Poetically Pathetic Crow
Just enough to make it just
I want this to be enough to make this
The last song ever, the last note ever
The last romantically, poetically sad excuse for an apology, epilogue
But I've already messed up the melody that would've carried me to the finish line from this moment in time
So if you would allow me to pick up my fragile pieces, go back to my quiet solace
Hit reset and start all over again...
This Wild Life, my muse today
A consistent mainstay
I just hope it helps okay
I made a mistake, a miscalculation
A slight misconception
Played a song to induce tears
I knew it would hurt
You'd think I would learn
It's been gone for years
And I can't get it back
You'd think I would learn
Cause for years, it's all I asked
Then I said, "Get Away, Get Away
Just give me some space"
Hey, This Wild Life
Is it okay for me to turn this into a song for myself
Give it away, give it away
Let me have this today
Don't Say no, at least not right now
For right now, I'm not fine
I'm not alright
And there goes my melody tonight...
I called you here, stay here please
I will get this right
Sarah, hey how are you
No, please don't look so confused
No, you did nothing wrong here
No, you haven't appeared in a blue moon
Forgive me, I just miss you
So soon, everyday feels so soon
Years too late and it feels so soon
Don't leave! Wait! Just hear me out
Please just stay, no don't turn away
I need you okay, I need you okay
If I told you to listen to this song
Would you say okay?
What did you do so wrong to me?
I turned the thought over and over in my head
Found negative answers instead
I turned the thought over in my head
And wanted to go home to sleep instead
I turned the thought over in my head
What did you do so wrong to me?
And there it is, the question it seems
You don't know and I don't apparently
What did you do so wrong to me?
Played our song on repeat as you told me constantly like a tape recorder mouthing off all your indecencies
As you washed yourself of me with love and all it's other drugs
Were you snug like a bug in your rug as you took your blanket shape shifting it like a knife constructed to pierce me
Were you happy knowing that you slit both my wrists and broke my neck leaving me dead
Did you ever once consider how I felt, did you ever even hear me when I said you were all I had left
Did you ever once hear me when I said you were all I had
You were all I had
There it rises, the problem I have with you
The anger, the rage your memory ensues
My gut says to hate you for all you put me through
The lies, the false goodbyes, the way you had me by rope tugging at me
A blind dog on all fours
My gut says to hate you
Call this the end, scream for you to
"GET AWAY, GET AWAY! LEAVE ME BE THIS DAY!
JUST GET AWAY, GET AWAY! Let me dabble in the misery you plagued me with this day"
While my heart says, "No, shut up. Sarah, I love you. Don't leave, stay with me. Sarah, pick up the phone, contact me. Sarah, I love you; say something to know you remember my name. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah please don't give up on me
As my mind bust out laughing maniacally, "She doesn't love you, why else would she torture you? Torture your insides till you felt like you were bleeding all the time?
Why would she love you, embrace you when all your love was blind?
Why would she love you when you've been living in her vicinity; you've lived in the same city as her and yet you've only seen her face once
Nearly collapsing on sight from a panic attack when you wished it, wanted it, asked for it
You cowardly fool, why would love someone like you when it's so much more fun to torture you? Muhahahaha!"
To be fair I thought you, Sarah, were all mine
Though maybe in truth my love was blind, I thought you were all mine
How many shared your fruit with me?
And that's what brings me to my dilemma
Why I called you here
Why I play this song on repeat, intentionally messed up the melody yet still keep it intact
Please don't go away, go away
Sarah, please stay
I am selfish, I don't understand
With you, I knew what it meant to be a man
Sarah, I'm lost without you
I'm no one, you were my dream come true
Sarah, I diluted myself with poison and revenge
I've turned green with envy, wanting you; demanding that you return to me so I can have the real closure I've wanted for so long
But all this closure that I seek, is for me to kiss your cheek and say see you soon
8 years later and it all still feels so soon
Don't get away, get away
Sarah, please answer me
Do you have any pleasant memories of us?
Do you think of us anymore?
I, cluelessly in love with you
You, blissfully radiant too
All I have are these downhill memories
A giant snowball of negativity
Please share with me what you have left
Sarah, please don't go away
I still carry pictures of you for my sake
So I don't run out of my house, screaming "where are you?!"
So I don't call your phone feeling blue saying I miss you
Sarah, please don't go away, go away
I need you okay
Sarah, please don't leave me all alone again
I can't keep screaming at your moving pictures saying I hate you with rage
I can't keep staring at your heart with wonder and puppy dog eyes
Thinking softly if I'm still there, somewhere
Sarah, please don't go away
I'm lost this day....
But she never answered me
She never heard me
I stare blankly at this mirror, envisioning her face
But it's just my own, twin streaks of tears rolling
This Wild Life singing softly
"Don't say it's over"
But it's over
It has been for 8 years
I've tried to twist time, make her mine one last moment for a lifetime
I saw it once, she was my forever
I am her never
What's funny is I know the words she'd say if she read this
She'd say incredulously
"Awe Russy, I'm impressed
You have a way with your distress
I love you too but there's no more room for you
I'm happy you see
You need to move on cause you won't be happy chasing after me"
But the thing is in small steps, I have moved on
There's a lovely lady I'm chasing west coast bound
I repeat for it to be real cause honestly it still sounds so make believe to me
That I am traveling to California to be with a girl I saw in the same light I saw Sarah
And I'm terrified, terrified
So I call back on my first promised wife
I don't say hello, and I won't say goodbye
I'm just letting my mirror know that I'm letting you go
So it can pass it on to your reflection so you can see me in your eyes one day and finally get back to me
Just don't say I love you too...
Just tell me "I remember you"
Because I can't forget you too
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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