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Of Fatalism

Mrs. Bard's Boys A Spoof of the British Broadcasting Castration's Hit Sitcom Mrs. Brown's Boys Ladies and Gentlemen-- Mrs. Bard! The Opening Theme Song Say hello to the love of Mr. Bard! Eb3 F3 G3 G3 G3 Ab3 G3 Eb3 C3 Bb2 As his wife, she's a punster and a card! Eb3 F3 G3 G3 G3 Ab3 G3 Eb3 C4 Bb3 A logical teacher to her chicks! Bb3 Ab3 G G Ab3 Ab3 Ab3 Ab3 Ab3 A sassy ol' Irish gal o' tricks! Ab3 G3 F3 F3 G3 G3 G3 G3 G3 It's a sure bet G3 F3 Eb3 Eb3 she'll never yet G3 F3 Eb3 Eb3 let down her guard! G F Eb3 F3 That's Mrs. Bard! Ab3 G3 F3 Eb3 Our Mrs. Bard! Ab3 G3 F3 Eb3 Hi, Mrs. Bard! Ab3 G3 F3 Eb3 Episode 1 "Mammy Fatale" "Mornin', Eddie. Want a cup o' tea, son?" "No, thanks, Mammy, I need to get to class. Today's me test on Fate. I gotta run." "Fate, you say. (Another test he won't pass.) "Says who!?!" "Me feckin' crystal ball, Gobsh*te! It sees the future when you're by the loo at Foley's Bar each night so bleedin' tight you're shaggin' every pissed slag in the queue-- without a rubber Johnny, I might add-- explainin' why your willie stinks like cheese-- Sweet Christ! Not even Grandad's stank so bad till it rotted off from that clap disease-- And just like Grandad you shagged that same slag--" "Which one?" "That tied Father Damien up--" "The one that nicked me schoolbooks and me bag?" "And fed the father's willie to your pup--" "The pit you give me just this Christmas last?" "No, Eddie, that one we had to commit. The other pit--the rabid one that passed on ravagin' me feckin' holy writ-- which that whingin' kite that came circlin' in with that kettle of mingin' vultures straight ate out of the bin as if it was sin itself it was lickin' clean off the plate!" "O, Mammy! Please! Pray, speak to me no more! Thee words like daggers enter in me ears!" "All right, Eddie. No need to quote the Bore. Sit down and have your tea, you bastard. Cheers!" The Happy Ending Mammy's Epilogue "Ah, children! All misunderstanding 'fate'-- or 'hard-determinism' I should say-- for Logic's rules each 'randomness' negate while Physics shows the Causal Law at play throughout one universe comprising space and quantum particles with no free will-- the facts poor Eddie frankly needs to face, or stay an eejit like ol' Grandad still-- the cosmos being just one big machine, which smooth runs ever in its clockwork course, while if the clock's wee workings man could glean, a pre-set future he should know perforce; though sans a crystal ball, why be distressed-- since Reasoning may help you pass the test!" * * * a dedication of Respect for fair play a revolving helios dramatic dialogue in rhyme/shakespearean sonnet/parody/song/menippean satire august, 2022--the humble American bard unrivaled yet circling the vulture circling with its kettle . . . "this or that, vol. 30" poetry contest this of fatalism sponsor eddie ibeh august 9, 2022

Copyright © | Year Posted 2022

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