Long Peta Poems

Figurative paralysis laid waste body electric of mine

This is Spinal tap 
bamboozling, binding, bleeding, bombing...
ripped from every dog eared 
and book marked page
recounting latest ill fated fiasco, 
now peppering my life and hard times
causing quite...

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There's A Pedophile In The House...
(ah...ah...ah...ham eye white...???)

OMG,... and he looks...
     SAY WHAT??? just like me???,...
     absolutely NO WAY!!!,
would this sensitive,
     respectful, "FAKE"...

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(The Silent Screams of Asparagus)
4th place in contest

The Swiss, those bastions of “Pease, Not War”
That neutral country to the core
Have gone to the edge – then one step more
On the Dignity of Plants

The killing of...

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One day I was really busy with chores as my son was sitting all around.
Not helping, he was driving me crazy as he got in the way, in leaps and bounds. 
Every few seconds he...

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Ferret Legging
You never know what you’ll find on the net
Nothing much surprises me there and yet
I found a sport that takes no native skill
Just a strong pair of pants and a real strong will
Competitors’ trousers...

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A Magic Adventure of Peter The Pan/AKA Peta The Fwying Pan

Peter was a fine young pan with blue eyes
Like all the other pans his age, except,
Peter could not yet pronounce 'R's'--he tried...
And 'L's'...so hard he...

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zealotry yawping within un
   pretentious sporty, quirky, 
   oddly, manly, kooky, impisly, gummy, 
   edgy, dorky, cocky, belly airs

to disseminate, a quick  
  literary flourishing brushstroke 
...

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When I was just seven, so small
My best friend Jacob, outdid us all
He had a pet Cobra, cool as could be
He forgot to feed it for a whole week you see

So I killed him

When I...

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A Christmas Poem

You told me I should write it – it’s written but not sent
I'm not sure who would get my point - or who would just get bent

The 1st I wrote at Tulley Gate
Traffic...

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I was arrested this morning in bed
The evidence was very overwhelming
I was bloody and bleeding all over
In a frenzy last night
After some wine
Apparently I committed atrocities

As I sit inside this bare white interrogation room
I can...

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quaffing caustic acidic ale, a prankster did stage
analogous to raging figurative fire of rage 
within my belly – riven asper spinal binding 
   ripped from every book marked page

caw zing quite an ache...

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Fur pies don't sell so bakers use eggs
It is evident in the historical records
The unborn remnants inside the shell
Children of the chicken
Are soft and gooey and easier to use
Fur coats are difficult to swallow

No matter...

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Traffic Jam Slam


Who dresses them up and puts them in cars
gives them their keys as they leave the bars
these drivers who sit at the red light and grin
preachers out practicing Sunday’s big sin.
Somehow they think...

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Mulberry-leaf-munching moth pupa
spins silk to make the cocoon
for its transformation into its adult form
as a winged moth.

Pupa in the cocoon is
excited it will fly soon
Ten more days to go
It will fly and go
Joyous and happy...

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Give a man a sea-kitten,
And you feed him for a day.
Teach a man how to sea-kitten,
And PETA will make him pay.

I guess there isn’t much to say,
We’re gonna eat them either way,
Because the message here...

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Romancing The Turtle

A second or third party of unknown origin
Fragmented theories, partially substantiated as of this hour
Fully disclosed an encounter 
Between a man and a tortoise or turtle
They told a tale to a friend of...

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Cats Should Be Exterminated

By Elton Camp

I am making a call for action long overdue
For there is an important task we need to do
They have crept into our lives with little note
Now it is the time...

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Se te yè dimanch
Jou fèt Sen Valanten
Nou wè kap pase anpil fanm chik ki gen
Ranch anfòm, yo abiye an woz e wouj
Kote anpil anmourez kap mache men nan la men
Menm jan ak aktè sou enfrawouj
Yo...

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It was hot yesterday. How hot was it you ask?
It was so hot outside that I'd rather be in class doing math,
It was so hot when I heard a joke that was funny I actually...

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Asset rich and cash poor
Farming’s now a constant war
Stupid rules; I’ve had enough
It’s getting hard and bloody rough.
More rules and forms come everyday
A thousand bastards want their say!

Some greenie wants to save my trees
Another thinks...

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When I look at you
I see so many things that remind me 
of the memories that we've shared
When we would go to the Ogden river
just to take a walk
When I would call you at 3...

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PETA Gets a Lesson in Reality

By Elton Camp

In one place, it was with very good reason
That on hunting bears it was open season

But when PETA learned of this evil town,
With bleeding hearts they then came...

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Clearly this is not a scheduled flight
A rhinoceros is falling from the sky
Outer space is no place for rhinos
Traveling nearly at the speed of light
We have no right to question why
This animal is not made...

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(sing to tune of Hush Little Baby)

Hush, little PD, don't say a word.
Nathan's gonna buy you a mocking bird.

If that bird makes fun of you....
that's what that bird is supposed to do!

Take that bird and...

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On the Death of a Fly

By Elton Camp

Upon learning about a murder most foul
PETA immediately put up quite a howl

“Whoever this innocent fly chose to slay
Will go to prison if we can get our way!”

The...

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