Long Tuffet Poems

“The History of a Wasted Mind”

 

What goes through the mind of a recidivist
Fist full of hate and hurt marking time
Fist full of history, got down with the dirt
The History of a Wasted Child
The History...

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Let’s have a lil fun. Let’s see how many of these you remember.
If you know, you know (Smile)

Little Boy Blue come blow your horn…
Jack be Nimble, Jack be quick
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Little Bo...

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Life is not a nursery rhyme
Once upon a time, not too long ago
Children were safe wherever they go
Playing and skipping ‘til way after dark
Dancing and singing in the play park

Ring-a-ring-a-rosy
Where did she go, the girl...

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Goodness me, fiddle dee dee and la de dah
Mary turned into a black sheep, baa baa baa
That naughty little lamb
Has contrived a big scam
She's gone too far astray and has lost her way

Mary's been tinkering...

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Miss Muffet sat upon a velvet stool
I know 'twas a tuffet; learned that in school
But Muffy was the tart
Who broke the spider's heart
I'm telling the story, so shut up, fool!

Humpty Dumpty had no wisdom at...

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Commander In Chief On His High Horse Haint Budge'n

American democracy go'n
     to hell at light speed
breaking into a bajillion pieces
     tuffet in a handbasket
   ...

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An evil spider dropped down from behind. Help me! Help Me! She cried!
Oh white Knight… Can you save me? I’m on my tuffet trying to make a rip tide.
Where is he? Where is he? I...

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If Peter Piper picked a pack of pickled peppers, would you care?
Would the peck be put in a glass jar? What if he dropped a hair in there?
And, if Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet...

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Little Ms. Mommy broke her tuffet. You know, that white porcelain thingy.
She sat down too hard and you can believe, that it broke every seam, completely.
Now snickers started about and around the house, but that’s...

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mary had 
                                ...

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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Ok, that's about all I can say
That's the only truth to this story
The rest really happend this way

Muffet was only her nickname
Those who knew her called her, Myrtle
And the...

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It was a good morning until Jack and Jill went up the hill.
It was a good morning until we got the call that Humpty Dumpty sat upon the wall.
It was a good morning until Little...

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Rome wasn't built in a day
   Mexicans like saying "Ole!"
If your horse eats nothing but hay
   Teach him how to order on e-Bay

While terriers put sugar in their 'tay'
  ...

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A fairytale's life is not easy
And yet they never complain
We read their many adventures
And they always entertain

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall
Well, you know this is gonna hurt
He broke in a million pieces
As he tumbled...

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Little miss muffet sat on her tuffet
Alone with no one to play
Along came a spider that hid just behind her
Keeping well clear of the fray
Little jack horner who lived round the corner
Heard an ear piercing...

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Jack and Jill went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two fifty
don't tell me they went up for water!

Georgie Porgie 
kissed the girls and made them cry,
now he has...

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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating vegetable one day,
She warned Jack and Jill about the hill,but they still fell from idle play,
Emergency call the Fairy Godmother,tell her hurry with no delay,
She brought them...

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Your Enchanting Face     

    My love surrounds each little breath 
    from your enchanting face,
          ...

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In peace she consumes curds and whey
Miss Muffet on tuffet will stay
The spider retreats
While she giggles and eats
Now armed with a can of bug spray


Author's note: Apologies to mother goose. I never liked the original....

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So let me get this straight
(if I can use that word
in a totally non-offensive way)

Jack and Jill now get bottled water
Delivered.

Little Bo Peep
Keeps her sheep on leash
And cleans up after them.

The Three Billy Goats Gruff
And...

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There was an old lady
That lived in a shoe
Had so many kids
And adopted me too

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
I wish he'd stop
stealing my candle sticks

Little miss muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curd and way
I sat...

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With her tiny tummy rumbling, she stood quaking in the wood that surrounded her dear father's dairy farm. The white, porcelain bowl and the silver spoon lay on the ground, along with her scrumptious cottage...

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So when-Jack-and-Jill reached the top of the hill
Jack couldn't stand still (Tried to snatch a cheap thrill)
Kissed Jill on the mouth
(Things quickly went south)
Then Jack said to Jill...'Can looks really KILL?'

Okay, naughty boys and good...

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I twice shortchanged Warren one of the two “t”s in Buffett. I found Ogden Nash did a fine job with double letters in "The Lama".
That inspired me to write, in apology for slighting Mr. Buffett:

The...

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Little Warren Buffett
  sat on a tuffet
Counting his stocks
  and his bonds

Along came a crash
  and there went his stash
But it wasn't as bad
  as it sounds...

While others pulled out
 ...

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