Best Chat Up Poems
WARNING: The following poem is a figment of the author's imagination and deals with fictional characters.....MEN! ;) (THIS IS FOR FUN, MEN, SO DON'T GO AND GET ALL HUFFY AND PUFFY ON ME!)
Fickle fickle…men are fickle
Get the women in a pickle
Sweet talk sweet talk…how they tickle
Treat a treasure like a nickle
Chat up chat up and then lie
Sugared bites of ego pie
Flirty flirty….brew a storm
Dissipate then like the norm
Riding riding on her wave
Naughty naughty to the grave
Feel up feel up where he can
Make her think that he's a….MAN
Swagger swagger, what a sight!
Thinking he's got dynamite
Tries to see how far he'll get
Up to third base is his bet
Fickle fickle, fizzle….pop
Mess with me, I’ll make you drop!
Eileen Manassian Ghali
Never was good at humor! This is as good as it gets with me!
Question
I seemed to have lost my phone number, can I have yours.
Answer
Have you looked under J for Jerk
Penned
30.4.2015
Jan and Darren once met up in a local bar
Darren hoped his chat up lines would get him very far
Jan was not impressed and wouldn’t give him her address
His chat-up lines are dreadful I really must confess
Darren refuses to heed the warning
Would you like toast for breakfast in the morning
Honestly Jan things are not as bad as they seem
You've seen me before, I'm the man of your dreams.
Oh I know Darren and you’re so good looking
A devil in the bedroom and you also love cooking
But I prefer to have my eggs unfertilised
Don’t look at me like that with your big brown eyes
I can see myself in your beautiful green eyes
I do horoscopes, Aha you found that a surprise
What the stars are telling me there is no disguising
When you sit on my lap, That's not Jupiter rising
Oh be careful Mr Watston! Will you behave!
If I sit on your lap I'll be in an early grave
You've always known I'm happily married
But in your dreams your thoughts can be carried
You forget I know your husband Bob
He's taking me to the TT if I do a good job
I'm to flirt and joke and laugh and tease
Until you beg for mercy and say pretty please
Oh Darren Watson you’re a terrible flirt
You eye up anyone in a mini skirt
And as for tightly fitted jeans
These things I guess you see in your dreams
I admit I've got a roving eye
I know you're into swinging so thought I'd try
Yes I know Bob will love you forever
But he promised us guys must stick together.
Your chat up lines are wearing thin
I’m not really after a night of sin
We truly are the best of friends
I hope our collaboration never ends
Ending our collaboration never entered my head
In the poems we write I can get you in bed
You are beautiful, sassy and have a great sense of fun
With wonderful legs and a fabulous bum.
20th May 2014
Written by Jan Allison & Darren Watson
PICKLE PARTY
The pickles were having a party
In the superstore one night.
The manager was home in bed
So they knew they were all right.
It was a singles party,
Each looking for a mate.
Someone to share a jar with
Until their sell-by date.
One lady pickled pepper
Immediately clicked.
She was the pickled pepper
Peter Piper picked
A young girl in the corner
Was acting very silly
Under the influence of drink.
They called her ‘Pickled Lilli”
But the drunkest one among them
Was a pickled gherkin.
He’d been at the bar all evening.
He must have drunk a firkin.
He had a well-used chat-up line,
But whatever it was he said,
It must have been a bit saucy
For the beetroot turned bright red.
An old pickle said to the DJ,
“Please turn the music down”
He was a pickled walnut,
Ancient, wrinkled and brown
A very sweet pickle called Olive
And an onion got on very well.
But although they felt an attraction,
It was doomed to fail, sad to tell
They say that opposites attract
But you have to draw the line.
She had been pickled in vinegar
And he had been pickled in brine.
Then all too soon it was over.
The party had come and gone.
They had to go home to their shelves.
The day shift was signing on.
24th August 2022
It's a Pickle Party poetry contest
Sponsor - Mystic Rose Rose
APPASSIONATO
He made overtures to her,
With the time-honoured chat-up line,
“We could make sweet music together;
I want to make you mine.”
She conducted herself quite cautiously;
Remained composed and calm.
A duet might be pleasant;
And he certainly had charm.
But she didn’t want to rush things,
The tempo should be slow.
He wished to proceed allegro,
She favoured adagio.
She played second oboe,
While he was a double bass.
They came from different cultures,
A thing she found hard to embrace.
And so she resisted his overtures,
They really weren’t well-matched.
She had an affaire with a flautist instead;
A thing with no strings attached.
2nd July 2019
Music Theme Contest
Sponsor - Geraldine Taylor
WARNING: The following poem is a figment of the author's imagination and deals with fictional characters.....FAITHFUL MEN! ;)
(THIS IS FOR FUN, MEN, SO DON'T GO AND GET ALL HUFFY AND PUFFY ON ME!)
Fickle, fickle…men are fickle
Get the women in a pickle
Sweet talk, sweet talk…how they tickle
Treat a treasure like a nickle
Chat up, chat up, and then lie
Sugared bites of ego pie
Flirty, flirty….brew a storm
Dissipate just like the norm
Riding, riding on her wave
Naughty, naughty to the grave
Feel up, feel up where he can
Make her think that he's a….MAN
Swagger, swagger, what a sight!
Thinks he carries...."dynamite" ;)
Tries to see how far he'll get
Up to third base is his bet
Fickle fickle, fizzle….POP
Mess with me, I’ll make it drop!
Eileen Manassian Ghali
A repost. My Muse is still on holiday in Greece. Can't write for the life of me....but I miss community. So...here it goes...
WARNING: The following poem is a figment of the author's imagination and deals with fictional characters.....WOMEN! ;) (THIS IS FOR FUN, GIRLS, SO DON'T GO AND GET ALL HUFFY AND PUFFY ON ME!)
Fickle Fickle - For Every Man in a Pickle
Fickle fickle…. Broads are fickle
Get a man into a pickle
Sweet talk sweet talk…. Yes they tickle
Treat us lower than a nickle
Chat up chat up does belie
Gives us bites of ego pie
Flirty flirty… grows the storm
Disappears like the norm
Riding riding is her wave
Naughty naughty to her grave
Touch up touch up where she can
Making sure that he’s a man
Swish and sway, what a sight
Thinking she is dynamite
Tries to see how far he’ll go
Gets to third base, she says no
Fickle fickle, fizzle…. Strop
Mess with me, I’ll make you stop.
In Response to Auntie Eileen Ghali
For her Fickle Fickle poem
My friends have every sympathy
For the lack of romance in my life
but promise everything will be fine
All I have to do if I want to find a wife
is use their favourite chat up lines .
Are you a parking ticket '' cos '' fine is written all over you
Seemed a little corny to me
How do you like your eggs in the morning
gave me a warning
Those chat up lines are not all they should be .
Do you have a map '' cos '' I am lost in your eyes
Almost made me giggle till I cried
If you were a burger you'd be a Mcgorgeous
was said the day that romance died .
I'm gonna have my teeth pulled to make more room for your tongue
Or kiss me so I know what an angel kisses like
Do you believe in execution ''cos '' I'm really well hung
Would have me riding home on my bike .
So I thanked my mates for their best wishes
and their girlfriends smothered me in kisses
as I said I was putting those ideas on the shelf
I'll have more success with the misses
and perhaps get lots more kisses
If I am prepared to be myself.
I’m a man I’m a man
I once was Jan but now I’m Stan*
I strut around posing and drink some beer
Use the gent’s toilets, now that sure feels *****
I must stand up now when I use the loo
‘Shake hands with shorty’ now that’s quite a coup
I don’t shave my legs, it’s now my chin
Got a beer gut now when once I was thin
When I go to work I wear a suit not a dress
Am not really bothered if my hair is a mess
Causal jeans show my ‘builders bum’
When I turn round you see my overhanging tum
I go out with my mates on a Friday night
Dance like a muppet – that’s quite a sight
Age old chat up lines – what a bore
Eye up the ladies oh I want to score
I truly can't envisage what its like to be male
I hope you enjoyed my tongue in cheek tale!
Jan Allison
5th May 2014
*reference to Stan comes from my poem written with Darren Watson called 'Our first meeting in the Isle of Man'
I saw Richard had placed 6th in the recent 'women only contest' so thought I would chance it too with this poem that was written for Gender Bender Contest sponsored by Richard Lamoureaux ~ Awarded 5th Place by Richard~ ~awarded 6th place by Kelly Deschler in the 'men only contest '... thank you for being a good sport Kelly!
What? One day to live what shall I do?
Should I bungee jump or play the didgeridoo?
Go to the pub and run up a tab?
Maybe see every street from the back of a cab?
I know I will jump on a flight heading to Spain,
From the back of the plane, shout “Revenge for killing my brother Saddam Hussein”
Or, go into a shop and take a bite out of every chocolate bar,
Yes and take a baseball bat and bash my neighbour’s car
Or set my dog on my boss and tell him he has rabies
Chat up as many women and make lots of babies (worth a try in one day)
And when time is about to run out I’ll bend over
And kiss goodbye my grass and favourite clover
But the only thing that I can think at this moment that is not mine
That is, all this thinking what to do, I’ve run out of time
So with my last breath all I can say
I think I’ll leave you and go to pray.
**If I only had 1 day to live Poetry Contest **
Let me tell you about my Uncle Berty
His chat up lines are far from flirty
He has sparkling blue eyes and a wicked wit
But his chat up lines make him look a right twit
Where have you been all of my life?
I think you are stunning will you be my wife?
I don’t have any money…. how about you?
I’m short of cash .. lend me a dollar or two
Let me take you on a smashing date
We are meant for each other its all down to fate
How about McDonald’s for a Big Mac
When I take you home we’ll hit the sack
Your teeth are like stars they come out at night
Shall I cook you breakfast, it will be my delight
For some unknown reason his lines did not work
Try again Uncle Berty you look a right jerk
Contest:- Flirt Casarah Nance
07~14~15
About Venetian charms I heard a lot -
City on the water, how cool, I thought.
I hoped I would explore that unique place
And chat up the gondolier, face-to-face.
The one, who holds the most amorous job
(No wonder, he could pass for a heartthrob),
Rowing for couples in love does impart
On his demeanour if not on his heart.
In middle age crisis I finally did!
Travelled to Venice, dreamt of as a kid -
Not as a girlfriend, or lover, or bride -
A wife who wished for a gondola ride.
My hubby, my old shoe, who tagged along,
Hummed sweetly to « Besame Mucho » song;
It felt we were on a perfect first date,
Visiting Venice is never too late.
Sweet memories, perhaps not quite discreet,
Enthroned forever on our toilet seat.
March 5, 2022
Sponsor: L Milton Hankins
Contest: My Dream Vacation
Once upon a time…
Waking up at four, the princesses dress, then adorn their crowns with fascinators. Princess Marie of Dutchess County courts her majesty,
with a lovely rose steep.
we bless our mother
she’s giddy with royalty
dad keeps his head down
Princess Suzanne and Princess Lynn chat up the queen mother.
Heavenly scent of tea. All eyes suddenly on Harry, with tears.
And the mother of the bride - sweet with pride.
Harry and Meghan —
the fairy tale begins now
with all its trials
Simplicity’s dress of true satin white, worn by Meghan Markle
of Canoga Park. Today dawns a royal flush, honey-pink.
Cultural shock for all in St. George’s Chapel.
preacher full throttle...
we believe he’s lost his brakes
...father’s banishment
The romantic amalgamation wins with stiff upper lips
and spirit’s preaching. Sans smelling salts for the queen —
a new age. Breaths relieved as the preacher ends his preach.
rolling eyes stop spin...
hand held fans push away air
...clearing all the heat
No runaway bride as young boys hold the train. The jet setters
off on their honeymoon, ready to take up the world’s stage, in love.
A diamond star sparkles in the night sky — the smiling,
Princess Diana of Wales.
And the queen mother whose called us to court
admires her grandmother’s tea cup set,
richly polished, overflowing with life.
familial tea —
our tribe shares with human race
united as one
...and they all live happily ever after
says the score of surreal fairy tales
6/3/2018
Alexis Y’s Fairy Tale Contest
Guess my reputation could be sweeter, but hey-
At least I'm not a skunk!
Backbiting scrounger you say?
I like to call it being environmentally friendly;
No waste when I'm around, I can assure you!
I'm not the coolest looking dude in the bush;
hunchbacked, slitty-eyed and spotty
But those alpha females go crazy for my shaggy back.
And what I lack in charm, I make up for in speed and wit.
You should hear the pack cackle at my jokes!
And my chat-up line works a treat:
'Hey darling, I've got a bone to pick with you!'
Survival in sub-Saharan Africa is no laughing matter
But we all have to let our hair down sometimes!
15.07.19
Pick A Title, Vol 6 - Personification - Poetry Contest : sponsored by Edward Ibeh
I’m a ladies man
Do what I can
To attract these girls to me
When I’m dancing on the floor
They flock around to see
Yeah’ Yeah’ Yeah’ Yeah’
I’m in ecstasy
My moves so hot
I tango, trot
Come have a dance with me
They gather around
As I boogie down
Shanking and doing my thing
And when it’s time for my chat up line
I move in swift and sweet
Yeah’ Yeah’ Yeah’ Yeah’
I’m in ecstasy
My moves so hot
To this hip hop
Come have a dance with me
These slow songs playing
As, I start swaying
We smooch and I softly say
Can I take you home tonight
And she's just blown away
Yeah’ Yeah’ Yeah’ Yeah’
I’m in ecstasy
My moves so hot
The waltz I got
Come have a dance with me
This girls’ so hot
The rhythm she's got
She’s dancing in ecstasy
I join in grooving, keeping her moving
To the beat and sweet melody
Yeah’ Yeah’ Yeah’ Yeah’
I’m in ecstasy
My moves so hot
My lambada tops
Come have a dance with me
Copyright © 24th February 2014
K.C.Leake
All Rights Reserved