Purdy Please Or Mating Call Limericks

Mating Calls, or, Purdy Please! Limericks by Michael R. Burch 1. Nine-thirty? Feeling flirty (and, indeed, a trifle dirty), I decided to ring prudish Eleanor Purdy ... When I rang her to bang her, it seems my words stang her! She hung up the phone, so I banged off, alone. 2. Still dreaming to hold something skirty, I once again rang our reclusive Miss Purdy. She sounded unhappy, called me “daffy” and “sappy,” and that was before the gal heard me! 3. It was early A.M., ’bout two-thirty, when again I enquired with the regal Miss Purdy. With a voice full of hate, she thundered, “It’s LATE!” Was I, perhaps, over-wordy? 4. At 3:42, I was feeling blue, and so I dialed up Miss You-Know-Who, thinking to bed her and quite possibly wed her, but she summoned the cops; now my bail is due! 5. It was probably close to four-thirty the last time I called the miserly Purdy. Although I’m her boarder, the restraining order freezes all assets of that virginity hoarder! Golden Years? by Michael R. Burch I’m getting old. My legs are cold. My book’s unsold and my wife’s a scold. Now the only gold’s in my teeth. I fold. Teeter Tots by Michael R. Burch For your spuds to become Tater Tots, First, artfully cut out the knots, Then dice them into tiny cubes, Deep fry them, and serve them to rubes (but not if they’re acting like snots). Keywords/Tags: limerick, limericks, nonsense verse, humor, humorous, light verse, mating calls, prude, prudish, lonely, loneliness, longing, America