Long Funny Poems
Long Funny Poems. Below are the most popular long Funny by PoetrySoup Members. You can search for long Funny poems by poem length and keyword.
You laugh at all my jokes, ‘
even the ones that are not funny.
You listen to my troubles,
making them your own.
You know my words,
before I speak,
my actions before their taken.
You are not offended,
at my laugh.
You know my song,
but continue still to listen.
God must have put you here,
right here, in my path,
as I am not good with direction.
He knew I needed …
An Abbott to my Costello,
A green cherry to my fruit cake,
An Angel in the dark,
A Hero without a cape,
A bright light, in the madness.
The parent I never had,
the sibling that I missed,
the companion,
the ally
a true friend.
Each day standing
tall in my shadow.
Eternally, ceaselessly there…
supporting, and cheering me on.
I am grateful.
He doesn’t like to socialize, nor does
he laugh at funny shows the way I do.
He suffers chronic pain and frets because
he’s worked so long and hard his whole life through.
We’ve had our ups and downs, and that’s for sure,
but I can overlook the bad. Our love
has grown through many years and will endure
because there’s one thing I am certain of.
My husband’s there for me! Though he may lack
a way with words, much tact or great finesse,
I know deep down – he’ll always have my back.
Each year as we grow greyer, he feels stress.
My birthday wish for him is that he’ll find
contentment and – at last – some peace of mind.
Sept. 5, 2021
For Funom Makama's A Poem To Your Spouse On His-Her Birthday Contest
well, my mother loved to visit miss Peggy's place
yes, they talk about this and that but
still, Miss Peggy had several
spaded black cats in her place and
mother would ask her three young boys
to come out and visit Miss Peggy's house
unfortunately,
i
was the only one
brave enough to say that i have
a deep fear inside my chest that sing out
then I said, mama
i
am really scared of
those
big black cats are creeping around
in
Miss Peggy's house
the black cats looked like
centurions guards and griffins
standing along the
halls and stairs,
with
their marble red eyes and
white Cheshire smiles and
i
cried when mama
said
boy you come over here
and
give Miss Peggy a nice big juicy kiss and a fat hug
i
finally screamed out loud
and
said
mama
i
am really scared of
those
big black cats in Miss Peggy's house
and
that
Miss Peggy's has a thick black mustache
and
i
did not want to kiss her strange lips
will
i
I was unable to pass through.
Miss Peggy's house anymore
A group of five Scots folk
Went to Tesco on the way
To visit cousin Caroline
One fine, bright, spring day.
The ladies are the cousins.
They were buying lunch as a treat.
They phoned up Caroline to ask
If there were foods they couldn't eat.
So Caroline's granddaughter said
"You know what you should do?
Text them back, say all is fine,
As long as there's no Tofu!"
They brought a buffet style feast
And spoke about their trip.
They shared some funny experiences
The entire stories... not just bits.
An afternoon of fun and laughter
And they lit up the day.
Caroline and her husband Brian
Had gifts to give them before they went away.
This group had a mischievous plan
Eager to involve Caroline in the joke.
Once the granddaughter left the room,
An opportunity struck and they spoke.
When she came back in again
They all watched and smiled at her.
She wondered what was going on
As she sank into the chair...
One of them told the granddaughter
"We have a special gift for you.."
She slowly unfolded the wrapping
To find a chunk of Tofu!
Everyone erupted into fits of laughter
As she looked back their way.
Caroline said, "See, I told you she wouldn't
Know how to react! She's too polite to say!"
It was still in the fridge after several weeks.
The girl chuckled and enlightened her Nan,
"I've got brilliant idea!
Do you want to hear my plan?
Although I hope they know that
I'm extending their joke, not being mean,
Shall I send it in the post to them
Saying "It's Irish! Look! It's green!?" "
[Caroline said "No!.. chuck it away!"]
A friend of mine best left behind
could not resist clutter
She’d cluck her tongue and pile up some
with each and every mutter!
I’d come for tea and heaven’s me
the kitchen table bore
Piles of papers, clips and pens
and envelopes galore!
Just lookie here, I’d say to her
“Where shall I put my cup?”
She’d move a pile of laundry
and then she’d laugh “What’s up?”
Tiring soon, I took pan and broom,
and box and bag and tidied
Well she was livid and truly pissed
at all the tidied.... I’d did!
You keep your junk I roared at her
but don’t call me to that table
Maybe next year I’ll return
that is unless you’re unable?
Please dear friend it’s best you see
to finish what you start!
Clean this HOUSE, fold those clothes
I’m done with this heart to heart!
** A Very Memorable Christmas Present **
Someone made an err::
Boxing Day ‘ere’s
Been the day of — not after.
What started as the greatest
Christmas ever, turned
Us from better to worse
As our tempers grew, altered
After our fingers were slid into
Those gift-wrapped firm gloves of leather,
Punching through the room’s air
At each other
With words roused from harsh to meaner,
‘Till our referee pup barked
To end our Round 1, forcing a turnover
Into creating a round of rich laughter.
Re-freshed, happier, remembering our
Proper manners appropriate to honor
Our Savior’s birthday…We resolved
A return trip to the store to trade
That shared present of boxing gloves for
A healthier, sturdy set of parallel bars.
————————————————————————————————————————
(c) sally young eslinger 12/25/22
Happy Birthday, King Jesus
11/21/16
Just a snippet
Made out in the land of crickets
You either did or didn't
Put forth the effort, time and commitment
Above and below the ridges
Hits and misses
Pushing it to the limits
Got to take care of business
From the start past the finish
Again and again with a quickness
And swiftness
Focused on nearby surroundings and in the distance
People looking at you funny if you are or aren't religious
The same could be said for being superstitious
Gas, solids and liquids
The terrain and weather calm,scorching or frigid
Mild to extreme conditions
Learn from your mistakes and understand the difference
While still in existence
Benefits in using eucalyptus
And many things that are citrus
She liked the smell of hibiscus
And having koi fishes
Some only talk pigeons
And chicken
Grand openings started with the cutting of a ribbon
Golf courses with divots
Sentimental and valuable dishes
Historical bridges
Kid friendly music or explicit
Messages encrypted
Future events predicted
Shallow to deep ditches
We know there has been cannibalism
Before and after many schisms
Have other life forms ever paid us a visit?
No proof of the truth, therefore does it make it fiction?
Respect the environment and ecosystem
To you and your kindred
Best of wishes
By: Dalton Ogletree
Princess' intelligence was exceeded only by her strong diligence
To school she was sent to learn golden rule
We're blessed by this little gem and also pressed
In summer to a retreat she was sent_bummer
There she met the King at a special tea
He gave her strength and light, soul to save
Now our Princess lives in the King's strong tower
Far above life's stress and is blessed with love
She's now bride of the king since the vow
This story needs to end with some real glory
But don't have a clue now so I just won't
Sponsor: Mystic rose
Contest: Plucky Two By Nine
Written: March 2, 2015
Now Christmas in July seems crazy - I’m sure I hear you say
That has got to be plain silly - but this is the Aussie way
Christmas is in December you insist it’s a well-known fact
But in this land way ‘Down Under’ our seasons are ‘out of whack’
July is Aussie winter while in December it's scorching hot
Those Three Wise Men may know the reason but then again maybe not!
A time for relaxing with family and friends spreading the good cheer
Sip a glass of Lilly Pilli wine or toast with a VB beer
Frosty Christmas in December - for some it seems so right
Tinsel and baubles festooned - Oh what a delightful sight
Presents around the Christmas tree decked with lights and holly
Cheery little Santa’s look so happy and so jolly
In December air-cons turned cold mimicking our winter in July
When Santa rode his sleigh down south to Oz coming from the land up high
With a Ho Ho Ho he now powers his jet ski - riding mighty waves
He coasts straight onto our golden sands joining parting people and raves
Remember my friends it is a time filled with Peace and Joy
To commemorate the Special Birth of a Baby Boy
Worry not friends we don’t miss out on all that wintry good cheer
For you see folks here in OZ - Christmas always comes twice a year
Author’s Note:
'Christmas in July', which is also known as Yulefest or Yuletide in Australia. July is generally the coldest month of winter, so celebrations emulate the atmosphere of the northern hemisphere winter. So that means hearty food like roasts, and warm drinks in front of fireplaces and bonfires. Don’t be alarmed folks! – Just for the record, here in Oz we have a second helping and do celebrate Christmas on 25th December with the rest of the world.
~‘out of whack’ - An Aussie term for ‘Out of Sync’~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Synopsis from the composer of the song and clip -
"The Aussie Christmas Song" by Batesy. Published on Dec 18, 2012
‘One Christmas eve I was singing carols about dashing through the snow & a white Christmas and thought "Aussies don't have snow at Christmas" and it was also 30 degrees outside, so The Aussie Christmas Song was born, it's about sun, sand, backyard cricket, pavlova, and a cold beer - Ah!! - Sing along!!!’
I sit at my computer musing and trying to compose meaningful verse.
Try as I might with Shakespearian panache my lines to intersperse,
With profound nuggets of enlightenment to attain universal fame,
My concentration is lost in a fog, like an ever-changing movie frame!
I suppose I could blame this dilemma on my dear, long-suffering spouse.
She's cooking beef stew for supper - the aroma is wafting about the house!
Now, how am I to concentrate on versifying when my palate is just itchin',
To delve into that delectable ambrosia she's slaving over in the kitchen!
Ah! I can hardly wait to taste that mouth-watering olio awaiting me!
She makes the best in town, tossing all kinds of stuff in that potpourri!
Of course there is the best of beef that she has tenderized and diced,
And the scrumptious gravy with exotic herbs she has liberally spiced!
She adds sweet peas, a tolerable amount of corn and russet pertaters,
And just enough onions for my taste, green peppers and fresh termaters!
Green beans, carrots and a tad of celery top off this fantastic brew!
Le Cordon Bleu Chef at the Ritz dare not concoct a more elegant stew!
Alas, I've wasted all afternoon trying to hatch up some credible rhyme,
But my thoughts have been consumed with that ragout laced with thyme!
Ah! My wife announces supper is ready so I'm gonna load my plate!
That poetic masterpiece I had in mind today will just have to wait!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
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