I declare this little body.
My Substance –
Unholy sanctuary for little thoughts,
The only place for night’s retire
To draw the curtains – growing hair.
Wired to lofty beams by absence,
Drug of setting sun –
Now bed I a sanctuary of echoes,
Resounding in the lonely core,
I am become the nightmare walking.
I am Creature –
Who creeping, peoples,
This unbroken dawn.
sober now,
and every second screams louder than the last.
the silence i begged for
now drips like acid through my spine.
when i was high,
the world floated —
hazy, dull-edged,
a soft lie i could breathe in.
without choking on memory.
without shaking from truth.
but now i wake up
to light too sharp for eyes that have seen too much,
and sleep with shadows that whisper
every name i try to forget.
they say this is healing.
they say pain is proof i'm alive.
but if this is life —
raw, bleeding,
a wound i carry like a badge —
then maybe i liked dying better.
i miss the numbness.
i miss the nothing.
it was kinder
than this endless parade
of remembering
everything
i ever did
just to feel okay.
Yellow eyes and nicotine patches
Screaming goodbye
Losing yesterday's matches
Forgetting that
I
Am
Not
The
Same
Shaking arms hurting elbows tingling face
Numb.
Changed. Changing.
My skin would disagree.
Carve scratch cut bite pinch
Burn twist writhe
Agony agony agony agony agony
I will scream your name into the sea
Forlorn forlonging greet me
Greet me
I damn you, God
Greet me.
Never enough
Never
Enough
Never enough.
My stomach is twisting and vomit rises in my throat.
Cigarette ash drops from shaking fingertips
Tears drop from haunted, window wide eyes
Spiraling through withdrawal
Again
I still myself in the hallowed dream of light and love.
In the significant withdrawal of time, holding my breath
I breathe in the silence, stillness and sound.
I silently dwell in the rapturous becoming
Of the unhindered, unbridled emotions---
Holding myself in the chilling sphere of fear.
In the gnawing acoustics of survival----
Allowing every ounce of stillness measure
Every inch of my depth---
I make my way towards freedom and glory
Through the spirit of surrender to benevolent Time.
my comrades are asleep
i love this
gives me a writing opportunity
i had withdrawal symptoms yesterday
no cartooning
no painting
no writing
i feel more like myself now
Watching you go through withdrawal
Seeing you suffer like your skin crawls
Never have I been so proud
You are stronger now laying on the ground
How do you wonder as you’re in pain
But the thunder of your heart is changed
You refuse to be a house of ill repute
For drink drugs and evil spirits so loose
You have kept your word and fight each urge
To use again and fly like blue bird
Instead you bravely stay on the ground
Where flowers grass love at last are found
I need a withdrawal;
From the Heart of God;
That's the only bank I need y'all;
Just non-monetary, just unconditional love, always;
I need a withdrawal;
From the Heart Bank of God:
2/10/23
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr 2023
Arnold Palmer was knock-kneed
when he addressed the ball
President Clinton smoked weed
yet said he never inhaled at all
Tiger Woods fell in love with a Swede
though their marriage did sputter and fall
President Biden's been known to mislead
folks ~ He's still 'that senator' with a drawl
Cinnamon and smoke;
The cologne I taste
all over your neck
it swims in my mind;
Intoxicating;
Phantom smells
just out of reach,
Aromatics;
I’m relapsing;
Ravenous
withdrawal
consumes me
I drown
inside
you.
I'm a little paranoid
Just like an Android
That's about to get hit by an astroid
I woke up dead
There's a snake in my bed
Beads of sweat dripping off my forehead
Time stands still When you feelin ill
I think I'll take one more pill
Crush it up and try not to spill
Keepin it real you know the deal
I knocked on my friends door
He said nope no more
I passed out and hit the floor
I'm shocked and Disturbed
It was the Craziest thing I ever heard
I ordered some drugs online
They arrived right on time
I couldn't believe they were all mine
I Locked myself in the bathroom
Around noon and then boom
I hear a knock It's the cops
My heart stops
I'm looking at 15 years tops
Key lime pie withdrawal
Not as easy as it sounds
Especially if you are totally addicted.
I can walk past pumpkin all day long
And not dig into it with a tablespoon.
If it has whipped cream, I might take a bite.
Who am I kidding?
Let’s put it where it lives.
If it has sugar, it is mine.
And get out of the way!
During enduring winter rain
the small bird cheeping
his only wish of certain warmth
ducks out of the sheeting rain - each
grain aimed an icy dart poignantly
tipped with a hardening past -
into the chimney duct through
too-small a hole for use again,
tweaking his wish to certain flames,
some sorta luck, and, suddenly drained,
to sync with the rain
Wide awake in bed
Feeling so afraid
For I'm at the brink
Of getting another drink
Drowning in the deep
Oh, I cannot sleep
For I'm at the brink
Of getting another drink
Depressed and downcast
How long would this last?
For I'm at the brink
Of getting another drink
RIGHT NOW
IF ONLY
I COULD TOUCH YOUR FACE
TRACE IT WITH MY FINGERTIPS
FEEL YOUR HEART BEATING
SO CLOSE
IN SYNCHRONICITY
YOUR BREATH UPON MY NECK
HANDS
EVERYWHERE
THE THOUGHT BRINGS TEARS
YOU ARE SO FAR
IN DISTANCE
BUT YOU ARE HERE
BESIDE ME
ALWAYS.
2000
Only solitude and pain,
Can blend into such beautiful damage.
Poetry,
A stage,
A crowd.
I was my own creator and destroyer.
I opened deep parts of myself,
For strangers in dim light.
The applause silenced the sound of the ever_forming cracks in my heart,
The silence allowed my sorrow to have a voice.
The mic painted the pictures loudly,
Three rounds on stage,
Three circles to run around my head.
But I can write,
About the beautiful girl backstage,
Who used her smile as a shield from sympathy.
A warm heart,
Facing an avalanche.
A rose,
Torn apart by her own thorns.
Beautiful voice,
Ugly echoes.
She was beautiful,
She still is.
Or the guy beside me.
Master of language,
Slave to pain.
Or the other guy.
Loud eyes,
Silent voice.
Short poem,
Long story.
It was just yesterday,
But tomorrow drags it further away from today and it makes me sad.
I hope I never get used to the feeling.
I got used to depression,
Now am too weak to die.
If I get used to happiness,
I might be too weak to smile.
It's poetry,
It's drugs,
Am having,
A freaking hangover.
Elliepoet
Related Poems