The spider delighted
At the girl he had frighted
As he sat all alone on the tuffet
He gobbled the cheese
Without saying please
As a swipe of a large hand did buffet
The spider did sigh
Questioning why
He now had to scarper and rough it
If only he'd known
That the girl had now grown
No longer was she little miss muffet
When quite contrary crashed on Mary
And the pan hit Peter's head
They found Humpty Dumpty and the over the moon cow
Lying in the courtyard dead
And when Mary's tuffet was bit by a Muffet
The Incy Wincy spider ran
Mary ran too, in fact, she almost flew
When she saw the spider on her little lamb
“Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey,
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.”
After a long vacation a little girl called Miss Muffet and her family
returned home at night. They realized the house needs cleaning that
they decided to do in the morning. Meanwhile, mother served Miss
Muffet bowl of curd and whey. She sat comfortably on a soft tuffet,
and as she was about to take the first spoonful of her favorite treat,
a big spider descended from the window sill where it had built a web
when the house was empty. The eight-legged creepy creature was
attracted by the scent of the snack. So, it came down and sat beside
Miss Muffet. Suddenly, a fly whizzed in from nowhere and crawled
up the bowl. The swift spider ran fast across the arm of Miss Muffet,
and pounced on its prey that disappeared within its mouth. The fast
moving scaring scenario frightened Miss Muffet, and she ran away.
Upset and hungry, she could not sleep that night.
Before Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
And before Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
From all the king's horses
All the king's men
Had to pick up all the manure once again
Before Little Jack Horner, sat in his corner
Eating his Christmas pie
And before he stuck in his thumb
to pull out a plumb
Jack's thing had got caught in his fly
Before Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet,
eating her curds and whey
She captured the spider that sat down beside her
When she pooped behind a bail of old hay
Before Jack and Jill, ran up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack wrote out his will
"Cause Jill said- "I will"
And she told him she was the king's daughter
Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
When along came a spider,
And sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
She was frightened so bad,
She forgot that she had,
The food still in her hand.
She tripped on the stair,
And sailed through the air,
Flew five feet before she’d land.
She started screaming and crying,
Like she was probably dying,
Her wailing could be heard everywhere.
When her mom came running out,
To see what all the fuss was about,
She approached the young girl with care.
Muffet lay on the ground,
Her face in a frown,
And a bowl of sour milk in her hair.
I have to confess,
There’s no moral I guess,
If there was one, it would be that life isn’t fair.
With her tiny tummy rumbling, she stood quaking in the wood that surrounded her dear father's dairy farm. The white, porcelain bowl and the silver spoon lay on the ground, along with her scrumptious cottage cheese. So hungry was she, and that black, furry arachnid was still giggling, dangling above her tufted chair. She felt a tantrum coming on. She was so mad with hunger. Little Molly stamped her feet and stormed back to her cushioned seat, and ate that mean, old tarantula up!
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
There came a big spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two fifty
don't tell me they went up for water!
Georgie Porgie
kissed the girls and made them cry,
now he has to register as a sex offender.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
to get her dog a bone,
went she bent over, Rover came over
and gave her a bone of her own!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a bad fall
a victim of bullying!
3 blind mice see how they run
Farmers wife was armed with mace!
Little Miss Muffet sat on a Tuffet
eating curds & whey
along came a spider,
and she beat the crap out of it!
Mary Mary quite contrary,
the broad was hard to get along with!
Jack be nimble Jack be quick
Jack was too slow and he
burnt his naughty bits!
Little Bo Peep lost a sheep,
check in with the horny teenage
farm boy next door.
Grown Miss Muffet put “tuffet” on display
family quickly denounced her as a stray
Muffet found bike rider
who called himself Spider
and, after curds, he and she sped a-whey
May 12, 2023
A tisket, a tasket
He peed in her basket
He stuck in his thumb
Is he ever dumb
She sat on a tuffet
Muffet couldn't 'rough it'
Jill went up the hill
Jack sure got a thrill
Peas porridge hot
Hits her sweet spot
The Prince put on her slipper
Then dove right into her
If you think this is too daring ~
Read what your grandkids are sharing
So let me get this straight
(if I can use that word
in a totally non-offensive way)
Jack and Jill now get bottled water
Delivered.
Little Bo Peep
Keeps her sheep on leash
And cleans up after them.
The Three Billy Goats Gruff
And the troll
Play Bridge
The Ugly Duckling
Can no longer identify
As a Swan
Hansel and Gretel
Take the “witch”
To the spa
For a steam and sauna
Little Miss Muffet
Moved her tuffet
To a “spider free” zone
The “Big Bad Wolf”
Is now with “IT”
Trouble shooting
Grandma’s laptop
After installing 5G
Internet access
For the Three Little Pigs.
And the Three bears
Take Goldilocks
To IKEA.
John G. Lawless
©3/29/2023
Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Wiling her time away
She heard some shooting
Of course, it was Putin
Egging his puppets on.
She did not know them
So she did not show them
Any sign of fear,
Her innocent face
As she made them a place
Saying, puppets come over here
They loosened their strings
And started to sing
Together in harmony
Sitting together
Like birds of a feather
Peaceful, Happy and Free
Do you remember the rhyme, Miss Muffet,
About the little girl that sat on a tuffet,
She didn't run away,
She decided to stay,
She sat on the spider and snuffed it!
Your Enchanting Face
My love surrounds each little breath
from your enchanting face,
as you rest.
Two teething teeth,
big soft eyes.
Your hair still hides.
Will you always stay this size?
Little baby, you are so soft and round.
Someday little toes will touch the ground.
You made another sweet sound.
I can still carry you around.
A tuffet, a teapot, diddle diddle dee
How blessed I am that you came to me.
Your dolly,
your crayons,
your books
and
songs,
promise you'll never stay away too long.
My love surrounds each little breath
from your enchanting face
as you rest.
In peace she consumes curds and whey
Miss Muffet on tuffet will stay
The spider retreats
While she giggles and eats
Now armed with a can of bug spray
Author's note: Apologies to mother goose. I never liked the original. I thought it was a destroyer of childhood innocence.
Why can't we enjoy what we do without being bothered? I don't dislike spiders, and I hope the original author of the nursery rhyme was just trying to point out how silly distractions occur when we are afraid.
On the other hand, an allegorical view makes the spider out to be something sinister--like a member of the Trump family, one of the members of Congress purveying the big lie, or Russian propaganda trying to divide us. They can all be dealt with if we just come to our senses.
It was a good morning until Jack and Jill went up the hill.
It was a good morning until we got the call that Humpty Dumpty sat upon the wall.
It was a good morning until Little Bo Beep has lost her sheep.
It was a good morning until in the town we heard that London Bridge is falling down.
It was a good morning until we heard, hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle.
It was a good morning until Little Ms. Muffet Sat on a tuffet.
It was a good morning until Jack Sprat could eat no fat.
It was a good morning until Peter, Peter pumpkin eater had a wife and could not keep her.
It was a good morning until Hickory Dickory dock the mouse ran up the clock.
It was a good morning until we heard the shout that the itsy-bitsy spider went up the waterspout.
It was a good morning until we heard about five little monkeys jumping on the bed, one fell off and bumped his head.
It was a good morning until in the land Mary had a little lamb.
Wednesday, February 17, 2021.
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