I Made a Beeline Bustle

Hurriedly enroute to her royal majesty porcelain goddess throne whereupon earlier today March 28th, 2022, after incomplete defecation sitting pretty on pissoir, I jiggled and wiggled posterior (analogous to performing the bum bared hustle) until gasping for breath though unable to shake loose dangling dingleberry yours truly nevertheless synchronously praise zing a mostly functioning sphincter muscle. Gross and smelly as human excrement considered expelling fecal matter comprises important function, whereby any unspent ingested material shunted thru alimentary canal then spewed courtesy sphincter vent. **** lies zing constipation and/or stubborn stuck drek nothing to poo poo about, cuz when bedeviled by colorectal obstruction, no matter emetics applied with bonafide clout without wasted doubt, that malodorous, maleficent malevolent malady body electric doth flout analogous to uranus clogged with grout, whereat no heroic efforts break loose, the severely obstructed bowel, thus spurring determined, desperate derriere plea for proctologist sought to relieve constipation equipped with a special "J" shaped, hooked, and designed dowel in an effort to pry stoppage if/when yours truly constipated jamming up human cloaca, where rock solid stubborn immovable turd emits foul gaseous emanations accompanied with a$$ a nine growl followed by red hot, fiery excruciating spasms shooting jagged pain inducing yours truly to access, the werewolf within howl, where a preference for sciatica, in place, but my ill luck regarding aforementioned plight merely naming said nerve pain accursed affliction arises analogous to parasite malefactor thieve ving would be equally unpleasant and offer absolutely zero reprieve along heinie kin cheeky jowl, thence finding me resorting to peeve hush scream therapy, which wrought nothing, no pain did re: leave me bummed out bum, but veins snapping, popping, and crackling, utmost effort I forcefully heave oye how aye did grieve plus a bajillion gallons of perspiration, while lower gastrointestinal agonizing torture didst cleave entire abdominal area please believe without aforementioned crisis, and feeble poem, I could not achieve.