Long Posterior Poems

My husband and I always enjoy visiting
GrandMother Eartha
on Mother's Day

She often shares
last night's dreams,
which too often follow rather disturbing peak experience themes

Because,
you know,
or maybe not because,
how would I know?

Dreams about Her Straight White AlphaMale trauma
were...

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The Dance of Salome
Herod bellowed out the night's festive orders..
"Bring the torches, bring the tables..
more wine, that we may rejoice,  
for tonight we revel in kindred friendship."
Herod strolled onto the terrace, nearly stumbled in...

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I have a friend, old and retired, who keeps busy helping the poor. Let's call him Ted because he wants to remain anonymous. Some of his ideas, he says, wouldn’t make many of his neighbors...

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Spouse cannot forget mine suppressed flatulence upon our first date

While yours truly sat here 
at the desk housing MacBook Pro,
pondering his next idée fixe apropos
for gamut of anonymous readers,
he unexpectedly, noisily and effectually
exploded out rear...

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Twice told toilet tale – a cheeky execrable gross fable

which poetic product best be affixed 
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune...

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To this day, the breath labours on still 
Marrow birthing blood same as ever 
to keep this battered carriage oiled
The soul wills the flesh to hobble on 
and prays the spirit keeps aflame 
The game...

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Prolonged offal bout courtesy constipation... turgid song redux,
a worse hellish fate than perdition really sucks

As of early morning
today - September 8th, 2022,
I could not but barely move
mine whole body felt
analogous to sluggish mollusk
frequent constipation found...

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Date  June 2024
A large group  picketed outside 
Of the toilet paper factory. 
People held picket
Signs marching in a circular line.
The Group chanted: 
Revolters deserve better bottom
Paper on this caper!  The group
Became bigger...

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Heterosexual married sexagenarian male...

Aims to trigger cerebral orgasm;

Other terms for said phenomena are 
"brain tingles" and "head orgasm." 
This sensation is described as a pleasant, 
even euphoric, tingling warmth and/or feeling 
of relaxation that comes...

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Plagued with lifelong lower gastrointestinal Sturm und Drang

Ever since a young lad
irritable bowel syndrome
in my humble pinion wracked
lower abdominal area 
gurgled and ballooned gastrointestinal tract
(similar to following Colonoscopy preparation
slated for January 24th, 2024
at Phoenixville Hospital)
posterior...

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Stimulus check(up), visited mine local gastro-intestinal economy

Around high noon
today March 19th, 2021
fecal impaction I did plaintively croon
until effect courtesy amitiza, which
prescription medication
(in short a laxative)
served as amazing grace saving boon.

Once activated - impossible mission
to suppress...

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Bully me you, I exemplified archetypal scapegoat

Even as an old curmudgeon, aye pucker
and raspily suction, albeit toothless mouth
drawing reminiscent guffaws affecting 
(think feeble attempt 
impersonating plumber plunging - 
unclogging backed up toilet), 
flushed with satisfaction,
now...

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Ability to defecate wildly swings (both ways)...
between incontinence and constipation

Irritable bowel syndrome i.e.
the former excretory bout I address
the above (polite way to phrase diarrhea)
and avoid moon efficient cheekiness,
yours truly doth buttress,
a literal warranted pain in...

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Inapropos trois faux pas jokingly blurted out...

yesterday August 30th, 2022.

The following fictitious account
predicated upon words spilling
out me mouth before taking time
to think through how sarcastic remark
would affect primary listener.

Comments about marital matters
particularly ours (yours truly...

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A (growing) menagerie of stuffed animals And Beanie Babies

The following doth constitute
combination of fact and fiction
unfortunately not sentences
referencing overactive spousal glute
though sphincter roaring
could muscle us into ample loot
(after wife explodes open bank vault)
versus ass spire...

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FYI: White House

FROM:  Mother Earth

In case you, or anyone you know, is possibly listening,
wanted to mention,

Climate change is a catastrophic NATIONAL,
even international, DISASTER;
a poly-psychopathic source of extreme dissonance.

Anyone who knows our butts
from a BlackHole...

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Ready...Aim...Fire!

In light of tension twixt
brinkmanship rumbling one
East Asian Tiger
country otherwise known as
"the land of morning calm,"
yours truly t'will invite 
"freedom foo fighters"
tubby regaling with a jubilant aire
total mortal Kombat 
levels threat of human warhead
bomb dubbed...

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As Joe was biking down the side of the road
He ran across a chap with a dearth of driving skills.  
Or more accurately, the driver almost ran over Joe; 
'Twas one of life’s unwanted...

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The missus pounded mine posterior...
causing percussive rumpus 
to vibrate like jelly

Me experienced quite disruptive sleep
(quite early in the morning 
of November 10th 2022 -
no shut eye could I keep),
hence though exhausted, I share
childlike trait of...

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ORIGINAL TITLE HAIKU 35
1#
Brewed tea
Wife and myself
Nothing between us
2#
He was metamorphosed 
Into a frog
When his wife had left him
3#
I needed
A lonely woman
Thousand years back
4#
She shivered
In yellow sun
Struck by her coyness
5#
God travels
With three suitcases
One for me
6#
I...

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                        Ella peripherals the scene, 
instantly onboard. (A ship of fool.)
An onlooker,...

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End of summer countdown before school year...

countless decades graduating 
contemptible cum laude
hence same time frame every 
August since...the stone
temple pilot age, this beastie 
boy flashes back to yahoos
whose rawhide (mine) they 
miraculously never whipped!

Uneasy panic...

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Defecation clogged toilet bowl...
courtesy prescription laxative AMITIZA

and found (me) zee papa pooped out,
thus embarrassing communiqué I post,
a reasonably rhyming poetic shout
to air grievances
concerning outsize bowel movement
hoping (fat/slim chance)
Mike Rowe happens tubby about,
though shadow of doubt
he...

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While attempting going to sleep after midnight...

December 27th, 2023,
the missus pounded mine posterior
(she played paddywhack 
on me blimey buttucks)
not only causing contusion, 
but flaying percussive rumpus, 
where the wild things are
found yours truly feeling
like a...

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Learning when/how to close seat then...
flush... the toilet with good frisson!

Bull leave me you, though how bison
teen and juvenile 
from a sixty four year old
married male no less!

(alternately titled long windedly
using lower case letters:
no matter...

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