Simply absurd
Heard the news
Snotty residents
On pedants pews
Clear precedents
Vice do choose
Drive us potty
In arty farty mews
Latte & biscotti
With dotty views
Party always grotty
Spice will lose
A slutty hotty
Putty in her hand
Seedy queues
For smutty totty
Or bit of botty
Plenty of booze
A nutty hinterland
Hear our boos
Us well manned
Against this ruse
So underhand
With their coups
Good times banned
Westminster eschews
In pubs can't stand
Everyone poo poos
That's what's planned
If papers peruse
Chaos canned
Soho's Blues
outside, I usually I keep my stegosaurus Wild Willie hidden,
but if I shriek he comes at a gallop, feeling validated and bidden.
Police have come twice, called by my neighbor Sam, who is full of fright.
I laugh, asking who has ever seen a real dinosaur, right?
Willie cannot got to work with me, because I work at an elementary school.
They do not even allow pets, for fear they might sweat, potty, bite or drool.
He stays at home in his corner eating eggs and rice, watching Netflix.
His tail accidentally opens the curtains, which causes a real conflict.
I bring home eggs and rice, so Willie is totally content and clean.
He has a little poo pile out back, where his poos are used for flower sheen.
We have never had an argument or disagreed on anything remotely big.
Except he did have a hissy fit when I suggested adopting a pot-belly pig.
The juices are flowing
Out my butt it’s flowing
The stink surely is growing
The end is near i am hoping
The poos are floating
As they keep going
I begin to wonder will it ever stop exploding
For the pain has me moaning
On my phone diagnosing
The research is undergoing
My ignorance is showing
For I don’t know why my butt is unloading
The doctor call i continue postponing
As my juices stay a flowing…
Blessed sanctuary of all poos tidy bowl king is honored
9-29-23
I have to admit I’ve got a confession
About my unhealthy obsession
Other kids love pop stars with all their heart
For me it’s the Bristol Stool chart
There’s seven different types of poo
With pictures that give me a clue
to how long the poo’s been in my bowel
Poos that’s both fresh and some that’s foul
Each morning once I get out of bed
For breakfast I’ll have brown bread
The chart is a handy tool
To identify your type of stool
Now I’ve decided to tell
You about the different poos that smell
Cos it’s clear that the Bristol stool chart
Can also indicate your type of fart
Type 1 is as hard as a nut
And stays longest in the gut
Type 2 is a sausagy lump
That’s hard to squeeze out your rump
Then there’s types 3 and type 4
These are the poos I adore
These are the poos I prefer to make
A cracked sausage or smooth like a snake
Types 5 and 6 are easier to pass
Blobby or fluffy ones from your ass
Type 7 is the worst of all
It gushes like a waterfall
So now you’ve got all the scoop
On all the different types of poop
I love identifying my poo and type of fart
The Bristol Stool chart fills my heart
Birth
O, JOY
Baby boy
It walks and talks
Never screams or squawks
It smiles and coos
Makes firm poos
Sleeps well ~
Too
Birthday Double Tetractys for Eve
To
our friend
Eve Roper:
valued poet
every poem from her artistic hand
Reads like a painting looks - inspired! Using
only words that
proclaim her
essence:
real.
Birthday Limerick for Jan
Jan Allison, born on this day
always knows just the right words to say:
nature writes, soulful verse -
Apropos and diverse,
limericks are her playful forté
laughing loudly, I read all I can
isle of Man should be called 'Isle of Jan'
such an inspired muse
on the news (and the poos)
not to mention orange-faced pumpkin man!
// Happy birthday (January 25th) to two beloved pillars of Poetry Soup! //
It's nearly time for PMQs
Said Boris, and I've blocked the bog
With one of my enormous poos
It's nearly time for PMQ's
It's hard to verbally abuse
The opposition when your log
Is staring at you. PMQs
Said Boris, and I've blocked the bog
© Gail Foster 18th November 2020
Cockapoos, Labradoodles,
Cavapoos and Oodle Spoodles,
Sprockerpoos, Irish Troodles,
Maltipoos or simply Schnoodles
Multitudes of deviant Doodles,
Poos and cute expensive Toodles,
Consequences of canoodles
Carried out with hoochey Poodles
GIRAFFATACK
In treetops high up
Spot victims, raises up neck
~ Pow! Eats shoots, then leaves
MONKEY SHINES
Who is watching who?
Monkey makes a fool of you
~ First it pees, then poos
RATTJLE SNAKE
Beware Mister Snake
Poisonous tail, rattle and shake
~ Man, your life's at stake!
JUNGLE NEWS
Dozens are crying
Maimed creatures lay dying
~ Snarfed by a lion
Are witches real, I mean those that cast spells
Only referring to those that in dark castles dwell
Not talking silly witchcraft
About those in movies cast
But real witchy-poos that remind us of hell
Who is watching who?
Monkey makes a fool of you
~ First he pees, then poos.
The rules for being a nursie poo is simply this
You must be efficient as well as a delicious dish
Plain Janes need not apply
Must be pleasing to the eye
To be fawned over and cuddled is every man's wish!
It was the best of poos,
It was the worst of poos.
Restroom, oh Restroom,
Wherefore art thou Restroom?
Momma says poo is like a box of chocolates:
You never know what you're going to get.
NO SINGLE-PLY EVERRRR!!!!!!
Frankly, my poo, I don't give a damn!
Please, sir, may I have some more toilet paper?
Fasten your seat belts! It's going to be a flatulent night!
I love the smell of well formed poo in the morning -- smells like victory!
Nobody puts Baby in the corner stall! Shut up you idiot, I wasn't dancing! I was trying not to poo myself!!!!
It might be a tumor.
It's not a tumor kid!!!! I'm just trying to poo!!!
You can't handle the poop!!!
Two roads diverged in a restroom, and I,
I took the one less taken.
And that has made all the difference.
A curious bee and a silly wasp were stuck in a cup of pee
The two insects begged the old man to set them free
“I don’t want to die” cried the poor pathetic bee
The ridiculous wasp said “I am trying to flee, help!”
Hours later, two tiny poos were floating in the acidic pee
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