Short Tuffet Poems

Ms. Muffet won’t lift off her tuffet.
Cream puffs and cheetos won’t help.
A spider is beside the point…

3/17/2020...

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Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey..
Along came a spider,
And sat down beside her,
And said, "is that stuff pro-biotic?...

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‘T was a young lass name of “Muffet”
Who always sat on her tuffet
- But was rough as a board
- All scarred and scored
Cause men kept trying to fluff it....

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Let me tell you bout Little Miss Muffet
Why she constantly sat on a tuffet
She was fooling around
With Wee Willie in town
And Wee Willie really did rough it...

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Do you remember the rhyme, Miss Muffet,
About the little girl that sat on a tuffet,
She didn't run away,
She decided to stay,
She sat on the spider and snuffed it!...

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The cantankerous old Mr. Muffet
spoke nonsense and lies from his tuffet.
When you think that I may  
wax apophatic to say
I would never insult him, go stuff it!
       ~...

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LIBERATED     FEMALE



Little Miss Muffet got up off her tuffet

And threw her curds  a-whey

That spider trying to sit beside her

Found that Miss Muffet had gone away....

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Said contrary and crabby Miss Muffet
“Hey eight-legs! Kiss my bare Tuffet!” 
From above and beyond, Charlotte dropped a fine line
And bit the old bag where the sun doesn’t shine…

For Andrea’s clerihew contest...

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Grown Miss Muffet put “tuffet” on display
family quickly denounced her as a stray
       Muffet found bike rider
       who called himself Spider
 and, after curds, he and she sped a-whey

May 12, 2023
...

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Mrs. Muffet sat on her tuffet
And complained it was too small
The spider beside  her lauged and said
"You're just wider, that's all"
So Mrs. Muffet got off her tuffet
And knocked that spider off the wall
Then she got a bigger tuffet, 
A new box of Twinkies
And promptly ate them all...

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Little Miss Muffett
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffett away.

Now for the adult part.
My dad's favorite 

Little Miss Muffett
Sat on her tuffett
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said........
"MOVE OVER BABE!"...

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Miss Muffet


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
After coming home from the pub

When up came a spider
And sat down beside her
So she smashed it to bits with a club

Now Caroline wouldn’t use
Wouldn’t deign to let loose
With a club - ‘cause she isn’t so thick

And it was not just a thump
No despatch with a bump
But sure death by a huge hockey stick!!!...

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i could be little bo peep
whose lost her sheep
but then i'd always know
where to find them

or little miss muffet
who sat on my tuffet
then came a spider
but it would only run away

or little jack horner
who sat in the corner
and corners are my forte
I've often heard them say

i could be jack or jill
my life goes up hill
and i often tumble
but no-one comes after....

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A tisket, a tasket
    He peed in her basket
  He stuck in his thumb
    Is he ever dumb

  She sat on a tuffet
    Muffet couldn't 'rough it'
  Jill went up the hill
    Jack sure got a thrill 

  Peas porridge hot
    Hits her sweet spot
  The Prince put on her slipper
    Then dove right into her

  If you think this is too daring ~
    Read what your grandkids are sharing...

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Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Wiling her time away
She heard some shooting
Of course, it was Putin
Egging his puppets on.
She did not know them
So she did not show them
Any sign of fear,
Her innocent face
As she made them a place
Saying, puppets come over here
They loosened their strings
And started to sing
Together in harmony
Sitting together
Like birds of a feather
Peaceful, Happy and Free...

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Then there is that other Jack who has
burned his posterior by his
tremendous leaping over
that hot candlestick, but
he is okay now
and ready for
another 
happy 
day.

And, who could forget Miss Muffet yet?
She of such terrible fright when
that silly old spider sat
too close to her tuffet.
Wouldn't you run off
if it were to
happen that
way for
you?

THE END ....   whew!  Glad that's over with .... smile...

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Poor Mister Tuffet
Gasps while stocks plummet,
Collecting his shell-shocked wits!

His hair stands on end
As the market descends
It is scaring Mr. Tuffet to bits!

He tucks into his mattress
His wealth and his assets
Now he sleeps with his ass on his funds!

(He is trying to "tuffet" out!!)



__________________________________________________________________
Inspired by John Freeman's Contest "Boistrous Comedy"...

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Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet 
drinking a mocha late, 
but when that old spider sat down beside her
she pulled out her Mace and let spray!

That arachnid took flight to her great delight 
having learned his lesson in spades.
Miss Muffet was tough not made of fluff 
her skills on defense made the grade.

Now this comely young Miss did indeed want a kiss
but not from a hairy old bug. 
The romance she sought would be dearly bought
by a guy that she actually dug....

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