I hate how easily
my heart turns a moment
into a catastrophe.
How a silence becomes abandonment,
a small disagreement becomes goodbye,
and one unanswered message
becomes proof that I was never enough.
I wish I could feel less.
Not because I don’t want to love,
but because sometimes loving
feels like standing barefoot
in the middle of broken glass.
I get angry.
I get scared.
I say things I don’t mean
because I don’t know how to say
please don’t leave me.
And then I am alone with my thoughts,
turning every word against myself,
calling myself stupid
for having a heart
that refuses to be quiet.
But maybe I am not broken.
Maybe I am simply learning
that feeling deeply
doesn’t make me impossible to love.
Maybe I can be intense
and still be gentle.
Vulnerable
and still be strong.
Maybe someday
I will stop confusing
being afraid of losing someone
with already having lost them.
And tonight,
instead of punishing myself
for feeling too much,
I will let the feeling pass.
I will stay.
I will breathe.
And I will remind myself
that one difficult moment
does not get to decide
who I am.
Draw the water slow,
From the well of love and pain,
And drench me with life.
I sense something skulking in the woods
It is darker than dusk
I see nothing; the evening is silent
No rustling, no twig snap
I do not know how I know
But I know
I head for my house
Expecting to get pounced and eaten
I welcome Autumn with a fond embrace,
Feeling Autumn's breath upon my face.
From high upon my Smoky Mountain stand,
I pause to behold Autumn's artistic hand.
Mist lifts slowly from the valley floor below,
As if a curtain rising on a long awaited show.
A majestic painting unfolds before my awestruck eyes,
Highlighted by the golden rays of a bright sunrise.
An endless carpet of trees, wet with morning dew,
Blazes with candy-colored leaves of nearly every hue.
My mind fails to recall a more stirring sight,
As unbidden tears upon my cheeks alight.
The sweet smell of ripened apples, littered on the ground,
Mingles with the earthy scent of mushrooms that abound.
Life is sustained by the season's bountiful fare;
Wild berries, fruits and nuts grow carelessly everywhere.
To eat hand to mouth is my childish heart's desire,
So, Autumn is the season that I most admire.
I'm feeling pensive today
thinking about so many things
my mind is in a busy tizzy
People in need, yesterday, my sons,
my life, my stubborn cat, my schedule,
the world and it's occupants
There is no topic off the table today,
and sometimes, that's ok
my thoughts are my own
But in order to live life, I need to put aside
my strife and ping ponging thoughts
and do what I need to do
In the arms of a lover's dream
The sensual grace, up close to your smoothe face
Maybe to never to know the truth to my obsession
A home-boy,who loved his mother
Like a scene from some love story
I melt,I wonder, it gives me all the peace I need
I am in love, but it's like dry wrought in the brain
I am not making out in the back seat
Why does that feeling have to sing in my face
All the king's men and his women
Couldn't drag me away from
I live for that feeling
You give me
Please let me repay
One is the loneliest number?
Really?
One is comfort
One is safe
One is quiet
One is peace
Two is distraction,
disturbance,
interruption.
A running back
intercepting
ones own peace.
Three and more
becomes a crowd.
Nothing but noise
invading
all around.
Ripping my peace apart,
tearing my quiet in two.
To be surrounded
by two
or more
is something I
simply abhor.
A crowd is
NOT
what I adore.
So I turn,
I run,
to find where
I can be
just one.
This is not
fun.
I seek out
peace
just like
a nun.
Upon
peaceful
discovery,
it's as if
I have won.
So why is it
hun,
that here
in this place
I find a gun?
Becoming
someone
who is
becoming
undone.
Feeling the burn,
the heat,
the flames
of the sun.
I will NOT
have won
at being one
with my self.
Like an unwanted
toy story toy
put on a shelf;
feeling unjust
covered in dust
with no lust for life!
So,
outward
I search
for
pillars of strength.
Outside
my own
reflection
a sort of
friendship resurrection.
I have heard
that strength
in numbers
are the words
that are
NOT
absurd.
Is one really the
loneliest number?
Yeah…
if the feeling is mutual, it must be love
FEELING EMOTIONS
everyday
delights
in
frissoned
sublimity
of
infinite
space
immensity
surrounds
faculty
comprehends
enormity
void
of
experiences
stretched
extended
boundless
free
of fearlessness
the
commonplace
aesthetic
omniptence
in
perspective
A wise man unwritten letter
To his future self
A prickly feeling that keeps one on their feet
You notice the other but never yourself
You make time for the other
Stand on your feet and call out mistakes
A wild free feeling
Wanting for the wind
Can't grasp it
It's fleeting yet memorable
A whisper in the morning
A loud cry in the night
Exchanged letters and clothes
To become a memory no one should talk about
Cupcakes on Mondays
Sorbet on Thursdays
But you preferred Saturdays
Confessions said out loud
The heart not so sure
A wild free feeling
It's the magic they all talk about
To only turn devastating and tragic
Makes you wonder
It changes
Against two people
What becomes of it when a third arrives?
I haven't experienced it
But this is my definition
Comprehension is never taking seriously
Only the lucky ones
What is it actually?
It's quite haunting and daunting
If you ask me
I wanted to know what it was like
But I was scared my balloon will fly away
When I give it out
I am grateful wherever I have lived
how within me the feeling of home is strong…
It’s the place I love and I am loved…
It’s where I know that I belong.
Identified with form, we seek outcomes,
to enhance well-being of body-mind,
so in trance we notice not how bliss hums,
until we are still and divine aligned,
as light of Self in cave of heart enshrined.
Be this as it may, caught in a rip tide,
not many can say they enjoy that ride.
I can't stop this feeling—where did it go?
Can I be sick of the stuff going on?
An angry attitude keeps feeding my mind.
Words can be annoying to the soul.
This is an everyday indecent conversation.
My heart is beginning to just fade.
Should I just let it go,
Or should my feet walk the street?
The answer is minimal, but I need the max.
Let me just leave with happiness to be on my own.
Don't ask me how I'm feeling
Just wait another day
Moon and Mars are turning
They have much more to say
Don't leave me in the evening
Willing waiting for a sky like
A truth a tune a writing
That says more than goodbye
I'll tell you what I'm seeing
Doors from that past all closed
Like them and me and meeting
With why and when with those
I'll tell that there's sorrows
With the rain all clear to see
You and they are speaking
A weeping willow tree of me
I'll be here in the morning
And the truth be told with words
The thing that always missing
Is what I saw and felt and heard
Don't tell me that your caring
With a silence clear as day
All and all it's what I'm seeing
Is that we'll have much more to say
There's days and years all passing
Like you did that when I was gone
So I'll say it's a Happy's Ending
And just turn the tune's your song
Always answer always fail me
The hurts the hits the test
Just let me tell you quickly
Loving you was always best!
the smell of fresh grass
lingers at the tip of nose
warming my senses
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