Battle axe (For the 2nd Half) ... "At last!"
Way too fast past the rescue rascal hassling haphazardly mastered dastardly bastards' fractions of captioning cast iron spiraling wired wax on wax off golf cart Bart Simpson minced garlic cubes boob tube huge goober schooner dooms Days Taser taker wafer run stun gun NOT funny honey bun for one shunned lonesome wholesome quotient potion grunt of a stunt punt the ball into mid autumn leaves fall raking reiki draped date maker place mat patty whack hacky sack crap slapped happy tap dance romance slanted jambalaya riot spliced mice diet quiet cheese, please teases on both knees bereavement easing Fort Leavenworth girth that brings birth to twerk twerps slurred slurping squirts of hurting beef Jerky lurching around the church yard disbarred and charred crash cars 100 yards too far to see scars Mars rover Range Rover Red rover come over 4 leaf clover lawn mower seed Sower leaf blower as NOT just another voter devotional spokesperson swerving tertiary but too scary hairy fairy blue berry merry go round sage turns the page safe and sound clown town brown bag the sandwich fad dude and all of that...
isn't easy
because I talk about nothing
all the time.
It is late March and I love
everything I see
around me:
blooming trees
that I don't know
but appreciate
one color at a time,
bees that are busy and
industrious, sunsets that
are never identical and always
worth ogling over,
as well as
the bare buds
of creativity and song.
That was a mouthful
of a stanza
that I hope
you swallowed down
as smooth as a lozenge.
I tried not to embarrass
my cool kid.
I tried not
to get excited
about the birds
in the trees
who could care less
about golf, and scores,
and fancy pants, and awkward
golf carts.
I made it five minutes.
Then, I asked Ben:
"Did you hear
the goldfinch."
Immediate
embarrassment
ensued.
I learned my lesson
and went back
to my golf cart
to continue drawing
the goddess of war
because I admire
strong women
who face battle
when it counts.
They are the women
who don't shut up.
ladybug hitches
a ride upon my golf cart....
warm december day
HAPPY THANKSGIVING I AM BLESSED RETURN HOME AUDI PARKED I AM QUICKLY REMINDED OF MY DESPERATE PLEAS THANK GOD I RELOCATED JUST IN TIME SECTION 8 HOUSING SAVED ME AND MY FAMILY FROM BECOMING VICTIMS OF THE STRANGE AUDI PARKED INSIDE ON THE FLOOR A DEAD WOMAN COULD THE KILLER BEEN SENT TO MURDER ME MY CHILDREN HERE WE ARE AGAIN AUDI PARKED HEART MEDICATION TAMPERED WITH ELOQUIS FIR MY AFIBRILLATION IRREGULAR HEARTBEATS ALSO HELPS WITH BLOOD CLOTS METOPROROL FIR SEVERE CHEST PAINS MY GOD I FEEL VIOLATED ABD SAD FIR MY NEIGHBOR BREAKING IN MY HOME TO TREAT A HEART PATIENT WITH TIES TO THE DEAD WOMANS PARKED AUDI IS IT CIRO THE MAFIA THE KIDNAPPERS THE THREATS RETURN I AM LIVID ANGRY HOW DARE MY NEIGHBORS ACTION BREAK IN MY HOME USING KEYS HE REKEYED OUR LOCKS AGAIN USE CAR USED GOLF CART SALEMAN USUALLY HAVE SPECIAL EQUIPMENT TO REPLACE ABD DUPLICATE LOCKS FOR MONTHS NOW EVERY TIME WE RETURN HOME ELOQUIS METOPROROL TRAMADOL KLONOPIN EVEN VIAGRA FUNNY I FEEL SAD FOR MY BURGULARS WITH HEART CONDITION OR PERHAPS AN ELDERLY PERSON WITH NO INSURANCE
TIGER THE SQUIRREL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a golf-loving squirrel named Tiger
In a golf cart, he was never a rider.
He chipped acorns with flair
Through the crisp autumn air
Sinking putts while his tail waved ever higher!
At Augusta he drove from the tee with a crack
Sending pinecones far down the fairway track
With one paw on his hip
He'd adjust for the slip
Of wet leaves—never missing a shot back!
His hole-in-one made the ‘woods’ cheer
As blue jays swooped down to draw near
With his green jacket Tiger bowed, twitching his nose
He practiced from dawn till night, for his fame arose.
Tiger, the Masters golf champion all creatures did revere!
Silhouettes know they’re loved, day and mostly nights;
When my ball sails the fence, I fetch—two blocks down
And when the dog walks the cat—dragged when she bites,
While ticketed, my name changed to a pronoun,
Love baseball, yet my golf ball, they can’t catch mines,
I’m in shorts and shirttails, she’s dressed to the nines,
She’s in the clubhouse, and I’m in the golf cart,
Begs I, she came; she’s there, I’m here, being smart.
Not a clock watcher, though, I’m told, “You’re still here?”
The wage is great, yet labor can be taxing
Staffed, forty years; polite—but can be austere
Wrote up some, watching union ranks relaxing
I hate writing up folks, or being strict, ugh!
Some tact, less frank, gets smiles, or a shoulder shrug
Double-shift, no-takers, no clock—“What’s with that?”
Worst, are those days, straight two days, I'm left at bat!
My stalker sits across inside my neighbors home he has a rekey machine to burglarise homes cars boats golf cart awaiting disabled seniors to venture out for prescription medication groceries doctors appointments he’s a mechanic she’s been stalking me for over 23 years she craves my energy my smile my joy watching my husband and I gardening we laugh continuously she hates that the most sometimes she throws dirt on our stairs the mechanic a professor burglars no sign of breaking and enter just the key hole slides out with you key rekeyed entry after 3500 in lock smiths pop a lock security cams she sits there obsessed with my energy my smile my joy
Once upon a time, one of the most heartbreaking tales
ever told - Snow White will not wake up. Forever,
her husband bruised, as if a true to life witch
threw him off Rapunzel’s tower, and into the briars,
beating, blighting, blinding him. He doesn’t want to see
the world without his bride. Meanwhile, an insipid whiner
behind bars, after her drunken careen and crash,
begs with youthful tears - but…but…they let out murderers,
those who deliberately kill. I told the judge I was sorry…
as if she just took a cookie from a toddler. The golf cart framed
with extreme happiness of bride and groom…celebrants
wishing them well, blessing their union ‘til death do they part.
5/23/2023
Est 1938
Purchasing candy cigarettes from you
Mischief in your tiny parking lot
Doing wheelies around you on my General Lee BMX bike
Renting ancient overpriced films
Buying superman ice cream
even if it tastes like chalk
Journeying to you in a battered golf cart
Friends strapped to the rear
snickers ice cream whispering our names
A piece of me died when you did
Your fate was not righteous
You were vibrant in your prime
turned to ashes and barren 2-by-4s
soot engulfing blown-out windows
like mascara after a tragedy
Don’t weep dear corner store
I know its unbearable knowing
your life ended hastily
to an abandoned vanilla bean candle
Town Car
Limousine
Golf Cart
Handicap
Hole in 1
Sand Wedge
Bunker
Apprentice
Litigation
1 Term
4 Short year's
Reality
Fired
Good luck Joe
You won
It's your problem now
Time to deliver
I am Polly the metermaid
who enjoys inflicting pain.
handing out tickets is my gain,
as I rush around in my golf cart,
trying to be quick as a speeding dart,
if the parked car is beyond its time,
I am in my glory and feel so fine,
sticking the ticket up front in view,
warning others as an important cue,
don't mess with Polly and City Hall,
remember to pay your fine or bawl,
crying in the city jail is not fun,
as I continue making my hit and run.
On the isle of Bora Bora
Ancient are the crafts that lie there.
White beaches beckon those who linger
and those who taste the salty air.
I met a girl there on that island.
Later she became my wife.
Now aged and wrinkled yet still a beauty
my companion for all my life.
Now our grand sons, four moreover
dig sand fleas on that lovely shore.
They play with them a while, then release,
only to hunt, and catch a few more.
My hotel keeps me surviving.
It does more than keep me afloat.
I have time for fun and relaxation
aboard my golf Cart, car or boat.
Three women friends, riding in a golf cart, an arboretum journey.
The sky was overcast, the mood jubilant, we were ready for fun.
A reverence and sacred silence met us as we entered the park.
There were ten different gardens, named, with plaques.
Daises and bleeding heart, stood proudly and primly.
This was a well-planned excursion to a magical place.
It did not disappoint – massive sculptures were plaqued and signed.
I took photos from my seat in the back, facing where we had gone,
Not where we were going. I had volunteered for this rumble seat.
One raindrop felt charming to me. I announced it.
We laughed about it, at the same time, on watch.
Lightning meant we would have to take the golf cart back.
One drop turned a rapid, unexpected rain storm.
There was no way to stay dry back here or up front.
The canopy designed for sun was no challenge for the water that pounded us.
Tell me if you are getting too wet, the driver said.
We laughed, announcing how wet we already were, not wanting to turn back,
Wanting to see everything.
We were getting soaked but it was worth it.
I have you near right here in my heart
I noticed the feeling from the start,
while that emotion is strong
another one is King Kong...
Not that! A partner for my golf cart!
Golfing Is Great When Done Indoors
How many ways would I have to count
To finally come up with a fair amount
That to tide me over would be enough
If things got tough and ended up in the rough.
Golf games are like a bear who is grizzly
When outside it starts to become drizzly
Guess what golfers and bless their heart
Start heading straight for their golf cart.
When golf game and weather are miserable
It would be more desirable and sensible
While playing, it more and more pours
You dazzle your fans by doing it indoors.
James Thomas Horn
Retired Veteran and Poet
RiverSea Plantation
Bolivia, NC
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