A coma’s just a comma lacking one ‘m’
'~ til it travels right up your brain stem
I went to the docs for a blood test; routine
That morning I’d been on the weighing machine
So I knew my weight and my height… give or take
(And, okay, I don’t look a lot like a rake)
He asked me my height and he asked me my weight
Which I may not have known on an earlier date
I said, “Five-eleven and fifteen stone-ish,”
Then thought I’d impress him… “I eat lots of fish.”
But he shook his head with a quiet, “Tutt tutt”
As I sat and stared at the size of his gut
He told me that I ought to lose excess weight
I just had to say, “Are you serious, Mate?”
I think that upset him, for that’s when he said,
“Male, sixty-five? Hop up on the bed…”
Through dry lips I muttered, “O, heavens above.”
He said, “This won’t hurt,” and he slipped on a glove…
His miser boss
Went out for a toss
When the MD knocked his door.
He plummeted down
To save his crown
When his senior asked for more.
His hair had grown
on his chest
On his back as well down south.
Where nested in peace
There hung two bees
His tongue got stuck in his mouth.
The doc came up
Once or twice
To run his regular tests.
His BP down,
His wife in town
He lost his killer jests.
He crossed himself
and prayed to God
His taste for wine was lost.
The honey bees
made merry cheer,
His company bore his cost.
Then one fine day
they stopped his pay,
No wife no son no home.
He saw a man
without a shawl,
All hurled and curled in snow.
With nothing to lose,
the bees long gone.
He poured his drink once more.
The only coat,
he gave in zest
To the man and settled his score.
I used to jump from aeroplanes
Naked
With nothing
But a parachute
A prayer
And a pair of Doc Marten boots
I've landed in some strange places
Once in a chair
Once or twice in the mud
A Woman once
I said will you?
She said no!
But she meant yes
I guess?
One time I fell through a roof
And landed in someone's bed!
The husband wasn't very pleased
I can't repeat what he said
But I learned a few new words
Once I fell into a hole
Then I realised someone had died
I couldn't wait to get out
As shouted'',Help!!!!''.
I fell in a well
Well that's another story
To tell
I even landed in a stolen car
But I didn't get far
I once dropped into a giant cooking pot ouch!!
Boy, it was hot!
One time in a church
The Vicar said ''Do you''?
I said I do
Two sugars no milk, please
I was awarded a medal, with a pin
But it gave me an infection
And ended up in a hospital bed
Got really ill and had to stay in
I had to stop parachuting
But I still have my Doc Marten boots
Don't dare tell you where I hanged them from
Ahh, life's full of surprises
I think, I'll buy a Army tank
See where that gets me.
Yes, I'm your huckleberry,
but I do not like you because
you are too much like me; having
a big hole in your heart.
Like me, you are mad with the
world for having ever been born.
But unlike me, you don't have a
friend. Realistically, you are alone.
I used to pull teeth as a dentist.
I later became very good with a gun
and assisted a friend in putting down
the most vicious gang in the West.
An acquaintance once said to me, "Oh,
I have lots of friends". My reply to him
was simply, "I don't". That's right. Some
may be blessed with many friends.
Nevertheless, I have only one true friend.
As a friend, I stood by him until the end.
As a friend, he was with me as I lay dying.
'A friend in need is a friend in deed'.
031224PS
The visiting doctor, the pediatrician,
the family man - came and played
He played on our Hammond organ,
sat on the storage bench, opened
one of the books. Those compassionate fingers
ran across the keys and leapt into our memories.
My sister was home sick, and he came
and he cared for her and pleasurable
was his visit, as my mom would recall for us.
there once was a man of great ambition
who pretended to be a physician
his intent lascivious
she was not oblivious
he’s serving 20 to life in prison
Poor old Doc Quackenbush is gone,
How he happened to fall down that well is unknown.
When they found him he was dead,
His obituary read,
"He should have tended to the sick and left the well alone."
document of truth has cut off all ties ~ gone to bunny boil his lies
By David Kavanagh
Levity, leveret
Too phony, coney
Bucks for the buck
And dough to see doe
Hare-brained, hilarious
Rabbit died laughing
That’s funny, bunny
The kittens will grow
You don’t know jack, rabbit
We’re in high cotton
Hightail it out of here
Peter, you know
Toss in the pepper
You got hassenpfeffer
Throw in a carrot
That’s Bugs’ old show
I know a young lady, her name is Lynn
Whenever I see her, she makes my heart grin
They call her a doctor, but to me she's a friend
Whatever my ailment she knows how to mend
With every new visit, my symptoms take flight
She knows how to soothe me, to remedy my plight
After all these decades, finally found a new doc
Who makes me feel comfortable wearing just socks
I'll gladly recommend her to everyone I know
My resistance to doctors I sure did outgrow
So next time I'm fevered or feeling some pain
Even though quite minor like a bump or a sprain
I'll make an appointment and really toute suite
Visiting Doctor Lynn is surely a treat
She'll fix me up quickly, she'll fix me up fine
Three cheers for Doctor Lynn, this new doc of mine
On the internet I am a rookie,
But the web site said they would book me
A tele-health call
And my Doc's on the ball
But I had a mouthful of cookie!
A old doctor hailed from backwoods Kentucky
We all went to Doc Jim when we felt yucky
He gave us some pills,
That cured up our ills
Weren't we country folk exceedingly lucky?
November 8, 2021
How did I get so old so soon?
I was but a kid this afternoon,
My sun just set before it rose--
A travesty of nature, I suppose!
My goodness, the time just flew away
It was right here, destined for today,
My tomorrow came it seems too soon--
How did my night fall right before noon?
~ A Brian Strand 4 to 14 lines contest.
Since moving to this berg we have a new doc
Her name is sweet Kimberly, fresh out of the box
Brand spanking new
Love spanking, don't you
Whenever she examines, I never watch the clock
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