The type of abuse that happens on the inside
The victims receive inner scars they can hide
This is an abuse that can be done over and over
From someone that's angry, drunk or even sober
Suspects can vary from a mother to a friend
An emotionally abused heart isnt easy to mend
Its actually very hard for the abused to notice
To please their abuser is all they have in focus
They're told by others to leave the relationship
The mix up of love and abuse keeps a tight grip
Victims make up their minds to make an escape
The abuser causes them guilt some kind of way
The abused want to believe that there is hope
They are being held captive by imaginary ropes
Telling themselves that things would get better
Suspects of emotional abuse are quite clever
They make you think its love when its control
One minute talking sweet and the next very cold
A relationship like this leaves you very confused
Take it from someone like me who's been abused
They told her,
"Words are just air".
But air can bruise,
and silence can tear.
She learned to bleed in quiet tones,
Each syllable a crack in bones.
They carved her name in crooked lies,
They laughed when truth leaked from her eyes.
Words were chains that held her tight,
sweet on tongues, but edged with bite.
They dressed their hate in honeyed rhyme,
And jailed her voice in scripted time.
But one day,
she picked the pen.
and wrote not for "them"—
Each verse she wrote broke through the bars,
A language made of wounds and stars.
Now every word she dares to speak,
Is thunder rolling through the weak.
~hira~
i can taste her on your lips.
the stain from her lipstick is
infused to the fibers on your
white work shirt.
I'm guessing the color is cherry red.
the scent of her perfume
weakens my stomach,
knots my heart,
takes every hope i had
of our future and turns it into mud,
blood boiling like shower water
you washed with to scrub her touch off your body
but could never get clean enough to
lay in bed next to me.
early morning, your gone.
you say its business
but you are just putting your business in her.
you say its nothing.
men have needs.
what about my needs?
exactly nine months pass, and you have a child,
not born from my organs
but from her.
struggling to put this past me
like i did with our first unborn child,
i have no reason to stay.
i have no belief in saving our marriage.
but still, i stay.
i am lost without you.
i am lost without the person
who shattered my heart into a
million tiny pieces.
i am lost without the person who
sold me tornado lies.
i lost myself to the person who
crushed my soul one thousand times
and without a doubt will go it again.
that person is my husband.
It’s a long slow trip into misery
It starts by putting that bad feeling aside
By narrowing your expectations
And removing all of your pride
And as you make you humble
You actually cripple as well
You reach so far to have someone else
That it actually puts you in hell
It’s a long slow trip into misery
From which I must return
And in order to do this
I must internalize the lessons learned
To believe in me
To set me free
To walk into the light
And possibly disappear from sight
Ascent from Misery – 2001 (C) Susan Manley (on my divorce)
LONELINESS…..
DID YOU FOLLOW ME HERE… OR WERE YOU SO DEEP WITHIN ME THAT I COULD NEVER TRULY BE FREE OF YOU, NEVER KNOW LIFE WITHOUT YOU.
I MOVED. A NEW START. YET, I FEEL YOU. EMPTINESS. A NEW LIFE, NEW THINGS TO FILL THE VOID. IT NEVER WORKS. YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE, HAUNTING ME….A SMALLER PLACE TO SURROUND MY THOUGHTS. A NEW PLAN TO RID MYSELF OF YOU AND THE VACANT FEELINGS THAT DWELL WITHIN ME. MY MIND SEEKS THAT PEACE THAT IS SO ELUSIVE, THE TRANQUILITY. IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT. LONESOME, LONELY. NO ONE KNOWS MY PAIN. YOU NEVER GO AWAY. WHEN DID YOU CONSUME ME.
THE ACHING. THE SADNESS. LOOKING OUT WINDOWS…STARING. WONDERING…. WAS IT ALWAYS THIS WAY? WERE YOU ALWAYS HERE WITHIN ME. I PRETEND ALL IS WELL. I LIVE MY LIFE IN THIS NEVER ENDING VOID WITH YOU. I AM THE PRETENDER. NO ONE KNOWS.
tjsilba/Collections of life 2022
when will the misery dissapear,
why cant i just block the terrors out?
my life will never be clear,
my words are never heard even if i shout,
the pain of a thousand spears,
i've drifted from the correct route,
subdue the tears,
i've lost what my life's about,
i've been walking this path for so long,
i'm losing touch with me,
how could a life go so wrong,
i wish upon a wishing tree,
but i must stay strong,
till my soul is set free,
when did it all fade,
why was i unaware,
a mind to invade,
there's none i can spare,
all the dreams i made,
have vanished into thin air,
trust must have a concept,
one i will never visualize,
a secret meant to be kept,
why havent i realized,
those terrors never slept,
hiding behind a disguise,
oh the tears i've wept,
and all the abandoned tries,
my heart wonders why,
time will never stop,
why the fox is always sly,
in dispair to my knees i drop,
so many tears left to cry,
why am i just a prop,
sheltered from the blue sky,
trapped in a cycle that will never stop,
The silent treatment
Stunned silence,
After that first sweet kiss,
Blissful silence,
Cuddled by love's soft fire,
Angry silence,
Something is amiss,
Endless silence,
Does he not tire?
Screaming in silence,
Breath choked to a hiss,
Shocked silence,
At the funeral pyre.
Gaslighting
Your words are etched deep into my skin,
They must have hurt, these scars,
But you told me they were beautiful,
And I believed you.
Your accusations have ripped my flesh in,
My brain and heart, are stored in your jars,
But you said I was safe and beautiful,
And I believed you.
I am bones in a cage in a rusty bin,
I have forgotten my dreams, and the stars,
You said they were never beautiful,
And I believed you.
I am dust, in air spread too thin,
I float through the gaps in the bars,
I feel the warmth of a spark within,
The glimmer of hope from afar,
The shimmer of lights that begin
To glow, burn, blaze, char,
You towered over me, so beautiful,
I was so ugly and useless, you see,
But I somehow held onto the choice
To believe not in you, but in me.
Within the confines of the prison
Lies an abandoned soul
He’s looking through the shattered prism
For emotions to take hold
He’s searching for the pain and pleasure
To acquire a human form
Within the exploration
Begins the evil storm
Security is distant
And melancholy strikes
The victim is resistant
And hides his saddened eyes
The sense of self is broken
The roles are undefined
A place of isolation
In a lost and cluttered mind
Intolerable injustice
Insufferable grief
Unbearable confusion
In answers that he seeks
Reclaiming the connection
Is his essential feat
He must untangle cobwebs
That frame over his deceit
Obstructions are arising
And trust is growing dim
There gathers disappointment
The outlook being grim
His only expectation
Must come from unity
And gathered from a viewpoint
Of sensibility
Oh, rise up our hero
And care for your own self
You’ll come out of destruction
And cease this torturous hell….
If you draw your child away from normal play, activities and behaviour
By forcing them to lie about their true desires,
Then where’s the love?
Tears, Tears
Everywhere!
Pain, Pain
In her stomach!
He makes her
Cry,
Every night..
But he won't
Lay a finger on her.
She's not happy
anymore!
She has to act
As though she wants
To be there.
Her mom tries to see
The hurt in her eyes.
But she hides it very
Well.
She love him as she
Says.
But she can't take
The emotional abuse.
She can't take the
Pain he causes her.
The pain he causes her
With his words.
His words, a piercing
Knife.
Her heart, the center
Of his aim.
But she can't go.
He'll kill himself...
Some how, you say that I'm the one to blame,
I deserved for you to treat me the way you did.
It was always my attitude that set you off.
Even though I was just a kid.
I'd cry myself to sleep at night,
Wishing, for all the pain to fade.
Knowing I could end it all,
Just one quick slice of the razor blade.
I slept with it beside me,
Disgusted by its sight.
And every day I'd wonder,
If I'd ever be alright.
You made me feel so worthless.
I always felt alone.
No one understood me,
Especially at home.
I never really wanted to death.
I just wanted to get away.
And I thank god, I never had the guts,
Each and every day.
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