Best Purdy Poems
For Carolyn purdy Hibbert Foy ( wilderspin)
Carolyn, you gave me your heart, your home and your life.
I gave you hurt, tho I wanted you as my wife.
My life was random and yours was laid out,
Promises I made, very few were borne out.
But here is my problem, a psychologist i did see,
STOP! Said the dr, listen to me.
You have a problem with your insecurities.
So put your divorce on hold, listen to what I say
Wait.... Andy, till the 14th of may. The date of this chat was February early
And on the day of the lovers... my
will I gave you freely...
The children also are taken care of, all of this done out of love.
You say I'm closed just like a book, well Carolyn baby you can read every look,
You know me better than any other alive and that's why darling, I want to make you my wife,
The dreams of the future laid out bare, I cannot live them now, I didn't share
My thoughts they were muddled a little bit vague, Carolyn, darling you were my babe.
I'm sorry I lied. But to save a scene, if I had known then it would shatter our dreams,
Your family and friends don't like what I've done, Carolyn please just know you're the one.
The light in the dark, the warmth against chill, I love you Carolyn and I always will.
If you forgive me and allow us to be, the happiest honest man in me you will see.
If you can't forgive and do not allow me to stay, a friendship and love will be given away,
I pray that your soul my words you will hear as Carolyn wilderspin my heart will die here,
Here in hell is where I write from, if you walked in the room the light you would show.
This is my promise to your family and friends, give me a chance to make amends.. I'll love her and honour her with all that I am.....if you will allow me this I'll show you the real man..
Carolyn you're loved..Andy x
Riden' hard; saddle sores on my butt;
I found a little town by the name of Rotgut.
Bustin' in the salloon, thirsty to the core;
Needn' a poke, thought I might find a whore.
I ordered a whiskey and it 'bout made me gag.
The only whore, was a ugly ole hag.
She asked if I wasa wantn' to bed her down:
So I braced myself, and ordered another round.
It was torture tryin' to drink enough to make her look purdy,
but after two bottles, I thought I was ready.
Just about the time I took her by the hand;
through the swingin' doors walked a hell of a man.
Before I knew it, he done socked me in the jaw.
Come to find out, she was his long lost Ma.
He beat me till both of my eyes swelled shut.
If he'd done it sooner.... I wouldn't had to drink so much rotgut!
July 18, 2014
Contest: A town called "Rotgut"
Sponsor: Jerry T. Curtis
I'm pristine and purdy for dear Dr. Kim
Changed my undies, I'm all proper and trim
Checks out my bod
And gives me a nod
If all's copacetic, no strange lumps therein
© Jack Ellison 2015
Perfect! (Hypochondria?)
I’m not sick. I’m not ill. I’m not crazy.
There is nothing wrong with being perfect.
My mommy told me so.
"illness anxiety disorder" It’s just a label….Just a name
Like thousands of other names that I can’t say, I can’t spell
Such as the thousands of lethal viruses and bacterial pathogens
Out to get me. I know they want me.
As they try to get inside to kill me.
They cross my path without a care
Don't even wipe their feet
They are here! They are there! They are everywhere!
So what. I don’t care.
I quit my job and wife and life to deal with them
And deal with them I will
They won’t find me. No sir!
I’ll never leave my house again
I hide in disinfectant waters in day
In scalding hot baths and microwave ovens at night
Me and Purdy; Purdy is my sparrow in a hermetically sealed cage
He would sing all day if he were alive today
But he never was. He never existed
As you can see he is plastic
Plastic birds don’t sing but they are free
Free from infections, infestations, nasty things found in nature
My birdie is sterilized, sanitized, purified…. like me
We wear our hypoallergenic suits and masks
Which, when applied properly, qualifies us as being clean
Keeps us alive for the time being
(Papa’s got ‘is gun on you)
When I was young my ma said ta me
“yer gonna meet a man an’ be his bride”
Now whoever thought that YOU would be
So lucky as to be my pride?
Gimme a kiss, gimme a hug
We’z gonna git hitched cuz we’z in luv
Don’t try ta run an’ don’t try ta hide
Cuz papa’s got ‘is gun on you (whoa whoa)
Ya won’t really gain cuz I got a ball-n-chain
Wrapped around yer purdy little toe (whoa whoa)
Don’t tell me maybe
gonna make us some babies
An’ papa’s got ‘is gun on you
Now I’m spit shined an’ spiffied up
To go traipsin’ down that aisle of furever
Say them words, say ‘em loud ‘nuff to be heard
Ya know, for worse or for better? (wutever)
Gimme a kiss, gimme a hug
We’z gonna git hitched cuz’ we’z in luv
Don’t try ta run an’ don’t try ta hide
Cuz papa’s got ‘is gun on you
…Now three days later
I’m still waitin’ at the altar
Yer a slick one I should say
You said you just needed ta step outside
This was an awful time to take a ride
I wish you’d come back an’ make me yer bride
Cuz papa’s got ‘is gun on you
I wish you’d come back cuz I miss ya hun,
Papa’s already reloadin’ his gun
And I’m in tears cuz this aint no fun
(I’ve never waited this long for anyone!)
Gimme a kiss, gimme a hug
We’z gonna git hitched cuz we’z in luv
Don’t try ta run an’ don’ try ta hide
Cuz papa’s got ‘is gun on you.
You kin paint it up with all the purdy words y’all like,
But there ain’t no right way to do something wrong, .. right?
When I was a kid I heard this term
My simple young mind was aghast
How could there be a tree for such things
My mind was confused unsurpassed
Pictured this scene of a big old oak tree
With a seat carved into it's bark
The seat had a hole the size of a bum
Where a man for relief would park
The meaning was finally explained to me
Toiletries were sweet smelling lotions
To make us tough guys smell oh so purdy
This concept I sure had no notion
Now when I go out I douse myself
With that powerful smelling cosmetic
Dressed in my spiffy new velvet attire
Enhanced by my charms so magnetic
When I was a kid I heard this term
My simple young mind was aghast
© Jack Ellison 2013
I met him and talked to him only twice
Both times between the mumbles and grumbles what he had to say wasn't nice
Complaining about this person or task
Why so negative, I thought to ask
Maybe it's not him, maybe it's all the others
Maybe he is really a nice guy incognito, maybe he is under cover
I soon feel all the negative vibes he does convey
On the job, whom ever has to work with him should receive Purdy pay
He claims to never get a fair break
He wants it and eat it too, but no one will give him the cake
Maybe he's hiding his true happiness, I never looked to see if his eyes are brown
He will never be struck by lightning, he is negatively ground
Working with him makes what seems like 24 hours out of an 8 hour work day
Please include in the next budget some Purdy pay
This morning I wanted to write a poem
But the words just wouldn't rhyme
So, I'll just put it away
And try another time
Well, here I am in the afternoon
Armed with paper and pen
The words will surely come to me soon
So, I'll just wait til then
I had a very nice dinner
And an extra glass of wine
Poem writing shouldn't be so hard
And I'm sure I can do it this time
First I'll have another glass of wine
Just to settle me down
I'm beginning to get the feeling
I may need to lie down
So many words come tumbling out
I can't get them in a line
My fingers are shaking so
Think I need another glass of wine
Oh, looky, looky, looky, at all dem purdy werds
Amazing how a liddle wine can open up yer head
I wish I could get dem on my paper
Before my fingers turn to lead
I 'd really love to write a poem
But I don't know what to do
So, I'll have another glass of wine
And leave the poem writing to you.
Aye Writhed With Agony...
Unbeknownst to any
innocent onlooker, aye
underwent extreme internal
torture with silent cry
ying whimpers, whence,
(either left or
right) post-
pubescent myopic eye
didst readily espy,
an aesthetically pleasing female,
and most likely stunning
to any other generic guy
and suddenly rendered mute, NO...,
NOT even daring
enough to say "hi,"
which close proximity of sizzling
hot babe wrought me fancying
myself being whisked away
(in a one horse
open sleigh, despite
the remote possibility livingsocial
in Montgomery County,
Pennsylvania suburban) igloo
to be frozen
with fear, petrified lo'
while terror seized thee Oh No
bliss oblige emotional status quo
of much younger Matthew
Scott Harris head to toe
induced a deplorable woe
imaging other (prospective
obscured individuals) probably
considered yours truly
tubby unstrung mama's yoyo,
and at this present time feline
less in timid
dated noticing a sultry,
leggy, and foxy anatomical
and physiological arrest
ting, though such hypothetical chest
a coy gal, nonchalantly, innocently
with non verbal expressed
charm and demurely
posing as if intending
to serve as guest
of honor, nonetheless,
this brief illusory invest
ment, sans quasi
voyeuristic poetic, shrug jest
sheen, and imagistic distraction,
thy sole rhythmical
motif, since n'er nest
sold with any
purdy young thang begrudging
natural animalistic proclivity,
which absence young adult quest
ting, oh yea
definitely in apropos now,
yet...that self deprived
self discovery stage of life,
that "smarts" me psyche,
when clumsy teen
age dating experience,
a electric kool
aid acid (litmus) test
until twilight age
senescence doth wrest.
Mating Calls, or, Purdy Please!
Limericks by Michael R. Burch
1.
Nine-thirty? Feeling flirty (and, indeed, a trifle dirty),
I decided to ring prudish Eleanor Purdy ...
When I rang her to bang her,
it seems my words stang her!
She hung up the phone, so I banged off, alone.
2.
Still dreaming to hold something skirty,
I once again rang our reclusive Miss Purdy.
She sounded unhappy,
called me “daffy” and “sappy,”
and that was before the gal heard me!
3.
It was early A.M., ’bout two-thirty,
when again I enquired with the regal Miss Purdy.
With a voice full of hate,
she thundered, “It’s LATE!”
Was I, perhaps, over-wordy?
4.
At 3:42, I was feeling blue,
and so I dialed up Miss You-Know-Who,
thinking to bed her
and quite possibly wed her,
but she summoned the cops; now my bail is due!
5.
It was probably close to four-thirty
the last time I called the miserly Purdy.
Although I’m her boarder,
the restraining order
freezes all assets of that virginity hoarder!
Golden Years?
by Michael R. Burch
I’m getting old.
My legs are cold.
My book’s unsold and my wife’s a scold.
Now the only gold’s
in my teeth.
I fold.
Teeter Tots
by Michael R. Burch
For your spuds to become Tater Tots,
First, artfully cut out the knots,
Then dice them into tiny cubes,
Deep fry them, and serve them to rubes
(but not if they’re acting like snots).
Keywords/Tags: limerick, limericks, nonsense verse, humor, humorous, light verse, mating calls, prude, prudish, lonely, loneliness, longing, America
My gift from God
leaps you mold
In my womb your brief abode
Prompts the love we share
Essence of God's love
A golden rose is my care
Sealed with infantry chuckles
Cherub Smiles
Button nose cute
Disrupted flute
From fragmented tears
That bow down your eyes
Bruising
Bemusing
The more frequent your cries
My gift from God
Conceiving you immense pain told
Your worth marked by every stitch
My joyful bead
Clover seed
Your razzling sounds
Delightful bubbles
Teething dew
Pacific, calm you lay
With you tiny fists balled
Your purdy belly
Your gentle laughter that strokes
My face
Your supple skin
Inviting lips
Adorable to kiss
One moment away from you
And something feels amiss
My gift from God
Your ignorance
And Stubbornness frustrates me
Hated delivering you under such
Circumstances
Loved knowing I would LOVE you
Unconditionally again and again
Hated how the man I loved
suggested 'abort my love'
? @! # confused then
Joyful today that I never aborted
Loving you
My gift from God
Scars you bring home
Bones you break
No sense of danger
Risks you take
Your health that falls and fails
On certain days
And eventual nights
O Dear
O Lord
Makes me loose my mind
Yet that strengthens the bond
And scars of love we share
Giddy
Kiddie
Purdy
Birdie
Funky
Monkey
Lucky
Duckie
Picky
Chicky
Loggy
Froggy
Wiggy
Piggy
Squirmy
Wormy
Tidy
Spidy
Lucy
Goosy
Lovey
Dovey