Best Pinch Poems
Yikes, all I feel is attitude with zero Christmas mood.
Blessed am I for Jesus’ birth and sacrificial rood,
but Santa and his deer had best just skip our roof
or I might very well rage out on every furry hoof.
All my Christmas feel of unique is long past its peak.
Do color me aloof, uncouth if you choose, or bleak,
but my entire entirety still feels yuletide fatigue
from the Christmas I’m sure we just had last week.
Makes no mind to me if stuffing that gleeful day
stirs relatives into a finger wagging, yapping say.
I’ll show critics red and green done fist proper,
Christmas-awe land them on their tree topper.
I would rather hang with the Grinch and Scrooge
than endure another round of Santa subterfuge.
Aint no way I’m buying, baking, craftily stressing
while wrapping, decorating or glee impressing.
Ho, Ho, Ho can ever so jolly just blow, blow, blow.
I flat out dare Santa to plan to show, show, show.
... CayCay Jennings
December 13, 2017
A quick
Sharp
Pain in a vein
Barely notice it
Blood is drawn
Rushing from the vein
It feels unnatural
Leaving from your vein
But the pain is unnoticeable
as more leaves
A feeling of faint
The one drawing the blood
gives a kind look with their eyes
Taking more blood
worry sets in
Skin becomes ashen
vision blurs
More blood is drawn
To tight in a grip
Body goes limp
What caused the minor pain leaves the vein
Two slow breaths
Ashen
Cold
Dead
Too much blood was
Today, I'll do my best to teach you
the recipe to keep Christmas true.
You'll need to start with a loving heart,
or else your plans will all fall apart.
Decorating a tree sets the mood,
so smile and indulge in Christmas food.
Eggnog and ribbon candy are fine,
but do uncork a bottle of wine.
Belt out Christmas carols with gusto,
and hug your friends when it's time to go.
But don't forget to add just a pinch
of that Santa wannabe, the Grinch.
Attend church to give the Lord His due
and thank Him for all He's given you.
Bonding with the folks you love the most;
gather your friends and family close.
Wrap your gifts in bright ribbons and bows,
and wear traditional Christmas clothes.
Now, add a dash of wintertime fun,
and build a snowman before you're done.
O help me! I've fallen
And I can't get it up!
I'm stuck here acrawlin'
Up a Double-D cup
Now don't let us dicker
I am over the hill
Just be a mite quicker
Slipping me that blue pill!
Leather, rubber, PVC
Synched waists, stiletto heels
Chicken cutlets shoved in bras
Body stocking, pantyhose
Sitting around, TV on
Laptops open
Googling...
Waiting
For a sleaze bag
To book a session
Half hour, maybe more
Fingers crossed
The bell rings
Door’s buzzed open
Short, fat, ugly, hairy, thing
You would think he was Brad Pit
The hussy's hover like flies
His cash burns a hole
‘I want to talk to her…
And her’
All of them Yes Girls
‘I’d love that, Sir!’
‘Are you a bad girl?’
‘Oh yes, Sir, absolutely!’
Slim blond, flavor of the month
Big breast, slim waist, round bum
All boxes ticked
He gets a rush
Deal struck
Half an hour
Over the knee
No wood
He pays in cash
Then leads the way
Into a mock school room
CLICK, doors secure
Hands tied behind back
Ankles roped together
Thrown over his lap
Punishment begins
He slaps with much gusto
Dying to see crimson,
Speckles and welts
And sweet cherry tears
‘You’ve been a very bad girl,
You need be punished’
He whacks her with a paddle
She sees bolts of lightning
‘Please, Sir, I don’t…’
‘You do as I say!’
He beat her much harder
“Please, Sir!’
‘Can you have another?
Sure, that’s what I’m here for’
‘It’s not what I agreed to’
‘Well that’s just tough ****.’
‘Now be a smart girl
And listen very carefully
Do exactly as I tell you
And you’ll be okay
‘Open up…wider
Pop this gag in your mouth
Bite down it will help
See how I care?’
She knows not to argue
Struggle equals pain
With the ease of a stealth bomber
Her mind exits backstage
He has a jolly old time
Bombs over Bagdad
An onslaught of slaps
Wood, hand and yardstick
The intercom buzzes
‘Sir, your 30 is up’
‘Thank you, I’m finished’
He works to untie her
‘Here’s a tip, for your markings’
She smiles and says thank you
Truth be told
She has a penchant for pain
Back in the waiting room
She sits on the sofa
The fire from her backside
Warms up her soul
She opens Facebook
Updating her status:
“Interesting day @ the dungeon,
I really heart my job!”
Pinch
Rarity often governs price,
and availability
more so, than the need,
and acceptance of what is on hand.
Pinch
Great Italian Lovers
or
How to Tell an Italian Pinch From Sexual Abuse...
Of all the nerve!
Sal turned abruptly
as she felt the pinching
of her bottom.
She was never a shy girl,
and certainly not about to pretend
just because
she was in an elevator in Naples.
There were three of them.
They all stood
ignoring her in stony silence.
She hadn't been fast enough
to see which hand was jerked away.
She just couldn't tell
who had pinched her on the butt.
The tall one looked blankly at the ceiling.
Another balding man had his eyes closed
as if praying.
The other Italian glanced at her and smiled,
then looked away.
"Your prayers are answered Bambino,"
she said."Let's go to my room."
The bald guy smiled triumphantly.
morale of this poem...make sure she's Italian
before pinching.
Ha ha I learned the truth of this Italian pinch in a Pensione in Rome, but I changed it to Naples bacause it reads better. This is an old poem... Dedicated to my friend Caterina Pelle in Genoa Italy,
© ron wilson aka Vee B'Dosa the Doylestown poet
Take life with a pinch of salt
So the old adage goes
So follow the advice
Take it from one who knows
Take life with a pinch of salt
Take it from a wise fella
Just follow it with a slice of lemon
And a good shot of tequila
Irish tales of what a leprechaun gives away
If you don’t wear green on St Paddy’s Day
a painful pinch
Like Suisse’s Grinch,
a green tie or vest so invisible you’ll stay
by I Am Anaya
On St. Paddy's day I grabbed a lassie fair
kissed her lips and pinched her derriere
I so love this tradition
I'm a gent on a mission
Shall I go on I asked, she screamed don't you dare!
by Robert O'Gorelick
My lil green party dress for Paddy’s day is too tight
and I don’t want to get pinched by elves tonight
I let out the seams
And removed all that blings
Clear of Leprechaun’s with a big whiskey appetite
by I Am Anaya
Out on the razzle for Saint Patrick’s night
All dressed up in green, one has to look right
I’ll do my high kicks
As I can’t resist
Being a dare devil, and giving fright
by Beryl Edmunds
OF ROY AND PINCH BANDITS
Claims Roy one day
to have been approached
by an angel of GOD
alleges the said angel
brought him news
news that he would pass to glory
complete with day and time...
Come the day... Roy
arranges meeting with cece..
.. his beloved siz..
Roy unable to confess..to cece..
the truth.. bout his departure
ROY goes to university next..
bids friends goodbye...
Roy goes to a stall
buys daughter five tuna fish cans..
a parting gift from a loving ROY...
Roy boards shuttle..
Roy sits next to lovely..
very lovely ladies....
Roy never one to let a pretty girl
escape untalked... says hello
girl snobs ROY.. Roy knows his end is near
decides to say last prayers..
asks GOD to send someone .. to deliver
the tuna to daughter..and his love regards
ROY is snatched sudden by deep sleep..
waves and waves of it.. ROY surrenders..
zones out.. awoken by a sharp mosquito bite..
..or is it butterfly.. looks everywhere..
lovely girl gives him a weird look..
shuttle conductor gives him a weirder look..
waves and waves of sleep swallow ROY..
Awoken by sharp bites.. many of them....
wakes.. now every ones.. giving sweet Roy..
very weird looks.. Swallowed by waves again..
bites starts... ROY keeps eyes closed.. twitching..
half asleep half awake.. distance laughs
more bites and more bites..twitching..
shuttle has reached.. ROY surprised he..
he still lives.. ROY tries to alight...
legs give way under him..
steadies himself then walks home..
ROY arrived home minus three cans of tuna..
with huge bumps to prove them biting...
after relating to us the story..
every ones burst... with stitches of laugh..
teasing ROY to death..OH... hes just met
the famous pinch bandits... Oh oh oh..
the pinch bandits
pretty girls they are
they way lay celebrities
who are too exhausted to
open their eyes.. pinch them
pinch them and again pinch mm..
and ROY day was finally come..home
Lewis K Nyaga
0239 eastafrican maritime
A Different Pinch
Key left by Charlie Sheen
Allowed the theft of his Mercedes so keen.
Cops came like so many times before,
But this time he stayed to close his house door.
A pinch of salt or even two
never enough, just will not do
But let it rain down, pour it on in
you'll get ulcers faster than with Mr. Clean
The sweet spot's somewhere in between ~
sodium bicarbonate and 'buttered pretzelines'
On the Who Net a rumor was making its way
the mean old green Grinch planned to steal Christmas Day!
Cindy Lou Who(who was not more than two)
and all the Who kids knew just what they'd do.
Thus on Christmas Eve they all went to bed
like angels—parents didn't care what they'd said!
The kids all kept watch out their windows that night
just waiting for “Green Ass” to come into sight,
which he did as I'm sure it's not hard to guess
so they had their stuff ready to get in his mess.
He came into Cindy Lou Who's window first;
she was so excited she practically burst!
But she had her air gun loaded and ready
and looked through the cross hairs right good and steady.
Before the Grinch entered not one leg, but two
she'd leveled her weapon right at his “Hoo-Hoo”!
He not only screamed like a banshee from hell
he jumped from the house and ran off as well.
The other Who kids knew what to do, too:
they jumped from their windows and shouted, “Guess Who?”
They shot him in just the same place Cindy hit,
with all the abuse it had grown quite a bit!
They kept shooting and shooting as he quickly ran
like a big old wet booger they'd tossed in the can!
It wasn't his heart that three sizes grew,
but his now-swollen, green-tighted, throbbing Hoo-Hoo!
The Next morning Who Christmas came after all,
with all of the new toys the kids had a ball!
The Grinch was not seen again by the Who;
with a Hoo-Hoo that swollen, I'd stay home too!
11/26/17
Silly Dilly in pursuit of school
Always late which was not very cool
Two legs in his pants
Broke out in a dance
Oh, how that zipper was so damn cruel
Because I'm not wearing green on Saint Patrick's Day, a man gave me a pinch and I gave him a punch.
I hit that moron so hard in the stomach that he lost his lunch.
About an hour ago, another man pinched me and I kicked him in the crotch.
He fell down and started crying like a two year old, he deserved what he got.
Nobody else had better pinch me for not wearing green.
I'll kick your butt if you pinch me because I'm very mean.
(This is a fictional poem.)