When Kublai got a poo poo butt he would go and hide
the silly dog with his mess seem embarrassed and shy
But Genghis with his hind mess was eager for me to spy
he would trot in searching for me his eagerness beware
Wanted me to pick him up and tend to his dirty rear.
Off we go to clean him good and happy he would be
to have a clean behind made him playful indeed.
But Kublai would be missed after a little while
I would have to search and find my shy little pal.
His eyes were sad and his face long and droopy
we both knew he had a mess the little poopy
So I cleaned him up and trim there
for the old boy had quick growing hair
Than I would pick him up to hold
as he would lick my face being thankful so.
Sassy has short hair so that problem does not exist
but like Kublai the older she is the longer her hair gets
Having dogs is like having a little child
messy situations pop up but you never throw in the towel
Sometimes you want to cry but more often you laugh and smile.
Bill prodded his sebaceous cyst
‘Twas massive the size of his fist
It spurted green pus
His wife made a fuss
“Get treatment NOW, I must insist”
Blue lighted to the A & E
Huge spurting cyst medics could see
Bill’s livid butt boil
Made doctor’s recoil
Needs lancing now, they all agree
They bundle Bill onto a table
“Don’t sedate him” said his wife Mable
I will succinctly put
He’s a pain in the butt
I’m leaving him when I am able
The medics gave Bill’s boil a prick
Green gunky pus splurts, it’s so thick
Poor Mable was heaving
She said, “Bill I’m leaving
Because you’re an ignorant dick”
“You wouldn’t seek treatment for years
Your constant moans left me in tears
I’ll file for divorce
I’m leaving of course
I’m going to live in Algiers”!
Bills visage turned ever so pale
His final breath he did exhale
The cad passed away
There’s no more to say
I’ve finished the end of this tale!
You spend a lifetime getting your head together.
When you do then your butt falls apart!
He’s got a rutabaga butt, a rutabaga butt.
My cousin has certainly got a rutabaga butt!
Jerry was singing this loudly and proudly, like a clown.
We could hear it coming, going and upside down.
I felt sorry for his cousin though we had never met.
You might hurt his feelings I told Jerry; better stop it.
He kept singing, "he’s got a rutabaga butt, and a giant gut!
My cousin Jed has the world’s larges rutabaga butt."
Horrified now, I insisted on meeting Jerry’s cousin Jed.
He is a rotund guy with diverse coloring and a tiny head.
His body is made of a rutabaga, so the sound now makes sense.
I have not been able to stop singing this silly song ever since.
I fancied a look in the mirror
My horror could not have been clearer
Where once was my butt
Sits, I don’t know what
I dare not now stand any nearer
There’’re so many new lines and creases
Dismay at this sight never ceases
Yet, it’s what I see
This butt is on me
At least there are still just two pieces!
In pursuit of curves, some choose the lift,
A quest for beauty, a transformative shift.
But amidst the surgeries, a deeper tale,
A journey where self-love might set sail.
No judgment for choices, the paths we take,
Yet ponder the reasons, the risks we undertake.
Society's pressures, perceptions we bear,
A world where self-worth is laid bare.
South African souls, playing a role,
In the pursuit of beauty, losing their goal.
Attachments for love, a side hustle unfolds,
Prostitutes and marriages, tales to be told.
Relationships falter, lost in the void,
A nation sickened, values destroyed.
In African hair, judgment is cast,
Weaves worn proudly, but shadows are cast.
Obsessed with material, souls for sale,
Range Rovers and Mercedes, a tempting tale.
In pursuit of dreams, they trade their core,
Yet later, reflections bring insecurity ashore.
Selling bodies for riches, a path they tread,
But marriages suffer, innocence shed.
In the mirror, they question love's essence,
Forgetting the purpose, losing their innocence.
I hate to be crass, but is my butt showing?
It certainly was, all big, pink and glowing.
We lied to grandpa, as grandma asked us too.
He was so happy, he did the old soft shoe.
The nurse gave us a wink, a nod and a thumbs up.
They had been trying to get him to drink out of a cup.
Grandpa’s hospital stay had been awful for many.
He was not as virile and sexy as he was when he was twenty.
He thought he was a lady’s man that is for sure.
Letting them all know he had been around the manure.
Grandma gave him leeway, he was not at all well.
When he realized his butt showed, he would give us all hell.
He’s got a rutabaga butt, a rutabaga butt.
My cousin has certainly got a rutabaga butt!
Jerry was singing this loudly and proudly, like a clown.
We could hear it coming, going and upside down.
I felt sorry for his cousin though we had never met.
You might hurt his feelings I told Jerry; better stop it.
He kept singing, "he’s got a rutabaga butt, and a giant gut!
My cousin Jed has the world’s largest rutabaga butt."
Horrified now, I insisted on meeting Jerry’s cousin Jed.
He is a rotund guy with diverse coloring and a tiny head.
His body is made of a rutabaga, so the sound now makes sense.
I have not been able to stop singing this silly song ever since.
come here quickly said my sister
her voice was two swishes above a whisper
see that fly up there on the east bedroom wall?
he showed me his butt, and it was not small.
I laughed at this craziness, for I did not know
the plotting butt-wiggling fly would soon dart below
He also wiggled his posterior at me, in my face!
It was bubbliciously big, a complete insect disgrace.
How dare you do that, you are harassing me! I said.
I got a flyswatter, determined to make that fly soon dead.
He laughed at my efforts and wiggled his butt again.
It was bigger this time, I swear, not at all thin.
We called in our mother who brought in some spray
But that butt-wiggling fly zipped out the window and got away.
Can you believe how brazen he was? My sister asked me.
I was watching the fly who was buzzing away in the form of a Z.
A woman decides to bare
All her goods, she didn't dare
She was ridicule
Because she was nude
She actually didn't care
A man wanted to be seen
After wearing cut out butt jeans
He enticed a crowd
Who got very loud
Because what he wore was obscene
He sits down there, holding a cigarette
Looking up at the summer sky.
He inhales the smoke inside his lang
Then releases in an arm-long straight line.
Sometimes he releases through his nostrils.
Sometimes he exhales in small circles
Floating on top of his head.
He stares at the misty rings until they fade out,
His sight traverses those circles to the blue sky.
Over and over, he enjoys the rounds in layers
The passersby can smell the cigarette,
But they did not remark on his dreaming eyes.
The cigarette becomes shorter and shorter
Burns close to his fingers, he wakes up
He put out the cigarette, throws the butt in a bin
Ending his cigarette is ending his pleasure
Throwing the joyful affair.
The time contains man’s passion
A common rule of life
You are today
Worth to you a dime,
To me a nickel
To her a penny
A house 30 million
A man a house
The past a Man
Earth the future
The future nothing.
Are they lions? My child asked, staring.
They were monkeys, all chattering and daring.
Why are they in a huddle? The little one asked.
No idea how to answer, glad they weren’t masked.
They have been in our tree house, my bracelet is gone.
To get it back would take a godmother and wand.
I am sure they are on this branch, dividing up loot.
I opened the window and yelled “get out! Get away! Scoot!”
Three monkeys gave me a slow look, their eyes were yellow.
The largest one gave me the bird, a sassy fellow.
A fat one waved my broken bracelet at me.
I stuck out my tongue at these butt-ugly three.
I called a handyman whose name was Mack
For fixing plumbing, he had quite a knack
Mack became quite renown
Cuz each time he bent down
Fully exposed was his nasty butt crack!
November 4, 2022
A Funny Limerick -Make Me Laugh Contest
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