sweat gallons to boot braving elements of style to rectify getting poop unstuck despite burning buns upon blazing saddles or frigid arctic vortex aire respectively, yours truly whether playing roles of doctor and patient undertaking home remedies to expedite impossible mission to defecate within the comfort of climate controlled domicile, I braced myself against abdominal pain to purchase the Acme brand Metamucil, which akin to Drano doth ply thru the excretory tract supposedly loosening the stools, which optimism (product didst earn claim to fame) generated a sigh if that expressed intent to cease LivingSocial would try humph enjoining this lxvi year old married male to cede victory to the grim reaper, who would vie as winner de jure to this common fellow invoking libretto ohm resistant understudy waste not want not allowing, enabling and providing relief, without successful defecation despite the oppressive urge to bolster this Uriah Heep of balled up and tuckered out five foot and ten inches of lovely bones, thence mouthing retraction of former thought to cease existing though a non-bull lever in any power broker qua mankind relief at long last provided posterior answered prayer yet, this wordsmith scrutinizes his recurring pain in the ass jagged torture and asks a rhetorical one word question "WHY"? As of early July 9th, 2025 I finally move bowels barely but... mine whole body felt analogous to sluggish mollusk stasis of lower bowel found yours truly doubled over in gastrointestinal agony as if elephant or red (livid with rage) bull thrust his tusk into mine tush ah...voila... hence subsequently I tout over the counter rectal relief while suffering nates issues blessed magic of laxatives Amitiza, Dulcolax, and Miralax relieving lower abdominal and rectal discomfort agonizing me dawn to dusk. Upon swallowing first or second named laxative or sprinkling Mix-in powder pack, within 8+ ounces of water, not aesthetically pleasing major drawback foisting human waste heavy as a full coalsack sometimes burned and scorched black movement came swift, on par how fast snaky Mister liquid Plumber doth attack obstructed potty bowl. Well now... monumental poetic challenge, I now craftily abbreviate (think clogged toilet synonymous with blockage) waste matter after days did accumulate ready to apply corkerasp* regarding rectal blockage to alleviate. Imagine impossible airy mission to defecate which debilitating scenario (mine) accursed fate frequently recurring more often as yours truly ages i.e. latter day saint Matthew Scott got older rectal affliction compromised me ordinary easy going demeanor to boot disallowing, disenabling, and not permitting me - effecting, emulating, and exhaling Tony the tiger's catchword grrrrrreat if queried about my constitution when alas... absolute zero ecstasy found me expelling bowel movement with effort weighing approximately 0.71428571 stone though relieved, nevertheless the toilet bowl clogged, prompting me to correct historical records on two accounts despite causing potential ruckus disaster buffs may incriminate nsync notion huge bowel movement (mine) took down (analogous voyage to bottom of sea) toto Lusitania and actually additionally caused separate incident complex edifice (think Titanic) both sturdy ships of state former rendered, lifted, foundered... latter purportedly crashing into iceberg mate. *Lemme explain the essence of a corkerasp the brainchild of our then grade school eldest (of two) born daughters, now grown to womanhood and healthy as an oxymoron. Whenever constipation a pain in the ass just maneuver this lightweight metal contrivance made of brass no matter if anybody considers this action crass apply corkscrew motion up the alimentary canal to remove waste which most likely will be thick like petrified paste stuck deep inside bowels of the sphincter muscles and solidly encased causing severe cramps within lower gastrointestinal tract inducing one to wince nonstop from being with fecal matter packed and no amount of primal groaning didst loose this hard fact nor does imagery of freed turd ease the **** plight no laughing matter despite how absurd squeezing does nothing even applying all inner might thus necessary to incorporate unnatural intervention to unclog rectal blockage + uncomfortable bloating swelling anus the size of a hog disabling barely any ease to stand let alone jog, yet tis essential per extricating what feels like one swallowed a log lest epitaph induce possible eulogy possibly spoken the language of Prague every ounce of effort required to bend over gingerly affixing plunger end of device to business rear end best accompanied with close companion or friend since dirty deed done dirt cheap trick will ideally rend rock solid excrement to roll and release crashing sound sent upon the bathroom floor possibly inducing seismic waves less or more whereby toilet bowl water will pour over the sides akin to white caps near sea shore without doubt all the while gluteus maximus extremely sore.