Best Paunch Poems

Ted’s libido has now gone astray
He refused a quick roll in the hay
So what could be the cause -   
It’s the male menopause   
He’s been grumpy and snappy all day!
 
His testosterone levels have dropped  
Many Viagra pills he has...

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Writing anything political can throw fuel on a fire,
but these Limericks are not meant to ignite anyone.
Just a bit of humor in my opinion. Yes, we all have one. 

A Musk rat and a vengeful dog
Both wantin' to be called Boss Hogg
In a rocket they'll...

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My little grandson is sincere.
He tells of me: “Grandpa stinks!”;
He tells of me; “Grandpa’s belly is big!”;
“He looks like Santa Claus with his paunch!”;
“And stinks too, he smells bad!”.
So, since he is sincere, I have no choice.
As a flower, I am the huge Rafflesia,
The largest...

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DISGUSTING COMMERCIAL

As one gets older things begin to sag
Belly hangs over, energy lags

Better take thought for your health old man
Heed this add, start our diet plan

Oh, there’s fat-free, sugar-free, freedom from gas
Beach ball bloating a thing of the past

Darlene B,, bikini beauty, she lost fifty
From...

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And after had passed the two enraged by
On which I had before pointed my sight,
I turned to others evil-born my eye.

I saw one, who the form of lute have might,
If he the groin in full had only had
Truncated from the man fork left to right.

His...

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The grumpy principal athwart the class
is walloping the learner ad infinitum
with his computer cable,
and screeching his lungs out
his wrath and his tranquilities;
he says she’s late for school yet again.

Madly she pulls across the desks;
pleads for pity in pigsty floors,
whilst he despite his heavy paunch
chases and...

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Dame Judy Dench
Loves to fish for Tench
When she fixes her motor
She uses a wrench
If she’s feeling tired she sits down on a bench,
DJD is polylingual;
Her favourite language is French,
When she has a pooh in the morning
It causes a stench
DJD is a strong woman,
When Germans talk...

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ON  BEING  A  SAUSAGE  ROLL

Our other sausage acquaintances are real –
Flavoured, pigmented, heated
By boiling or frying :
They have their dignity, though they too be eated.

Our natural features, our inner glories,
Are pastry-coated and abide
In small bags from ye take-away,
All similar and eaten...

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Villanelle: French Gourmand once sailed to the Isle of Ewe
  
     Dedicated to the great French actor, Off Course!

French Gourmand once sailed to the Isle of Ewe
Must you invite high breeds to the Hebrides
To maggis shellfish wine said: I love...

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They're known by many names - taters, potatos, pertaters and spuds.
As a Hoosier lad I toiled hoein' taters and flickin' bugs off their buds!
So I was very well qualified when I entered the service, by and large,
When 'volunteered' for kitchen police to peel taters by...

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Part Two

To have written is to leave but a mark
  nothing stands for the proud rhyming syllables
    more than his acquired business acumen
a Vaishya karmic hope

Now we stand aghast before this edifying monument
      and verily wonder...

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The way to cook up a good Limerick
Is to add the right words, then simmer it
But if it begets raunch
That’s unfit for your paunch
Then I wouldn’t touch it for dinner, ick!


         -and for dessert-


My gal loves to...

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Oh, you do not want to know my tale,
But since you insist, I guess I'll just tell,

Originally from mystical India -- not Rome!
Some 30 years ago made the USA my home,

I revere Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, Krishna
But keep my faith in love, peace and karma,

I read...

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Ralph the garbage rummaging raccoon, found Nipper the cat at Buttermilk Saloon,
he had been suddenly sadly jilted and bleeding heart was extremely wilted.
Decided to stay out with the toms all night, to avoid a cat lover’s feline fight,
she saw him with her cousin in the...

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FOOD COURT

She isn’t beautiful
No knockout
Maybe it’s the surroundings
She is surrounded by –
Age
Business freaks
Overweight teens    in ragged jeans
On the other hand
Exotica is well dressed
White blouse
Black skirt
Heels    which soften rather large calves
And her hair is long    black
 ...

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