Seeds get planted according to season.
Timing is everything.
My eyes are puffy from crying over
Another misgiving.
Despair is like a disease
I can't escape.
I follow my calling, but I wonder if
Running on the treadmill
Is how time bleeds.
The treadmill moves under my feet.
It moves too fast.
I try to keep pace,
But my breath breaks first.
I collapse in tears,
Still moving nowhere.
Around and around
In this never-ending cycle.
Living each day filled with dread,
Chasing after something never attained.
My soul burns up,
Leading me into darkness.
No way out of this tunnel.
No light to see where I'm headed.
I know my past self.
She interferes with my present.
I tell myself to block her out,
But I can't run away from myself.
Alive not living,
Past era keeps reliving...
Freedom's misgiving.
Independence sighs,
What freedom frankly denies...
Cum pure lawful guise.
Where one sorrow smiles...
In democratic cool styles,
That shield violent miles.
Eyes travels in mind,
How leaders should have been kind,
But greedily blind
Right to live on earth-
Is no Nigerians by birth,
Only Govts have worth.
Unlike the Indians,
They are humanitarians
But ours- comedians.
Indians celebrate...
When will Nigeria equate,
What growth's checks operate?
Like how courtship's will,
Wish marriage's freedom fulfill...
Relationship's thrill.
Independence day,
India and Indians to weigh...
How hell the past stray!
Congratulations!
Misgiving
Somewhere between sweet dreams and nightmares
I find my true existence
Shades of grey are all I see
Life within the twilight wears heavy on my soul
Disquiet and apprehension my reality
There are no allies in the shadows
I fight the dragon all alone
I love the light but dwell in the dark
Where is my fairy tale my happy ever after
I feel the dusk approaching It’s calling out to me
Here I go again
It was a memorable evening, bright
with my beautiful, charming fiancé
(once my wretched, tormented heart's delight)
near the old village of Fatheringay.
Drawn by the lilt of a whispery voice,
we found ourselves in a dark, rustic pub.
An inner misgiving questioned our choice.
A man served drinks from a hook on a stub.
After imbibing a strange, bubbling brew,
we dawdled the full moon-lit countryside.
In the lunar light, her eyes shone light blue -
mine, a phosphorus glow, like Mr. Hyde.
We gazed at the Hydra constellation,
where the Ghost of Jupiter nebula
somehow unfastened my reservation,
as its image fell on my retina.
That my grandfather was a lycanthrope,
and a mad cascade of serpentine thoughts,
this myriad of disclosures doused hope
(a demented disconnection of dots).
The vile dreams would slither back to their hole
too late for my near bride of eighteen.
The strong brew's effects had taken their toll.
My love was never again to be seen.
No, my true love was no more to be seen.
you only know the me i am
the one i am when i’m with you ~
the me that’s mistrusting
reserved and holding back
i hope one day you’ll get to know
the me with you i want to become ~
my mind at ease with trust in heart
freed from misgiving and suspicion
AP: 1st place 2025
A choice
Without choice
No question arose
For this birthing
In blackness and
Sharp voices
Scolding the choice..
Regrets
For the choice arose
Imagined alternatives
Without sharpness
Without edges of an
Imagined identity..
Masks worn with
Pride and misgiving
Pain and elation
Comfort and shame
Colored to perfection
The separation game..
Yet in winding down
Appearances of memories
Flash and fade
No answers are found
To questions in time
Only these words
And not only these
Burning this page...
Mistrust is like a thorn
Fiercing deep into the skull
It's like adding salt to the burn
Excruciating beyond pain appall
Akin to disloyalty and treachery
Mistrust is misgiving not careful
Towards a downtrodden bribery
Misgiving against success is painful
This is crisis in attitude and morality
Without following rule and its sanctity.
Unpredictable and volatile--
morose and quiet one moment,
laughing heartily just after a while
at whatever excited his mirth,
his high thin loud laugh strange
from a person with a grave mien.
He would often be in deep thought,
as if engaged in contemplation
of a philosophical question.
You’d think he is not given to humor,
but know him well and you’ll divine
he is not averse to jests even at his expense.
You would view it with some misgiving
he delights in fairy tales, children’s books, toys,
movies with superheroes or fantasy themes,
colors, flowers, and childish games.
But perhaps you would forgive him
for through circumstances not of his doing
childhood had somehow skipped him.
November 15, 2024
is it wise forgiving ~ if one has doubts or the slightest misgiving
very good question said god ~ and why i only judge the unliving
“If you keep only healthy food in your cupboard and fridge, you will eat good food.” – Errick McAdams
“You need a steroid to fix your ills.
Now vaccination to ward off winter chills.
Take an antidepressant, to calm your woes.
Let’s try antibiotics and see how it goes.
A short run of oxycodone to ease any pain.
Eating salt and acidy food you must refrain.
We will give you antacids just in case,
And a full range of vitamins, food to replace.
Eat nothing with Gluten or carbohydrate.
We’ll give you a pill to lower your heart rate.
A bevy of sprays to help you breathe.
A mood stabilizer if you begin to seethe.
There’s nothing else before you run out of money.
Make sure you call if you begin to feel funny.
Your health will soon be at its highest peak.
Make an appointment to see me in a week.”
"How uplifting it feels to be given such care.
Knowing my specialist has it all right there.
And silly me was considering healthy living.
Fresh air, good food and exercise, such a misgiving !!"
Doctors Said No Chance
Then A Miracle Happened
Miracle Man
10/14/2023
I sometimes sit, reevaluating past living,
for only used clock do I know for certain.
Some clock was wrapped in misgiving,
and unidentified days, remain uncertain.
Many friends have outstripped me and gone,
but I remember some from treasured years.
I recall opportunities that I failed to act on,
of Southern Cal nights and grinding gears.
I’ve had Doctors tell me that I shouldn’t be here,
they called me the protected one and Miracle Man.
They couldn’t explain the way things did appear,
but death that day wasn’t part of God’s plan.
I recall other times when death’s door was ajar,
and the circumstances that led to forgiven sin.
Recalling that time is my best memory by far,
I’d made Jesus my Savior and was born again.
Some people are Satan worshipers
As luck would have it they are few
They love cheating beside evils and devils
Active in showing coloring of a chameleon
Not nowadays but since their early beginning
What do you expect Satan worshipers do?
Obscenely they come and go, say and sing
Rancorous men and women most of the time
Sake not humanity welfare sake not facts and truth
Humbug day and night deceive others and themselves
Identical to Satan and its misgiving its obsession
People hate Satan, evils and devils all over the world
Except those ugly Satan worshipers
Really Satan is their leader and their god
Satan lovers!
About this simple poem, please note that there is nothing personal, nothing related to old friends and readers at all.
Where there had been laughter, sparkling tears
Kissing naked hearts with shadows, clinging fears
Dreams silenced by the darkness, quiet despair
Erasing all the light within, doubt beyond compare
Echoes of grace and mercy, breathlessly listening
Lifting the obscurity, inspirations flowing, glistening
Whispers pleading for new beginnings, the unveiling
Satisfaction rubbing away the worries, belief prevailing
Serenity sighs through the spirit, jubilantly singing
Dispelling the tears and fears, reprieve is ringing
Where there had been uncertainty and misgiving
His sweet grace dispels skepticism with thanksgiving
When Jesus colors hearts in hues of dancing praise
He reminds the worshiper that His love will amaze
Listen to the breath of hope pouring out on those
Who know He is the One who from death arose!
Eternal Visions
Miracle Man
6/14/2022
I feel the stress of quotidian living,
sometimes dwelling on days long past.
But in my heart lies no misgiving,
and I live each day as if it were my last.
Each step I take brings the finish nearer,
only God knows when that step will come.
Each day my traveled path grows clearer,
and I have no doubts concerning outcome.
I sense the onslaught of bitter times
When rain and fog in my future lie,
I shall hear the chapel steeple chimes
And I shall think me near to die.
Then, when I least expect the light,
The sun bursts forth with radiance
Clouds disappear in vaporous plight
And I shall dance, yes, … I shall dance.
Slip me through the stress of living
The bad times come, I shall only glance,
Sunshine bears not macabre misgiving
And I shall dance, yes, … I shall dance.
written February 25, 2022
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