Best Stay Off Poems


Premium Member Buster, Miss Kitty and Tom

Miss Kitty Katt was famous in the small hometown of mine
And Buster was the town dog -- never knew a boundary line.
Miss Kitty knew no limits except those she had drawn
Which included one she’d posted -- “All dogs stay off this lawn.”

She made it known some time ago and everybody knew
That no dog ever was allowed – they knew what would ensue.
Buster and Tom were hangin’ out.  There ain’t no doubt up to no good.
Just out there strollin’ in the hood – Looked up and there Miss Kitty stood.

Now Tom, he knew Miss Kitty -- and Buster was his friend. 
 And he recognized the trouble they both would soon be in.
Miss Kitty started hissing the way that mad cats do 
She had been here many times before and knew just what to do.

She just made straight for Tom with fire in her eyes
Anyone who saw her knew her hate was not disguised.
Miss Kitty’s scream was piercing -- her intent, there was no doubt,
They were walking in her yard and she meant to drive them out.

Ol’ Tom he realized just what there was in store
Since he had also been here many times before.
It sure should draw some water that he was of her kind
But all ol’ Tom could think about was savin’ his behind.

Salvation soon trumped honor and Valor?   --- Nowhere to be found.
Tom quickly realized he had no choice – he knelt down to the ground
Miss Kitty in her hissy fit soared right o’er ol’ Tom’s back.
And  Buster stood there  helpless to handle the attack.

What happened wasn’t pretty and Buster had no doubt
This crazy maddened mama cat was there to take him out.
Nothing could be said or done to change what was to be
When Buster, with a side step knocked Miss Kitty to her knees.

 I suppose we’ll always wonder just what went on that day
When Buster and the Tom Katt just went out to play
The Morning News has brought up questions about this strange event
Like how Buster got his broken leg and where Miss Kitty went.
© John Posey  Create an image from this poem.

Premium Member Cutie Patootie Bawdy Limerick

Pat swung from a chandelier
Fell off and hurt her cute rear
She gave it a rub
And soaked in the tub
Next time she’ll stay off the beer!

Pat copied the birds and the bees
And had carpet burns on her knees
She saw her GP
He said ‘Oh dear me’ -
Next time settle for a quick squeeze

But Pat said I’m always so randy
And so is my boyfriend called Sandy
If he can’t have a lay
At least three times a day
He’ll leave me for that old moo Mandy

'for Pat' with my love xx

05~03~17

The World Needs More Poets

Smoke ladened vision
scratching at my eyes
    making them cough,
conversations drift
across the panorama
  of my hearing.
(the world needs more poets)

Words rattle, 
     separate conversations
    combining,
       melding,
  sinking up together
to make sense.
(the world needs more poets)

9/11,
     always honored,
Johnny Cash
    filled space
with honorable reasoning
   biting at laws flaws.
(the world needs more poets)

My mind
     sinks inside itself,
grabbing at the crimson and dark,
     lancing the boils of imagination
and still notes drifts in
   soothing the savage beast.
(the world needs more poets)

          Stay off the sidelines,
bite into the fabric of life,
    feel the blood
        run down your chest,
   exciting your nerves
as you lick your lips
   and wait for the next inspiration.
The world needs more poets.

(This was inspired by a congregation of people)


Flash Flood Alert on my Phone

A warning sounded on my phone -
An elongated beep -
So loud it must be meant to wake
Whoever is asleep…

Alerting me that there could be,
Within my current range,
A dangerous flash flood, which I
Found really kind of strange.

There is no river and no lake
For many miles around
And certainly no ocean
Barreling towards higher ground.

Yet I was warned, “Stay off the roads 
And don’t attempt to drive
For if a flash flood strikes you would
Be lucky to survive.”

The warning did its job and scared me
Near out of my pants.
Although the sun’s come out, you think I’d drive?
No, not a chance!

Spiritual Meat

I use to stay hungry, would eat a healthy portion of meat. Still I felt incomplete, I was destined to repeat until I heard of Spiritual Meat.

Meat very good to eat, it's nourishment to the bones and can be a real treat even sweet. But there's another meat and it's role has a specified goal cause it's not only nourishment for the body it's food for the soul.

Spiritual Meat, builds character makes you complete. It also turns up the amps making you a Heavenly Lamp and releases you from your worldly prison camp. But if I so desire how do I acquire such a delicacy that's so much higher and completely discrete as Spiritual Meat.

First you must have a Spiritual thrust then be Spiritually nursed until your worldly thinking is reversed but in order for it to flow as smooth as silk you must start on Spiritual milk.

Then to make progress you must be willing to confess and let go of all the worldly mess. Only then will you gain access and know the meaning of true success. After you complete this wondrous feat you'll be ready to eat Spiritual Meat.

This is not success from climbing man's Earthly ladder which can turn you into the Mad hatter, for many lives this illusion has shattered because it takes away what really matters and has left countless people by the wayside, battered and tattered.

So grab your baby bottle, at first you may waddle but stay off the throttle and before you know it you'll become a roll model. Then your feet will be placed on solid concrete. Once you are weaned you'll become clean, even if you are a fiend because you'll know on who to lean. Only then will you be able to eat your Spiritual Meat.

Premium Member Saver On His Final Rest

His body cringed and whined in a terrible anguish,
Counted gasps of last breaths foreboding his hopeless waiting,
His master whom he longed to see before his soul will finally be freed,
Will no longer return and their memories in her mind may even fade.

It was his second time that he had been caught by stranger’s fatal decoy,
The crux of the matter was her absence, so who could save him once more?
Happy were the days when he was with her…given foods, bones and toy,
On his first food poisoning, he was revived by her - such a great joy!

His halcyon days since puppyhood were wistful things to remember,
So naughty he was… poop here- pee there but he was patiently cleaned by 
her;
He closed his eyes on his baths to feel his body scrub and nail brushing,
So tidy, yet he must stay off the house while she was in the office, working.

He had encountered accidents many times as he roamed around,
By his dog’s name, he was so resilient in his master’s care and love;
To give back all the pet’s love and compassion, he closely guarded her,
Going out at night, he didn’t care the many dogs that barked to hinder.

He was a real smart dog, looked like a trained one by his master,
He sent her to the bus station, then went back to fetch her after work;
When time came that his master has to leave and work abroad,
She was forced to leave him and he was entrusted to their landlord.

Who could save him from danger and death for the second time?
As his breaths slowly drenched, his hope crumbled in a quarter dime;
No one could really replace the sympathy and care of a real master,
No one could no longer save the life of a very dear smart dog, Saver.

Giving a last kind gaze to his pseudomaster seated beside him,
As if begging, “ Convey to my real  master that I’ll forever be her loyal friend,”
After lifting his right foreleg, he slowly laid it down back to the ground,
Finally, on to his eternal rest from all sleepless nights in guarding his house.



November 19, 2013   10.15. pm
©2013by Leonora Galinta
© Len Gasun  Create an image from this poem.


Battle Rap

I see you got expensive shoes,
But you couldn't pay someone to screw you.
You walk around all day thinking you're hot as fondu.
Yeah, you got cheese,
And you think that makes you an OG.
Well, let us just see.
Yeah, we'll put that to the test.
You think that you're the best,
But you ain't got enough to put together a mess
Of words to make me feel less
like a man. When I'm done, you're gonna guess
At where you went wrong
Because this is a fighting song.
This verse ain't short, it's long
Because I'm going to rip you apart like I did your mom
Last night with my massive...
I'm blasting through this battle.
I'm amassing nukes.
I'm everlasting, dude.
You ain't got what it takes to be passing, fool.
I'm a master, you
Are just a massive douche.
I'm gassing you.
You ain't gonna be able to pick it up before I come after you.
You'll feel like half a dude.
I've got a magic spool
Of yarn that keeps flowing 
Like my words to make you realize I'm glowing
with power.
This is my hour.
I'm going to shower
You with disses like my granny waters a flower.
It's just gonna keep coming.
I'm running through and busting you
Like I'm cutting you and bussing through
I'm gonna be slapping you silly. 
This ain't no willy nilly, speaking like a hill-billy.
"I ain't got nuttin 'a say"
What's wrong with your brain
You should have known it was a mistake
To go up against someone as messed up and insane
As me. 
I'm king of the ring.
Your girl was a one night thing.
Just a quick fling.
Almost done now,
But before I dip I'm going to go to town
On you so that you make sure to stay off my ground.
Yeah, I'm going to make you bow down
With this final roast. 
I don't mean to boast,
But you can't bring enough heat to toast
Me, let alone host
these competitions. But don't give it to me.
Once I'm done with the beat,
You better know I'm gone like a ghost.
I'm on the Friends with Benefits level with your sister.
Your cousin calls me her mister.
Yo auntie wants me to fist her.
And now your bestie told me she got blisters.
I told you I was gonna make you wish ya
Had never stepped to me.
I'm the best, ya see.
This battle had cost you and the next ain't free.

New Year Diet

At Christmas as always I ate
So much that I put on some weight
New year I must try
To stay off the pie
And next year, well I just can't wait.

New Year's Resolutions For 2017

(Subjective Poem)

New Years comes around way to soon each year.
There is so much to do and never enough time.
I usually don’t make resolutions because –
I NEVER have been able to keep them.

I wish for many improvements in my life.
For starters I want to start working in the yard again.
But that is not all.  The usual things come to mind like: 
Eat healthier; lose weight, which I have given up on,
And get back to the basic things that I love doing, 
such as: writing poetry, painting pictures,
playing with Photoshop, taking more photographs,
and enjoying my senior life even with 4 children to raise.

There are some resolutions that I really should work on,
such as:  Potty training the toddler and baby –
Being consistent at following through 
with consequences , even when I am tired,
when the teen and pre-teen  skip tidying, 
say naughty words, pick on each other, 
or try to get out of chores.

But I have decided, instead to make 
New Year’s Resolutions
That I know I can keep. (Is that cheating?)
I resolve to:
1.	 Never climb down in the huge sinkhole again.
2.	 Stay off of the children’s twisted slide.
3.	I won’t speed down the hill on the John Deer mower.
        (I’m not sure I can keep that one.  Lol)
4.	I won’t climb trees without a ladder.
5.	I won’t watch any X-rated movie except: 
             The Passion of Christ, Shindler’s List, 
             And the Pirate Movie with Gena Davis,
6.	I will not eat hominy.

That’s about it!  Happy New Year!  (This was fun.)

12/26/2016

Premium Member My Black Cat

Did you know,                                                                                                                       cats are smart.                                                                                                           Black cats are extra smart,                                                                                               with a sixth sense.                                                                                                             We know to stay off the streets,                                                                               black cats on the streets mean trouble for people.                                                           Black cats need extra love and rubs,                                                                        we are very independent.                                                                                                   Don't disturb us while napping or sleeping,                                                                      you will get a huge hiss.                                                                                            We love play time,                                                                                                                 we need plenty of toys and catnip for us to enjoy.                                               Make sure our litter box is changed each day,                                                                          we like nice smells around us.                                                                                      Remember black cats need extra rubs,                                                                              it's time for some of those extra rubs. 

 

Date Written:3/22/2022

1 Place

Black Cat Contest Judged: 4/3/2022 
Sponsored by: Robert James Liguori

Premium Member My Office Revisited

My office
Yo I went into my office, lookin’ for a bone,
I’m in the zone,
Cause I found the chicken that I left next to the phone,
Yo the other day I found a roach that got high off fumes,
The straight perfumes of fruit of the looms,
That I forgot to put in the laundry,
The other day, a bill collector called he,
Needed to collect on the gas that be passin,
From the mold that be lastin’
On my desk from starbuck’s latte’s that never made it to rest,
 Yo I must confess,
My wife almost divorced me,
When she saw the fungus on my socks I use to hold my mornin’ coffee,
The other day I broke my chair but yo the stacks of papers caught me,
Sometimes the sisters judge me,
Cause I be funky,
But they be chunky,
Like in the country,
Where when they hug me,
I gasp for breath and stagger round like someone mugged me,
Or straight up drugged me,
Yo my boys be tryin’ to punk me,
When they say my rug be dusty,
But that don’t phase a brotha, cause them brotha’s knees be ashy,
Like a car that’s gotten rusty.
But yo, I got to end this,
So peace out and don’t dismiss this,
Or try and say my crib’s a health risk,
Cause yo there are lists, of brothas who have smelled the breath behind those luscious lips,
So mind yo business and let me be,
And stay off my office too,

Premium Member Possum Branch Road

Cedars whisker the ditch along Possum Branch Road.  Such small little fellers, hardly worth calling a tree.  Some say haints put a spell on the whole two thousand arcres.  Maybe so, maybe not, but leastways, the land wont grow even a decent scrub oak these days.  Being mostly swamp, the creepy crawlers infest every rat hole and tuft of wire grass.  The old run down Elizabethan house used to be a place of excitement back during reconstruction.  It had the latest wood burners you could find in the south.  Then the family started dying off- - - one by one.  The old cajun Mammie came up with more fixins than you could shake a stick at, but nothing worked.  The last one of the family died back in 1923.  A marker in the small family grave yard still reads, "Here lies the last of 300 years worth of Deveroux. God save the Queen and these here states."  Most of the markers are barely readable now, being so pitted by the weather.  As long as Mammy lived, folks would drive their old buggies and rattletrap cars around the place.  That's why they's that big bend in the road around it.
    Anyways, you don't want a flat tire close to the place at night.  There be a strange blue green light coming out from the small grave yard.  Some folks say they suddenly had passengers in their back seats if they happened along at the right time.  But I say, there ain't no right time for a rotton stranger to show up in your back seat, and not have a word to say.  But remember one thing, if you are there at that house and a stranger shows up in the back seat, don't look straight at him.  You will go blind for twenty four hours, and your food tastes rotton for a week.  It's really bad because you just HAVE to eat somethin'.
    So you best just stay off of Possum Branch road, even in the day time.  There's folks out there that just ain't right.

Premium Member The Blizzard

The snow, its been a long time coming.  High drifts, cold - low visibility.  Stay home is the cry.  Stay off the roads.  Warm houses, supplies, everything to keep one comfortable.  How about the homeless, are they cared for?  Children love it, so they can play in it.  But not this one, too hard on everyone.  Ain't seen this type of storm since the forties.  Not even sure they are the same.  Want to believe God is with us.  Want to believe we are safe.  Everything closed and shut down.  What will I do while the storm is going on?  Play computer games, read or write.  Perhaps watch TV  or sleep.  Not much one can do, til it's over.  But safe, that's the ticket.  Safe and warm.

Fire Ants!

Fire ants! Fire ants!  All over my yard!
Fire ants! Fire ants!  Why do you try so hard?

There are little hills of demons all over my land
Filled with the little critters that I just can’t stand!
The sting and they bite and leave scars on me.
The have even killed my very favorite tree!

Fire ants! Fire ants!  Are making me so mad!
Fire ants! Fire ants!  Where’s that can of diesel I had?

I will be diggin’ in a flower bed when suddenly
Those darn fire ants are swarming all over me!
I run to turn on the water and grab the water hose
So I can wash away the fire burning under my clothes!
 
Fire ants! Fire ants! Taking over Texas!
Fire ants! Fire ants!  Meaner than my exes!

One of these days, I will manage to eradicatecate
Just as soon as someone improved fire ant bait
My land will then have a fire ant sign
Saying stay off of my property, it is mine!

Fire ants! Fire ants!  Making evil mounds!
Fire ants! Fire ants!   If you got ‘em, trouble abounds!

Death Don'T Play

You made Death grumble, boy
He not pleased that a little squirt like you got away
He had you choking on your mama's apron strings,
with that foolhardy, playful dare you made
Said you was gonna cross Bim Argut's field,
and you wasn't scared of his menacing sign
Hope that pretty young thing you were trying to impress,
comes to your funeral in her best Sunday dress
"No Trespassing" is what the rusted, buck shot at, sign said
"Private Property," so that means you better stay off
You can leave walking,
or you can leave being carried away on your back dead
Yeah, Death thought he had you, little bugger
Had you in Bim's gunsight, but he didn't squeeze the trigger right
Even after you turned tail and ran,
Bim was still trying to hit you with his bad arthritic right hand
Just missed you,
Grim Reaper thought he had you
Dead to rights, you was almost his
At that distance how did he miss ...
with a 20-gauge shotgun, even a blind man
could've gave you a silver pellet kiss
Maybe your big friend from on high helped you,
if he did, I don't know why
You ain't nothing but a troublemaker,
a short life is written in the stars
You won't live long enough
to raise glasses in honky-tonk bars
Now gon' run back to your papa
in your blue jeans with the brown backside
Yeah, run back to your mama
in your white sneakers with the yellow streak,
like you done cried
Death's gonna get you one day,
everybody knows that Death don't play
Yeah, Death's gonna get you someday,
so you better start learning how to pray

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