Best Snoring Poems
noise pollution
breaking night's silence...
sleepless hours
a roaring engine...
beside me
my snoring wife
a ticking clock
competing with...
the snoring sound
who will win?
let me see...
sleepless judge
On the top floor of Smidget’s, you could stay, if you paid,
‘Twas a clean-running place, now, so don’t be dismayed…
‘Twas up there, I’d a run-in with one of the boys,
For his snoring and mumbling had made quite a noise…
“I’ve no wish to fight you,” the bright young man said –
He stared at me then, and I thought I was dead,
For he fingered a knife that he kept in his belt
(I was sure that he wanted my skin and my pelt.)
But Puggily Smidget and Guru appeared,
Things began to look up, it was not as I feared!
For they each had a pistol (one was trained on my head
And one on the youngster who wanted me dead.)
“Now lie down, each one of you,” Prettisome said,
“or each one of you will be a-wishing he’s dead!
We’ll shoot off your noses, and shoot out your ears,
And then leave you looking like that all your years!”
So, I laid down my club, and he dropped his bright knife,
And each one of us muttered and prayed for his life.
But pretty soon, Smidget was whistling a tune,
(It was one she’d picked up from the downstairs saloon)
And Prettisome (who was her mother, it seems)
Came and knocked us both out, pistol-whip: “boys, sweet dreams!”
Then, when we came to, we were both wearing aprons,
And Prettisome said, “get out there, serve the patrons!”
Out there, twenty cowboys, as rough as I’d seen,
Were calling for whiskey, and each man looked mean,
But the boy and I poured out, again and again,
Until, of the twenty, not sleeping, were ten.
So, I picked up the OUZO, and poured THEM all some,
And they all drank it off, and their lips all turned numb,
And their eyes glazed a bit, and they fell to the floor
Except one old geezer, who wanted some more…
The boy and I crept out, then, near silently,
And met to continue our brawl ‘neath a tree
But it seemed, by that time, that his anger was spent,
And mine? Well, I couldn’t have said where it went…
“I’ve no wish to fight you,” the young man then said,
“Nor I, you,” I replied, and he pulled some old bread
From a pocket he had, just inside of his coat,
And we had bread, with OUZO, to wet a dry throat…
3/1/2019
Now don't you be complaining that I snore
when you be the one sounding like a chainsaw
cause of you I toss and turn every night
pull the covers up outta sheer fright
While you be sleeping like a loud log
I feel like stuffing yo mouth with a cod
but you'd probably just spit it out
get back to making weird noises with yo mouth
One night I thought I was dreaming
remember when I woke up hysterical screaming
thought I heard an elephant roar
but it turned out it was just one of yo snores
So how can you complain that I even snore
since you fall asleep soon as my slippers hit the floor
for awhile you be my mister pillow mellow fellow
but few minutes later be hearing a very loud whale like bellow
I got an idea to get me some earplugs
as I can't sweep yo zoo snores under the rug
and if that don't help and I can still hear
then yo be off to the couch way over there!
6-2-18
There he is sitting atop my favorite comforter and upon my king-sized beige recliner. He thinks he is the king of the universe, my little dog named Sunny. He often rests there for hours and most days you can't ignore the chain-saw sound coming from the living room. There he is again drifting away into his doggie dreams! ZZZZzzzz.
I sit and ponder what in the world my dog is dreaming of. He is snoring so intently. Is he concentrating in his dreams as he does in real life? Is he preoccupied by a flea on his back side, or rather is he chasing a squirrel up a tree with his wagging tail? Does he dream of reaching the doggie treats on the highest shelf in the kitchen cabinet? Or perhaps he is taking a bubble bath when the queen of the house is off to work? Oh to get into the dreams of my doggie and to just take a quick peek!
I better be more quiet now. I don't want to wake up the king of my recliner!
ZZZZzzz.
Gwendolen Rix
1-27-15
When Cyris snored it shook the house piers,
Reducing his wife to constant tears,
At wits end she put a peg on his nose
To stop where the emanating air noise grows,
But unfortunately it blew off both of his ears.
Just take a look outside my window
And see what you can see
Green hills, trees and radio masts
Not such a pretty sight to see
A dockyard full of busy cranes
And at the station trains and yet more trains
Flat upon flat climbing high
Up and up till they reach the sky
Cars rushing here there, everywhere
In busy bustling city streets
People walking, children talking
But really it is all quite boring
So I’ll just get back to do some snoring
Dinosaurs snoring
Will their end, be our own rife…
Rip Van winkles clue
Written for
Sponsor S K A T *
Contest Name Dinosaurs~ HAIKU
... clouds swirl overhead
sundown bleeds a flaming red
alone, snores my bed ...
moon gleams the white teeth
flowers my lonely desolated heart jumps
reverberates with the rise
the bright luminary moon
timorous golden light forlorn
snake moves the caves empty
new soils fragrance of mud
rainy night intoxicated drunk poet
love sleeps on earth snoring
Oh my Grandpa dear-he had just one big beer. He thought he could see, his eyes were fuzzy and not clear. So on the sofa he did lay, as he slept away the day.
Oh my Grandpa dear-snoring so loud, everyone thought you were sleeping on a cloud. You stopped your snoring as you rolled over and headed due south, A fly does not enter a closed mouth.
8/9/2019
~While I nodded nearly sleeping my snores was hurt all around the house the family knew I was alive and breathing~
11/16/20
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr © 2020
Pounding, drenching, teeming rain
Is coming down so fast
The flowers on my brand-new mum
Are gone; I’d hoped they’d last.
The downpours seem to alternate
With lulls of less intent
But don’t be fooled - the pace will soon
Renew our discontent.
Some places have tornado scares;
For us, some floods may flow.
It’s raining and it’s pouring;
The old man is snoring so!
Ageing retainer
losing hearing
and codependent consciousness
in this silent sacred season
snoring snowy wonder
A winterish hibernating memory,
Dreams of globally peaceful slumber
resolving GoldenRules
engaging compassionately personal
political powering plunder
and mortal offending self-righteousness
Getting mine
while I still can
Revisiting now absent win/win sensory Spring
of outdoor lusty,
wildly crusty
sacred wonder
as I snow-bound
OldMan wander
into passionately dormant wonder.
Two friends went on a weekend tour
All night one of them did snore …grrrrrr
The other sat up
She could not put up
She murmured “What awful bore!”…rrrrr
Nov.18.2022
A Fun Holiday Limerick
Syllables- 8-8-5-5-8 ( HMS )
Sponsor- Tania Kitchin
Snoring can be a reason for divorce
Resembling the snoring of a horse
With pillow on head
Displeasure instead
Enough to cause screams until one's hoarse