Love is a stranger,
I often knock on her door.
I leave bits of roses that linger
And wilt with the ones before.
Today I’ve placed a new rose
It looked back at me weeping
I pull away and feel the dread again start creeping.
A feeling you can’t put into prose.
I want to be enough for her
My fist pounds against glass,
My mind caves under all the pressure
I just need this to pass.
I sit, I pace, I beg her to let me in
Love draws the blinds
And leaves me with the sin.
Because the sin binds
And tethers me to another,
Thoughts of pulling away leads me to shutter.
Yet I pull the string of fate taut,
It starts to fray
Obsession plagues my thought
And forgets to obey
When I hear her laughter,
Deep from within
I know that what comes after
Leaves my heart singed.
You pray for me.
You say when I cry,
You hug me, no words, needed
And when I pull away, walk by,
You pull me gently back, breathing
Holding me tightly
Reverenting me, rightly,
You pray for me.
You tell me I'm beautiful
And thats it's me whom you love.
You are my safe space.
You give me grace
And for all this.
I thank God for you,
You give me attention.
O, did I mention
Do you who prays for me?
I too. Do pray for you.
Holding you tightly
Reverencing me rightly
You pray for me
4/26/26
Written words by James Edward Lee Sr 2026
Empty
Ashamed
Confused
Spiritual emptiness
Lord
My heart is full
Love waiting to give away
Yet my mind says no
nobody will listen; only ridicule me
You aren’t educated enough in HIM
Lord I don’t know what to pray anymore
Spirit pray for me
My smile I hide
For others will not reciprocate
My faith is small
My voice fades away
Yet your whisper says “ you are still my child”.
Lord you know my past
My years of pain
years of being told I’m not good enough
Lord even in silence you never turn away
Lord my heart
My arms of your grace
Are wanting to reach out to hug HIS children
yet that ever constant voice says “Keep Quiet”
once thought God was good and kind
Then Mother Nature blew my mind
And left my broken body on the floor
Now I don't know who to pray to anymore
But when the world gets real
And I start to feel
The first thing I do
Is turn to you
And then pull away
Until comes the day
Where I just can't live
And learn to forgive
Lord you whisper “My child I’m still here”
The spirit whispers “ You are my child “.
Lord, I’ll sit here untill my Spirit learns to live again”.
New Year Special
Today, the clock knows how to stay,
not push us on, not pull away.
It pauses time, then lets us see
that arrival matters more than speed.
The year unfolds — a quiet door,
no loud demands, no need for more.
Just open space, a moment free,
a breath that says: come in, be.
We enter holding what remained —
the truths we learned through joy and pain.
Dreams a little worn, yet bright,
and hope that lived through every night.
This is no vow to never fall,
no claim we’ve mastered life at all.
It’s permission, soft but true,
to start again the way we choose.
With gentler hands, with braver hearts,
we learn that strength is how one starts.
The past loosens what it held tight,
the future waits — no need to fight.
And in this moment, calm and clear,
we step ahead into the year.
Not fully ready, not complete
just breathing still, and choosing feet.
The handshake; a gesture, a sign of good will
If feeble, it may hide intent that is ill
Or is it the grip of a mind that’s unsure
Or shyness in one who’s not met you before
The handshake that comes with a heart-warming smile
Each, seemingly held for an overlong while
Should leave one suspicious as that firm grip lingers
That the other hand features two tightly crossed fingers
They say that a handshake’s a contract of sorts
The sort that shall carry no weight in the courts
So seek my advice and I’ll offer you this
A handshake means no more than ‘sealed with a kiss.’
But a hearty, firm handshake is hard to resist
So long as the thumb doesn’t tickle your wrist
For if you do not pull away then I fear
The antlers you’ll wear… of a sacrificed deer
But is there a handshake that stands true and good
A handshake to trust in, that maybe we should
The answer is “Yes” as you welcome friends in
But “No” if they’re wearing a big cheesy grin.
I have seen a thousand smiles,
Heard a hundred names spoken sweet,
But none ever lingered
In the way your silence lingers in me.
You -
Made the mystery feel sacred itself,
Never chasing a crowd,
And with your quiet presence,
I found poems I couldn't write.
Those glimmers -
Unintentionally gentle yet,
Intentionally abyssal!
No diamonds cut deeper than that,
Oh dear, his eyes carry the kind of forever,
Even sonnets envy!
I pull away from every hand,
Not because I fear love.
But because when the soul found home,
No imitation could be the melody,
Swaying in quiet wonder!
So if one day you feel a strange warmth,
A soft tether settling into your chest,
Know that it's my love;
Unspoken and covert,
Yet endlessly endless!
The white that makes the world new.
The white that blinds you.
The white that looks soft but isn't.
The white that is cold.
The white that freezes the lakes and ponds.
The white that is pure.
The white is the opposite of my soul.
The white that's turned my soul black.
The opposite of the very thing I am.
The white that brings happiness and laughter.
I don't have any of that left in me.
I'm at it again pushing everyone away.
What is it about this month that makes me so depressed,
and pull away from everyone.
What is it about winter that makes me sad?
I remember my softmore year.
I was with someone who I thought I would love forever.
I remember playing in the slush with him
I remember cuddling because I was cold.
I'm tired of everything that happens around me.
I'm tired of feeling lost.
What is it about December that makes me want to go kill myself?
What is it about winter that I hate so much?
I hate all of the music and the snow that looks too perfect.
The love that surrounds me but that I'm not a part of
The cute things everyone does for each other.
I watch you.
Always.
In the quiet spaces between your steps,
in the moments when you think
you’re alone.
I tell myself it’s love,
this hunger that follows you,
this ache that claws at my chest
every time you pull away.
I tell myself
I’m the only one who truly knows you,
the only one who can keep you whole.
You run,
but I’m already there.
You hide,
but I’ve memorized your shadows.
You build walls,
but I find cracks.
Life without you is no life at all.
I’ve convinced myself of that,
over and over,
until it feels like truth,
until the lie becomes my heartbeat.
You don’t see me.
Not really.
You only see the weight of my presence,
the hands you never asked for,
the words you never wanted to hear.
But I’ll make you see.
I’ll make you stay.
Even if you don’t want me.
Even if you run.
Even in death,
we’re bound.
Even in the silence
of your absence,
I will still be here,
pressing my shadow into yours
until you cannot tell
where you end
and I begin.
She humbled them all with one song;
the powerful and grieving,
the hardened and thieving.
Her voice was gentling, a lullaby;
a love song, alluring.
For a moment they’re all believing.
They can’t breathe or pull away from
her flaming red hair and sweet disposition.
They’d wondered why he married her.
Though they might originally have thought
that she was the same as the evening girls.
The ladies and gentlemen - both;
the old and young, enthralled.
They can’t breathe or pull away.
She’s like a rose-scented siren. Touché.
And her husband, at that very moment
falls deeply in love, and would dive
into the ocean depths, as if seeking
a sacred treasure chest, a myth.
She is his, though every hifalutin body
is floating on cloud nine, and knowing;
why…why her… duly answered.
This angel, in a Christmas gown, holds
a potent candle, that their fancy
can’t blow out; all hearts above the fray.
Occurring disturbances echoing through the mind
Felt asleep
Twist and turn
Dreaming feeling like a nightmare
The midst of danger
The dream of enter
It was a person, train and car
Approaching train
A stop at a railroad crossing
Thought of can make it
Car got stuck in the middle
Train steadily getting closer
What do I do?
Do I jump out the car and run?
Meanwhile the train is coming and coming
I could be killed
Suddenly, the car starts and I pull away
The train passes and there was a getaway
Escape being a blessing
Dream as it would seem
But what does the dream mean?
Immediately woke up
Had drenching sweat
Wondered what did the dream surround?
There was danger, but somehow there was protection
Dream over
Went back to sleep
My soul still to keep.
have many demons
for all kinds of reasons
they stay locked up
until I really need them
I dream of tornadoes
and overflowing volcanoes
100% rotten tomatoes
your regular meat and potatoes
the demons always wanna talk
they’re watching me like a hawk
I can’t even go for a walk
I always feel like I’m being stalked
they must not hear my silent pleas
they walk and talk and stand by me
one of these days I’m going to break free
I’ll do it on the count of three
1,2,3, I try to pull away
but the chains are here to stay
“you’ll always have it rough”
“you’ll never be good enough”
but here’s the thing you guys
I know all about the lies
I have the cuffs, you have the keys?
no, the keys have always been inside of me
you can scare me into the night
but I won’t go down without a fight
my energy has grown so bright
I’ll never let you dim my light
a vow to the demons of my past
the ones I grew close to pretty fast
it’s time that I let you know
it’s time for me to let you go
I grew up hearing tales of who You are
So kind, so just, so full of love and grace.
You watched me closely like a guiding star,
Your whispers now still echo in this place.
I speak to You, and tears begin to fall,
For in the quiet, I can feel You near.
My Friend, my Shield, my Strength through every call,
You lift my soul and cast away my fear.
Without You, Lord, my world would drift apart,
My dreams and goals would lose their light and worth.
Yet still, You knew the secrets of my heart,
And cleansed my sins before my time on earth.
Please help me never drift, never pull away, never trade
Your presence for silence. Because in You, I find everything, I will ever need.
I finally went dancing again
This time my partner was a ghost from the past
Their movements so fluid that it felt like I was on an island
Their touch so cold I thought I would catch hypothermia
Their face so distorted colors bent and contracted around them
We twirled and waltzed throughout the night
We both knew the steps
One step, two step, pause, pull away, pull them in, twirl
But something was different
I could no longer feel that spark that once was there
That electric feeling that sent shivers down my spine is gone
I feel nothing as our eyes meet
I don't feel the rhythm in my heart
I don't feel a sweet sensation meeting my taste buds
All that once was is gone
I guess that's what it means to dance with a ghost.
Hold on, keep on
One step, one more time
Push forward, pull away
Eyes open, on the finish line.
We wear the wind without knowing
who it belonged to before.
A coat of yesterday’s anger,
today’s kindness sewn in the lining.
Faces blur at the edges—
the barista is your brother,
the stranger at the bus stop
holds your childhood in their eyes
for just a second.
We revolve through doorways
where names change
but the silence between words
feels familiar.
One day you are the voice,
another day, the echo.
Interwoven shadows—we circle each other
Actors before a shattered mirror,
forgetting who plays whom
and whose cue it is.
There is something behind it all—
not watching,
not judging,
but weaving.
The thread runs through all of us,
and tightens
when we pull away.
--- Christopher Johnston
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