Head pounding, his words repeated in my head like a broken record
my mind and i
are at a game of hide and seek
only i think i've gotten the rules wrong
i am both
the hider
and the seeker
the hider says”if you don’t kill yourself the seeker will”
forever searching for her
but terrified of being seen
Every time i am down and depressed,
My hand pickes up the razor,
As I stared at the razor blade inside that shelf, so satisfying. The bright lights in that bathroom casted my stare over the silver blade. My mind continues to say, "This may be the last time, if you finally cut deep enough."
So I try my best not to make a sound
Heart pounding,My mind fills with thoughts like a marry go around-I am so confused,
what to do next? Do I spare myself another day? Is that the easy way out or is it just my thoughts on that marry go round?
I just dont know what to do!
"If you don’t do it now then you’ll never do it for yourself." These words repeated in my head and just like that the sound of little feet come running down the hall and out the bathroom I go.
We'll have to start over
Because we no longer exist,
I'm in LOVE and in PAIN with that razor blade
The doctor smiled,
holding up the
ultrasound of my
healthy, growing
baby.
My relief shattered
when the screen
showed it whispering
inside my womb.
It told me the exact
date and hour it
planned to consume
me.
Tonight, the labor
pains began three
months ahead of
schedule.
I can feel multiple
tiny, razor-sharp
teeth biting their
their way out.
Dare I sail
into the moonlight
to greet wandering shadows
that beckon in whispers
and trace paths
with luminous thready fingers
through sentinels of razor wire
who parade prescient
before glaring chasms
of untested fathoms.
Flowers will dazzle the eye with delight.
A serpent's dream is to suck them dry.
With jaded tongue and Cheshire smile.
To keep the blossoms somewhat safe
, flank petals with eagle and razor blades.
Lay a scale of wisdom before the bronzed gate
Nurture the lamb to keep the flickers at bay.
If only I could grow a beard
I would stroke it and appear wise
but I'm a'feared it's not to be
no matter how hard I tries
and I hate to think about it
as it always fouls my mood
on me the only hair which sprouts
is due to additives in U.S. food
tho' some are destined to be hirsute
my facial hair issues forth then fades
yet after all if nothing else
it saves on razor blades
Growing up I always saw these commercials for razors
Razors that will shave “extra close to the skin”
Ones that have 5 blades and ones that have 7
And an ergonomic handle that is pink just for you
Commercials showing the perfect pretty blonde model on my tv
Shaving her armpits to be impossible smooth
I know now that they were already waxed
No hair is left because hair isn’t dainty, isn't feminine, isn't appropriate
The perfect pretty blond model on my TV says
Underarm hair is a turnoff, so start worrying when you’re 11
Shaving is necessary if you want to have a husband!
Who cares if you get cuts from your razor
Who cares if you get ingrown hairs
Oh your razor is dull? Buy a new one!
Get our super handy replaceable clip-on razor heads ™!
How much are they? One replacement is only $20!
The perfect pretty blond model in the razor commercial says
With the most stupid
Serene
Irritating music in the background
You’ll never be truly pretty unless you are hairless like a newborn
So shave your pits from the womb to the tomb!
Take care of each other out there
wherever "out there" may be...
a shopping mall
a city street
a place of worship
beside a country creek.
There's a deepening stain
on the tapestry of society
It's time to
scrub it out
scrub it rough
scrub it clean.
Had enough of turning the other cheek?
Seems to me the cheek was picked clean a long time ago.
Time to fill it in with razor blades and fiery angels.
Roll up your crowbar souls, good folk.
Make the crows bleed out until they leave you alone
Take care of each other out there
Because "out there" doesn't give a rat's A-hole about you.
Sometimes we're sacrificed to rooms void of light.
To the caw of the crow and the scent of the night.
Silk of the mind, breached by snakes -chains of cold.
Moment by moment they peck away at the soul.
Roses and razor blades strewn on the ground.
Gifts have been given to help figure it all out.
There are hordes of dark forces willing to devour you.
Only a few angels commissioned to buffer the blue.
Blessed light poking through blackening veins.
Cherish the warmth like drought does a cool rain.
Take your sledgehammer soul, shatter the shroud.
It may take a few blows, but it'll surely come down.
Gather up the roses; leave the razors behind.
Pay homage to angels-step gently into the light.
Harvest the sweet honey from the silenced hive
Embracing the grace of birdsong and shine on.
Before a misty morning mirror
above a half-filled basin
such cold water was I braving
simply to lave my face in
but the coldest cut of all
and it only hurts when I smile
I severely slit myself while
I was busy shaving
but did my frozen fingers fumble
or was it just a rusty razor
which sorely needs replacement
that figured in my defacement
as there were many a slip
'twixt blade and lip
The razor in my hand
Easily is sinking in,
Going deeper and deeper,
Slicing through my skin.
As my body begins to open,
My blood begins to flow,
It's running out of me,
A puddle starts to grow.
The pain, it is intense,
It's making me want to rush.
Finally, there's the artery,
The blood begins to gush.
The job's done, I'm waiting
For my life to leave.
Never again will I
Be made to grieve.
Red roses and razor blades
woven into the soggy beds we've made
sweet scent of heaven, the smell of slow death.
Red roses and razor blades...a prickly romance.
This is the news, a dream of peace,
an echo from the Middle East,
where children cannot understand,
the broken bones of broken lands,
their only hope, for war to cease.
Every imam, rabbi and priest,
can hear the loss for those deceased,
while leaders watch or wash stained hands,
this is the news.
Hope is a hostage for release,
a call for all the bombs to cease,
while children cannot understand,
the razor wire of war-torn lands,
and parents only dream of peace,
this is the news.
My best friend has a beautiful name
She’s magical and disturbing at the same time
You pray for death if you upset her
She stays with me every day
And dances with me every night
She’s with me when I wake up
She’s with me when I go to sleep
Planting the pleasant thought of not waking up in my head
She’s my comfort, she’s my everything,
When something bad happens
She has a superpower
Getting inside my head and turning it all off
Until im numb and stuck with her warm presence
She brings razors to me and makes sure she’s my only friend
All those nice gestures
That bring us closer
Till our heart’s beat the same way and the same blood runs through our veins
My best friend has a beautiful name
A name that’s going to be a part of mine
Writen on a doctor’s paper
My best friend Depression
She’s the only who will stay forever
Shave the devil naked
get that tail between his legs
Leave him bald and impotent
all passion left in dregs
Fleece this vile pestilence
in the flames his fate ensnared
Shear what he embraces most
— temptations curse laid bare
(Dreamsleep: December, 2023)
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