MANHOOD V WOMANHOOD
I use my favourite chat-up line as I join her at the bar,
”What’s a girl like you doing without a man like me?”
She raises her eyes disdainfully, “That’s the worst I’ve heard by far.”
And when I think about it, I really have to agree.
Next, she questions my manhood. I tell her, “My eyes are up here.”
“I see your eyes,” she counters. But where do you keep your brain?”
By now the alarm bells are ringing; She’s outwitting me I fear.
So I’ll think of another chat-up line and come back in again
ER … HELLO
Hello
How do you do
Do you come here often
I come nearly every day
You know
Sorry
You are quite right
To look at me aghast
That was a corny chat-up line
I used
You see
I get tongue-tied
When I meet someone new
Who is as beautiful as you
And then ..
Oh dear
I’ve dug a hole
And I can’t seem to stop
It’s getting deeper all the time
I’ll go
What’s that
Don’t go you say
You liked my chat-up line
You think we might get on quite well
Oh wow
15th April 2023
Traditional Cinquain Poetry contest
Sponsor - Sotto Poet
About Venetian charms I heard a lot -
City on the water, how cool, I thought.
I hoped I would explore that unique place
And chat up the gondolier, face-to-face.
The one, who holds the most amorous job
(No wonder, he could pass for a heartthrob),
Rowing for couples in love does impart
On his demeanour if not on his heart.
In middle age crisis I finally did!
Travelled to Venice, dreamt of as a kid -
Not as a girlfriend, or lover, or bride -
A wife who wished for a gondola ride.
My hubby, my old shoe, who tagged along,
Hummed sweetly to « Besame Mucho » song;
It felt we were on a perfect first date,
Visiting Venice is never too late.
Sweet memories, perhaps not quite discreet,
Enthroned forever on our toilet seat.
March 5, 2022
Sponsor: L Milton Hankins
Contest: My Dream Vacation
A visit to Lidl, can seem like a riddle
But I like to browse through the aisles in the middle
Where you may find farmyards and little toy zoos
Right next to pair of size 5 ladies shoes
The range in the middle seems muddled and weird
The padlocks sit next to a small plastic beard
But I’ve just discovered the madness had spread
The grocery aisles have messed with my head
If you have gone there to chat up female singles
You will not impress with their own branded Pringles
Their fresh eggs are packaged like nothing I’ve seen
Who buys their eggs in a pack of fifteen
It does make some sense to have band-aids for bunions
But what is the purpose of onion-less onions
Level
Four minutes to do what you want
What ya gonna do?
Listen to a pop song
Get half a ********
Smoke a cigarette
Drive round the block
Read two pages of a book
Do fifty press-ups
Recite a poem or two
Watch most of Tom and Jerry
Fly a fuelled up Meserschmitt 163
Queue for a news paper
Chat up your friend’s wife
Have a short nap
Take a few photos on your phone
Say Hi to a stranger
Check your emails
Get bitten by a venomous snake
Write a letter to your mum
Take the dog a walk
Do some mediation to prepare
Or do what in four short minutes
There’s so much you can do
When the nuclear attack warning sounds
And you have just four minutes to live
Before you’re horribly killed
By the fecking bomb...
from Side of the Hill – Varied Poems... Nick Armbrister
Guess my reputation could be sweeter, but hey-
At least I'm not a skunk!
Backbiting scrounger you say?
I like to call it being environmentally friendly;
No waste when I'm around, I can assure you!
I'm not the coolest looking dude in the bush;
hunchbacked, slitty-eyed and spotty
But those alpha females go crazy for my shaggy back.
And what I lack in charm, I make up for in speed and wit.
You should hear the pack cackle at my jokes!
And my chat-up line works a treat:
'Hey darling, I've got a bone to pick with you!'
Survival in sub-Saharan Africa is no laughing matter
But we all have to let our hair down sometimes!
15.07.19
Pick A Title, Vol 6 - Personification - Poetry Contest : sponsored by Edward Ibeh
APPASSIONATO
He made overtures to her,
With the time-honoured chat-up line,
“We could make sweet music together;
I want to make you mine.”
She conducted herself quite cautiously;
Remained composed and calm.
A duet might be pleasant;
And he certainly had charm.
But she didn’t want to rush things,
The tempo should be slow.
He wished to proceed allegro,
She favoured adagio.
She played second oboe,
While he was a double bass.
They came from different cultures,
A thing she found hard to embrace.
And so she resisted his overtures,
They really weren’t well-matched.
She had an affaire with a flautist instead;
A thing with no strings attached.
2nd July 2019
Music Theme Contest
Sponsor - Geraldine Taylor
I’m so much in love with a lass from above
It leaves such a knot in my gut
For it’s hard to kiss one’s favourite miss
When her tongue dangles out of her butt
Her eyes grow on stalks, which sway when she walks
And I really like licking her skin
I get naughty thoughts when I’m sucking her warts
For her sweat is effectively gin
Her big bulbous nose and her seventeen toes
All sprout from her one massive foot
And her head is quite bare save for one curly hair
While her teeth are the colour of soot
I know that her face is all over the place
With a most private place for an ear
But I can’t resist those moments of bliss
When she whispers my name from her rear
It might seem absurd but haven’t you heard
That there are no men up on Mars
So they come to Earth when they want to give birth
And chat up the men in our bars
But she can’t conceive with our human creed
So Martian girls self propagate
They just use us lot to get themselves hot
For there is no compatible mate
But now I’ve been shown her erogenous zone
You won’t find me getting all glum
There’s one naughty place on the side of her face
You should see what she has for a thumb.
Hello Darling
Fancy a Date
This is your lucky day
I am available
What do you say
Me and You
Can I buy your drink's
Till your drunk enough to say Yes
Come on
Please
That's the best i have got
Surely you can drink me Pretty
I don't mind ill accept Pity
I am very very sad
And terminally bad
At chatting up girl's
With glasses and curls
But you are a Pearl
WARNING: The following poem is a figment of the author's imagination and deals with fictional characters.....FAITHFUL MEN! ;)
(THIS IS FOR FUN, MEN, SO DON'T GO AND GET ALL HUFFY AND PUFFY ON ME!)
Fickle, fickle…men are fickle
Get the women in a pickle
Sweet talk, sweet talk…how they tickle
Treat a treasure like a nickle
Chat up, chat up, and then lie
Sugared bites of ego pie
Flirty, flirty….brew a storm
Dissipate just like the norm
Riding, riding on her wave
Naughty, naughty to the grave
Feel up, feel up where he can
Make her think that he's a….MAN
Swagger, swagger, what a sight!
Thinks he carries...."dynamite" ;)
Tries to see how far he'll get
Up to third base is his bet
Fickle fickle, fizzle….POP
Mess with me, I’ll make it drop!
Eileen Manassian Ghali
A repost. My Muse is still on holiday in Greece. Can't write for the life of me....but I miss community. So...here it goes...
Let me tell you about my Uncle Berty
His chat up lines are far from flirty
He has sparkling blue eyes and a wicked wit
But his chat up lines make him look a right twit
Where have you been all of my life?
I think you are stunning will you be my wife?
I don’t have any money…. how about you?
I’m short of cash .. lend me a dollar or two
Let me take you on a smashing date
We are meant for each other its all down to fate
How about McDonald’s for a Big Mac
When I take you home we’ll hit the sack
Your teeth are like stars they come out at night
Shall I cook you breakfast, it will be my delight
For some unknown reason his lines did not work
Try again Uncle Berty you look a right jerk
Contest:- Flirt Casarah Nance
07~14~15
Question
I seemed to have lost my phone number, can I have yours.
Answer
Have you looked under J for Jerk
Penned
30.4.2015
Sanguine
Fine wine
Blind date
She's late
Bread sticks
He licks
Tick tock
Of clock
Waitress
Cute dress
High heels
He reels
Chat up
He's cut
Hope dies
He sighs
Had fill
Pays bill
Went out
Heard shout
"No tip?
Tight git!"
MINNOWS
this World is a stage
minnows chat up play die out
Curtain falls, a net
Your cute
Pursuit
Nice tush
I blush
Want date?
No mate
Show ring …
Wedding
You sure
Show door!
Jan Allison
24th August 2014
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