Yesterday it was nearly eighty in Kansas City
Today our high will be possible snow flurries
Up down, up down, the weather is bi-polar
She cannot be outguessed
Get on board
Or get out of her way
She always wins
When I loose control,
All hell is inside,
Taken to the edge,
A slave taken to ride,
Brewed to let go,
Explode into play,
Bursting rainbow of colour,
Sensitivity breeds decay.
Keep the euphoria,
Under lock and key,
Bottle it up,
A stored fantasy,
Too little or too much
Scared of running wild,
Gentle human being,
Needy attention seeking child.
Born broken into a world that isn't whole. Taking the remedies that are supposed to "glue your sanity", to your God forsaken soul. Went through groups to find comfort within, but the tools that were taught eventually were used towards your own destruction. Gaining new insights about yourself. Slowly coming to the delusion everything is OK, so just put the crazy on the shelf. That cycle has clearly not been treating you so well. You seem to be manifesting the childhood trauma you placed on that shelf. All of the setting aside is seeping and creating your own personal hell, one for only you to reside and dwell. I hope this time you can find a good seat, so you can take the time and make friends with your childhood misery. Encourage healing for your mind. Stop sticking things in places that one day you eventually find. Deal with the pain that's brewing inside. Your little girl will thank you and future you will smile from ear to ear.
YOUR GOOD AND BAD
IN EQUALL MEASURE
I BALANCE THE CENTRE
A POINTLESS ENDEVOUR
It's starting to get hazy, feeling a little bit crazy.
Everything is starting to spin but this is a fight I can win.
Will this always be? These emotions plaguing me.
Do I smile or frown? It goes up and down.
If not real mad then just super sad.
I just want to cry, maybe even die.
It's killing my soul, really taking a toll.
I need to find my way. Don't want these feelings to stay.
To these feelings I say goodbye. To beat this I will try.
To God I pray, make this go away.
Let the darkness end, help will you please send.
Please let me get through it, I know I can do it!
So many voices, some pulling, others pushing, one spearing.
I feel the spear, and know she will not stop until I acknowledge her
What is it?
What do you want?
She gives me some directives knowing I will rebel
and rebuke them.
She never gets her way.
She wants me to do things she knows I will not do.
I hate medicines! I tell her. They do not affect me like others.
Leave me alone! But still she persists. Two are pulling, one is pushing.
She is screaming, shrieking, wailing, keening in my ear.
I take a couple of blues and a pink,
to try and fool her.
She knows what I am about.
For she is in my mind’s folds and recesses.
Another personality shows up.
A new one.
What the hell.
I thought I knew them all.
Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!
My hands are shaky.
If she is another spearing one,
I give up.
I cannot do this any more.
I have tried too long already.
I am Sherenna, she says, seductively.
Hell no. I already got rid of Dixie, my other nymphomaniac.
I close my eyes, trying to drown them all out.
Dancing prancing
cry cry cry
Whirling twirling
die die die
Up on the roof top
Laughing with maniacal glee
Saddest moment ever
Keeping this to myself, as you can see
Shopping, buying everything in sight
Wishing someone would unplug me
Or turn out the light
Life of the party, collecting strangers all around
Falling fast, and hard, maybe to never again
Fully be found.
Dancing prancing
Cry cry cry
Bi-polar fun.
Why? Why? Why?
He was locked inside his own mind
searching for the key to freedom
that he'd never find.
Daily struggles led to addictions.
He fought the devil while he prayed to God
"tell me what's real and what is fiction."
Loneliness ate at him every day.
He wondered what he'd done
to chase them all away.
He was afraid to close his eyes
so he dare not go to sleep,
else the devil heard his cries.
His Mama told him about a savior
who could take his pain away,
so he put his faith in God
and he accepted Christ that day.
At the bottom of the bottle, he finally found rest.
Now all his Mama can do is pray,
that God had mercy when he took his final breath...
Dedicated to my son, with love, Mama
Show me again and again and again
one more time please.
Please do not give up; do not assume that I know
even if you think I have been shown.
I really need to figure out how to
use this inhaler, so please keep trying.
You never know which one is listening.
when you are showing it to me,
You are not showing it to a whole,
you are speaking to but one
There are many more,
although I am not sure
how many as we refuse
to show or talk to each
other.
Could you write it down
please?
She’s not right.
She has something wrong with her.
She has a screw loose.
She’s got problems.
What is wrong with him?
How do we fix that?
I am no doctor but….
Having several issues myself, I am
Hypersensitive to these kinds of
Statements.
Yet I hear them all the time.
Yesterday a substitute teacher called
Me, and I figured she was saying this
In front of the entire class, “I am calling
About Henrydexter. What is wrong with him?”
I was instantly ready to run down there
With my sword. When you have been the victim,
You recognize the bullies faster than others.
Written 11-30-2018 Contest: I of the Storm
Sponsor: Maureen McGreavy
Bi-polar bear’s crafty and mean
So snooty she acts like a queen
She’s cold and aloof
Of that I have proof
And was last seen on the latrine
Bi-polar bear peed on the ice
Bright yellow ice didn’t look nice
To cover her tracks
She grabbed her ice axe
Her chopping was not quite precise
Bi-polar bear made a huge hole
And into the hole she did roll
A male saboteur
Did not rescue her
He battered her head with a pole!
Bi-polar bear could not be found
It’s thought that Bi- polar bear drowned
I’d love to raise a huge glass
To whoever kicked her ass
Sadly he did not hang around
NOT for Contest
Follow up to a poem written with Lin Lane in May 2017
https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/bi_polar_bear_collaboration_with_lin_lane_901528
11-07-17
In May I joined in a collaborative write
with Jan Allison about a bi-polar bear
Since then the furry marine mammal
Has been treated at Arctic Health Care
Here is an update that may interest you
After six months of meds and therapy
Her symptons are even worse than before
She's being tracked; for her it's a tragedy
Lady polar bear roams the Arctic plains
feasting on ocean fish and baby seals
She goes on a rampage when hungry
A carnivore doesn't like missing meals
She loves to dive into frigid waters
from floe to floe, she paddles til weary
searching for the most protective cave
to hibernate. Beware of her and be leary
Lady bi-polar bear met a mate to her liking
and soon she'll become a brand new mama
While she hibernates with a baby cub or two
I'll fly to the Andes, in search of a lovely llama
The original collaboration from May 2017:
https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/bi_polar_bear_collaboration_with_lin_lane_901528
Pulled apart by torn emotions
I go left right up and down
I turn endlessly on Earth
Round and Around
I change my clothes
To affect my mood
I give it colour
Its just like food
Tactics to beat it
Can run astray
Emotions Topsy Turvy
Wont spoil my day
I challenge each thought
Write it all down
Until it makes sense
These moods that i found
I work out a solution
To numerous events
Sit here mulling
Till it all makes sense
Yes Bi Polar takes me round the world
without a ticket
Yet Id like to stay here
Maybe enjoy the cricket
Sit down with you for a while
Let it all pass on by
Watch my emotions and feelings
Fly way up high
Turn events from bad to good
To prove my diagnosis wont cure me
Yet to show my worth
Ill work all day just to prove it cant kill me
As i refuse to be defined
It will never make me
When you take your problems to your own mind
Nothing can really break thee
Men meet
And greet.
Friends wait
Then, date
Tough boys
Share toys.
Cute Girls
Wear pearls
They walk
And talk.
Love bursts
At first
The hitch --
Mood switch
He tries
She sighs
Words heat
Not Sweet
Trifles
Stifle
Hearts scream
No gleam.
Dreams die
Good bye.
Bad blend
The end
12/29/2016
There are scars on her wrists from the escape attempts....
There are scars on her heart from her pain...
That sparkle that once resided behind her eyes,
hides in her fictitious shame...
She incessantly talks when she's high...
She sleeps all day when she's low...
She tells me to come home soon,
and then she screams at me to just go...
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