Best Ouch Poems
A nudist whose first name was Billy
Got stung by a bee on his willy
It swelled to a great size
One he couldn’t disguise
So he hid by a meadow lily
03~08~17
My hubby just fell out of bed
He banged his elbow and his head
Now I can hear groaning
Expletives and moaning
I’m certain that he isn’t dead!
Only the first line is true – last night we watched a programme on how easily people lie but on this occasion I would call this poetic licence
10/10/18
Sir Isaac Newton
didn't think gravity was fun,
when at the tree he did slump,
from an apple that caused a lump.
For "You who....Yo, Clerihew" contest sponsored by Catie Lindsey.
In Sherwood Forest Friar Tuck
Fell down a ditch where he got stuck
Astride a broken branch
And, yes, I have a hunch
He waddles now like Donald Duck!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Contest: Make Me Laugh
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Placed 3rd
Posted 25th November 2020
OUCH!
Fists fly
Black eye
08~11~14
Written for WRITE A FOOTLE contest sponsored by Judy Konos
~awarded 1st place~
He was playing glorious baseball in the sun!
His family jewels got cup-checked scoring a home-run!
His mother let out a loud yell!
While to his knees, he so painfully, fell.
July 29, 2018
3pm PST
Once, a girl in my tip-top prime was I,
not much sleep needed after a lullaby-
contoured figure with toned legs and buns,
gym at 6am just to show off my guns.
Now morns are as rough as a sty in my eye.
Rising early can be so unbearable,
but back then it wasn’t so terrible-
I’d leap with a pep in my step with a tune
in my head awaiting my nap at noon.
Now that alarm I hear is not comparable!
“OUCH! IT HURTS!” that buzzing sound.
The unrelenting noise does astound
me when I try my best to get up early morn,
eyes water and my forlorn body worn.
No time for laundry when your bed bound.
In the summer I awake at almost one,
demanding nights, so much to get done!
I used to be able to sleep much less,
now darkness in the morn does cause stress-
I can’t stand rising earlier than the sun!
for contest COLLABORATION sponsored by Line Gauthier
August 10, 2019
A Little Girl Ouch
We were jumping on the bed real high ~ Laughing, my big sister and I, being together, having fun. She would sometimes land on her bottom ~ but I was only three and that was too scary to me Then instead of coming back up, she grabbed my legs ~ down I went ~ right onto the headboard. Oh! Ouch! I hit my head ~ there was blood everywhere. My sister started crying so I did too. Mama came running. When she saw me she turned white then scooped me up…off to the hospital. I don’t remember the doctor or getting the stitches. Mama said I was a brave. I have a scar going through by left eyebrow as a reminder not to jump on beds.
sometimes it would be
fun to do something daring
without getting hurt
Half-blind Billy hunts for hot chicks
and drools for big tall girls, his picks.
But grabbing a gal—
turns out it was Hal—
got Billy jaw-busting hard licks.
written October 7, 2016
Time, night, and sleep, I could not tell,
For down on the bathroom tiles, I fell
I hit my head but not so bad,
My hand, my muse screeched “are you mad,
What have you done”, confused, in pain
I looked, down at our hand, a monster
Glared at me, broken, swollen, angry and red,
“Wake up first don’t sleepwalk from bed,”
Hubby rushed for he heard me scream,
Called our son for this needed two, a family team
Dressed and wrapped me up, my hand, cried,
“Careful ouch" my muse sadly said,
"Its three degrees outside, a cold winter night”
I was in shock do not remember all, I got a fright,
Carefully I was bundled in the car and taken
To our nearest Emergency Department.
X -Ray’s on the double, diagnosis broken wrist.
My muse was still muttering, did you say something,
Asked the doc about pain,
There will be an injection soon,
No, I hastily replied, I merely said it looks like rain.
I had an injection on my bum,
The following morning an injection to succumb,
To the anesthetic at 7.30 am.
The photo hubby took of me shows I have no pain,
In my snazzy theater gown, which are always so plain.
10 days later stitches out, my baby elephant tattoo,
I noticed surprisingly was joined up like a puzzle by,
The greatest Orthopedic Surgeon I have ever,
known, heard of, or seen.
I am typing with my broken wrist, have a guard I wear.
Oh I’m “sorry, so sorry” said a little voice,
“I’m your, Muse we're one, I know,
You have the same pain as I,
Do you believe me as I look into your eye”
We both got a shock,
Walk mindfully is my motto,
Hey, I ditto,
You on that,
I’ll warn you and you warn me,
And together from danger we’ll
Always be free.
A man found himself in a pickle
When his girlfriend found he was fickle
He said "won't you stay"
She said "there's no way"
As she took his head off with a sickle.
Josette Key 2010
Low battery
In the wee hours of the morn
She was torn between two pillows;
Pure ecstasy escalates;
A blinking Indicator become
A disruptive behavior: suddenly
A dishonorable discharge
ouch! sorry low battery.
Santa went down a chimney in Twin Creeks
Now sadly he can't sit down for two weeks
Because what he didn't know
Was the embers were aglow
Giving him third degree burns on both cheeks.
A Fun Holiday Limerick Poetry Contest
Written on 14th November 2022
Sponsored by Tania Kitchin
Syllables checked on how many syllables .Com
So I’ve heard that some kids are bullying each other
Over not having really expensive shoes or clothing cover
Wow.
When did we get so shallow?
If you have to mentally scar someone
Shouldn’t it be over something that actually matters?
Religious and political hate crimes
Seem almost justified
By comparison.
9_9
Branding?
Well.
I’m not a cow.
I don’t need any singular mark to own me.
I think I’ve made up at least three
Or more different designs that could be.
Because art is fun.
I support “freeze branding” over burn branding, by the way.
It’s nicer to the bovines.
Buying generic is much smarter and cheaper.
Don’t get burned by brands. Heehee
I can talk about brand names here, like the cow-cruel Burger King,
Precisely because I’m not published in a book.
That would require legal wrangling.
Red tape that ensnares like a cowboy a rodeo calf
This is just my online space to talk.
Like a blog.
But with rhythm.
Now, I do hope to get a book made anyway,
(Know anyone who might be interested?)
(I also want to do some accompanying illustrations.)
But that’ll probably only be the poems that give such specific names no mention.
Do you say "Ouch" when you're all by yourself
and there's no one to hear the pain?
Do you say "Oops!" when you're there all alone
and you know the wine's gonna stain?
Do you say "I love you" when she walks in the door
though you're actually hot for Sharlene?
Do you say "But what'll I do?" when she goes
out the door and doesn't come in again?
Do you say you're sorry when really you're not,
but it's the only thing that'll do
To bring her back home to share in your lot
of ouches and oopses, the old deja vu?
Do you say you love her because
that Sharlene has just shot through
with some other guy from the job?
Do you say that you love her a lot...
and you've been all along
meaning to...?
Then do.