Ferret Legging

Ferret Legging You never know what you’ll find on the net Nothing much surprises me there and yet I found a sport that takes no native skill Just a strong pair of pants and a real strong will Competitors’ trousers are tied neath their shin Before two ferrets are securely placed in Their belts are then fastened to prevent an escape And that’s where the very strong will should take shape Each competitor then stands in front of a judge As long as he can trying so not to budge Neither ferret nor man can be drunk or be drugged And no underwear worn so your parts can be hugged Pants must be loose so the ferrets can roam From one leg to the other and their movement shown Each ferret must have a full set of teeth That have not been blunted or anyway sheathed Ferrets have claws like very sharp pins And teeth like a carpet tack that they can sink in And ferrets are biters and you’ve got a pair So your “tool” may be bitten and you better not care Competitors can attempt from outside their pants To dislodge a ferret that’s latched on by chance The winner’s the guy that outlasts the rest And stands there the longest in this little test Scotland’s the country where this all began And the record is held by a brave Scottish man The record’s been set that will be hard to beat Five hours 10 minutes and still on his feet Unfortunately the sport’s been dying out With PETA and others protesting the bout But if you’re in Virginia, in Richmond next year And go to the Highland Games there I hear They may have a ferret or two up their sleeve That you can insert in your pants I believe And if you can just stand there for six hours or more You can bring the world record right here to our shore But first grab some loose pants and maybe a kitten Practice with that getting use to being bitten Work up to a cat and then up to two That is exactly what I thought I’d do Then I thought again and again then I thought Can a lesson be learned before that lesson’s taught? So I tried to imagine how a ferret would feel Could I stand there a man without a girly squeal? Would I be embarrassed or pass out from fright And I thought and I thought and I thought that I might So I’ll go on record, this sport’s not for me But if you’re game to try it, that I’d go to see