More Than Just Butterflies
What! An Eid family gathering?
Another social event?
I can’t live through all the chattering!
Not going is time well spent.
Mom, please! Don’t drag me there!
You know well we’ve tried a gazillion times already,
I’ll be left in despair!
My face will turn red and I’ll be sitting there awkwardly.
Mom, for God’s sake, help me!
The voice inside keeps screaming, I’m crying,
Why can’t you hear me plea?
You think I’m fine, but really I’m dying.
I forget where I am as the door is shut and you leave the room,
After telling me all the horribly horrid breaking news.
I feel myself collapsing and I rush quick to the bathroom.
That news wasn’t meant to brake me, but here I am with the blues.
Stress and burden make an entry,
The racing and queasy heartbeat,
Then panic, making me wary.
My life has fallen to my feet.
Why can’t my life always remain permanently perfect?
There’s almost always something that fleetly ruins the untarnished!
I stare myself at the mirror until I can’t connect,
How I’m not who I used to be 4 years ago, someone I miss.
Whether it be days, weeks,
Even a month before the event,
There’ll be tear stained cheeks,
Alongside sleepless nights and torment.
Those nights I’m praying to God, the best disposer of affairs!
He will never leave me empty handed,
Have faith they say, the Almighty is bound to accept prayers.
I hope it works out how I intended.
I’m at serenity after a couple prayers.
Naturally, the overwhelming tension keeps coming back.
All my strength is vanished when I’m swallowed in my fears.
It’s the anxiety that returns when the room is pitch black.
It’s the day of the event, I don’t want to leave bed.
Too suddenly it’s become the world’s most comforting place.
I’m hoping something would happen, I hope to be dead.
I try thinking of excuses without being a disgrace.
A ring of the phone is what gets me out of bed.
I pray one last time that God listens to my plea.
“They have cancelled the event!” says my mom with dread.
My world lights up, I’m dancing in utter glee.
I’m saved from humiliation,
And low self-esteem.
From the social isolation,
Well now I can breathe!
I can finally be my true self,
No need to please anyone.
Grab yourself a book on the bookshelf,
This time my prayers worked out.
One day I’ll face my fears,
But only on this beautiful day,
I’ll let that be in years,
So together let’s shout out hurray!
Copyright © Farzeen Rashid | Year Posted 2020
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