When I painted this poster of my life
There was so much black and so much red
There was no yellow or blue
Just tan and blain
When the rainbow was cast
The shadows of what has been were colored
But what type of color was it
You see when darkness lurks all around
The grays seemed attractive to me
So what I saw as beauty was really ugly
How my life was then was no climb only falls
How do I fall if I won't climb that is the question that I needed to answer
When you step on those around it may seem you climb
You seem to reach the highest peak but the illusion is you really fall
Farther away from reality
It's a curse a self destruct button
It can only take you so far then the void locks you in
To put a poster out there of my life you would think it is no masterpiece but what is a masterpiece to you
To me it is what I try to color now
Life now as a canvas for change you see the blacker the canvas the whiter the reality could be
So take that brush the thoughts in you mind and search out for what a real work of art could look like in your own eyes because in the end that is all that really matters.
Commodities are less than what they were.
After two cuts, scissors unshackle.
Fresh threads fade or fray,
as if enchanted.
Barely worn kicks self-destruct
But she is the teacher.
In her cardboard shoebox,
keys of knowledge for learners.
Another drag... inhale, exhale, inhale, lungs fill with toxic smoke
another sip... fire glides down her aching throat
another croaking whisper to the one beside, although aloof and remote.
She laughs in the face of sorrow, trying in vain to hide behind her eyes
the sound is an open coffin, a high hysterical
plea filled cry
I imagine she has children, and the sweetness of love since nothing less can cause such hurt
For what we care for most, are the very things
we just can't desert
As much as we yearn to dislocate, hide and finally
push self~destruct
We are bound with soul ties that true love feverishly constructs
Unable to throw off these chains
connecting soul to soul
We walk about as Marley's ghost,
each link taking a toll.
For the ties are conducive to nightmares or dreams of lost loves
Imprinted on our hearts and minds, never fully leaving us.
Whether your Love is unrequited, or Love that stays true
You create the spirits that will forever haunt you.
so what if i did?
what would you do, what did you do?
you watched me self destruct, cave in from the bottom, vanish.
i've been blamed for being a coward, but believe me, i was banished.
with every step, a growing rift tears between.
a quiet space, infinitely small. a solitary shore.
in silent whispers and loud glares, love becomes unseen.
your eyes revert to how they were before they met mine.
as echoes fade, our voices fall with the sun and speak no more.
the laughter we once shared softly quiets, like petals from roses gliding through the wind.
so as i step forward, a somber feeling of acceptance, my feelings suprisingly do not rescind.
that slight, but blinding light has vanished from your eye.
as life continues, as does the cycle. whatever lives must eventually die.
farewell love, it was good while it lasted, although not physical, this is our final embrace.
i let you go, you are set free. you belong to the world once more.
but know this, there would've been a spot for you in the chambers of my heart forever, in time and space.
as my breath quiets down, my body runs cold, remember i love you always. you can visit me, you still have the keys to my door.
A road to nowhere is all they construct
He who blindly follows will self-destruct
We awaken at dawn just to suffer
For many, life couldn’t be any tougher
Their dark cunning plans brought to light
The road to dystopia now glaringly bright
No real care for our sons and daughters
The evidence is in the poisoned waters
Treasured values slowly erode away
Degrading further day after day
People are just sacrificial pawns
To the maniacal of societies higher echelons
Billions spent to find that cancer cure
Trillions more needed, my good sir
A doctor’s visit may set you right
Treat your symptoms for the next fortnight
To a violent world they gravitate
The hidden hand doesn’t hesitate,
The deceived are marched off to war
To adorn their brothers in blood and gore
This digital age is one big prison cell
No more coins to drop in the wishing well
Just another languishing, unanswered dream
That, unfortunately, one cannot redeem
It is instinctive,
No parent can help it,
If cotton wool is in the house,
A parent will find it.
When single we don't see a need for it,
But as soon as that little bundle of joy arrives,
It is added to the must have list.
It has caused many a marriage to self-destruct,
And should only be used as directed,
Preferably by a maiden Aunt,
Or understanding grandparents,
Who were brought up on a farm.
Of course there are dangers to protect children from,
But sooner or later the real world beckons.
Preparing them to live in it requires less cotton Wool,
And more risk management teaching.
But before you throw out all the cotton wool,
Experts agree that it may be,
The only thing to keep them safe,
From Danger in the virtual world.
My veins are the schematics
My conscience the pragmatics
A nuclear weapon that’s omnifarious
Self destruct the one that’s multifarious
Many parts no two the same
Doesn’t mean I’m not painfully plain
Nothing about me is distinctive
Identical and parallel, anatomy’s instinctive
So why am I so self-destructive?
You don’t need to be quite deductive
Deduce the reason and the people pleasing
My consciousness requires easing
Rhymes makes the feelings and words coalesce
Does it really makes you digress?
Words made up of morphemes
Feelings made up of morphines
Nothing without you has meaning
It isn’t held it’s given without demeaning
My schematics look better inkless
Don’t want my veins to circulate just ingress
FINISHING LINE
It’s only temporary they say!
It’s not the solution it’s a contribution
You steal from people you love!
You steal precious time
You self destruct, they scream
You around! You whore!
You have nothing!
You are nothing!
Your life is a mess
Be strong be great
Can’t you be like this or that one!
It’s the road you chose!
You went out looking for it!
You wanted it!
You weak
You sad
You pathetic
Yes! I am all this and I don’t care anymore
My life was stolen
I am just trying to get to the finishing line!
("Eye of Newt", 2020, original encaustic)
All Things Fall Apart (aka Everything is Nothing)
All things fall apart
because all things
naturally self-destruct
as entropy exerts its shadowy force.
Order, or whatever we posit as non-chaos
is thus fleeting
held up by causes and conditions
that are themselves fleeting.
Thus the shadow of non-existence
permeates all form, all thought,
all notion of existence,
as its true nature.
All things fall apart
through self-destruction
because they never existed
in the first place.
What is this shadowy entropy?
A lack at the heart of existence
who’s existence can only be seen
in its fleeting forms.
And yet, forms arise continuously,
as merely labeled things
in ordered appearance
for our fleeting enjoyment and use.
The question then is,
“What is the creative force?”
Ah, the mystery of mind
vainly searching for itself.
(10/29/23)
In the stange
There is no normal
No significant plan
The race is on to beat us down
Raise we try
But the pain shows itself again
The eyes of a wanderer
The body a mass of uncontrollable strain
When will it all self destruct
Sooner than later
The dream is gone
The peace is lost
The heart no longer beats
The love is all gone
Then that reality sets in
That time is nothing more
Then dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
You are all gone and no one really cares.
This is the reality in our ignorance.
You come and go as you please
Knowing it pleases me not.
Floating in, your ambiance
Makes the situation rot.
Your past orders for me
To self destruct still work
And I stand here crying for
An end to this feeling of Berzerk.
You broke me in two
No, you shattered me in triumph
So many pieces and I just
See no compliance.
You want things to go
Your way this time
Like you deserve a voice
You don’t, you stepped out of line.
You come in and take and take
Leaving nothing but scraps
What ever became of the wake
Where she was torn, you, laid back?
You seized a moment
To brazenly grapple with talent
Of keeping a family together
Laughing at the dead parent.
You drifted from them
Because you wanted life
On your terms only
Ignoring your abuse, my gripe.
Now I have past orders
From you to lash out
When you’re around
To create in them, doubt.
Never did they see this
Coming the way that it has
I would rather kiss a snake
Thank to be known as
The drifter’s family.
No man nor beast can survive,
In a climate meant to deprive.
Barren of hope and loss of scope,
Where no one gets out alive.
Seeking a place to reside,
Full of contempt and pride.
You've followed a path, guided by wrath,
That destroys the goodness inside.
Lost in a forest of shame,
Looking for someone to blame.
Blinded by fears and drowning in tears,
Will mark the end of the game.
All that remains is a shell,
Now a prisoner bound in Hell.
The death of dreams and nightly screams,
Left alone in an empty cell.
Don't you know you hold the key,
And the will to set you free.
It starts today, once you say,
This isn't who I want to be.
Dear America.
I beg of you.
From the depths of my heart, I plea.
With all of my being, I caution you
to halt. Please realize that you have
everything to live for.
You are the envy
of planet earth. In spite of your often
contradictions, as a nation, you have
been a model for goodness.
I pray not for your
continued blessings.
I pray that you will count
your present blessings.
I pray not for your greatness.
I pray that you will uphold the Greatness of ALMIGHTY
GOD. I fear less that others might cause your demise. My
greater fear is that you may inadvertently self-destruct.
If you are indeed bent toward a God-free future;
If you are determined to uproot your age-old foundations;
If you are persuaded to establish a Christ-free culture;
If your will is to be freed from the will of God; then, I
am sorry that there are few words and actions left for your
defense. Please, assist in eradicating my fears and wiping
away my tears.
But know this, my beloved and cherished country, if you persist
in this present way, I shall remain upon my watch and shall not
cease to pray for you.*
Much love to America,
A proud American.
111922PS
*1 Samiel 12:23
Fill all voids with love, oh hermit
All else mere thought construct
Judging neither fault nor merit
Let ego self-destruct
In sync with love’s bliss beat
Our vibrant heart upbeat
Embrace each soul we meet
Head-heart hand in glove
Fill all voids with love
27-September-2022
Quietus
The aspect of me,
that’s identity,
is here manifest,
for an earth life test.
The I-illusion,
egoic confusion,
is a thought construct,
doomed to self-destruct.
This recognition
in meditation,
let’s me here awake,
and ego forsake.
Ceasing all thought flow,
tranquil heart mellow,
choosing to concur,
I stoop to conquer.
10-July-2022
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