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Poetically Pathetic Crow

Just enough to make it just I want this to be enough to make this The last song ever, the last note ever The last romantically, poetically sad excuse for an apology, epilogue But I've already messed up the melody that would've carried me to the finish line from this moment in time So if you would allow me to pick up my fragile pieces, go back to my quiet solace Hit reset and start all over again... This Wild Life, my muse today A consistent mainstay I just hope it helps okay I made a mistake, a miscalculation A slight misconception Played a song to induce tears I knew it would hurt You'd think I would learn It's been gone for years And I can't get it back You'd think I would learn Cause for years, it's all I asked Then I said, "Get Away, Get Away Just give me some space" Hey, This Wild Life Is it okay for me to turn this into a song for myself Give it away, give it away Let me have this today Don't Say no, at least not right now For right now, I'm not fine I'm not alright And there goes my melody tonight... I called you here, stay here please I will get this right Sarah, hey how are you No, please don't look so confused No, you did nothing wrong here No, you haven't appeared in a blue moon Forgive me, I just miss you So soon, everyday feels so soon Years too late and it feels so soon Don't leave! Wait! Just hear me out Please just stay, no don't turn away I need you okay, I need you okay If I told you to listen to this song Would you say okay? What did you do so wrong to me? I turned the thought over and over in my head Found negative answers instead I turned the thought over in my head And wanted to go home to sleep instead I turned the thought over in my head What did you do so wrong to me? And there it is, the question it seems You don't know and I don't apparently What did you do so wrong to me? Played our song on repeat as you told me constantly like a tape recorder mouthing off all your indecencies As you washed yourself of me with love and all it's other drugs Were you snug like a bug in your rug as you took your blanket shape shifting it like a knife constructed to pierce me Were you happy knowing that you slit both my wrists and broke my neck leaving me dead Did you ever once consider how I felt, did you ever even hear me when I said you were all I had left Did you ever once hear me when I said you were all I had You were all I had There it rises, the problem I have with you The anger, the rage your memory ensues My gut says to hate you for all you put me through The lies, the false goodbyes, the way you had me by rope tugging at me A blind dog on all fours My gut says to hate you Call this the end, scream for you to "GET AWAY, GET AWAY! LEAVE ME BE THIS DAY! JUST GET AWAY, GET AWAY! Let me dabble in the misery you plagued me with this day" While my heart says, "No, shut up. Sarah, I love you. Don't leave, stay with me. Sarah, pick up the phone, contact me. Sarah, I love you; say something to know you remember my name. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah please don't give up on me As my mind bust out laughing maniacally, "She doesn't love you, why else would she torture you? Torture your insides till you felt like you were bleeding all the time? Why would she love you, embrace you when all your love was blind? Why would she love you when you've been living in her vicinity; you've lived in the same city as her and yet you've only seen her face once Nearly collapsing on sight from a panic attack when you wished it, wanted it, asked for it You cowardly fool, why would love someone like you when it's so much more fun to torture you? Muhahahaha!" To be fair I thought you, Sarah, were all mine Though maybe in truth my love was blind, I thought you were all mine How many shared your fruit with me? And that's what brings me to my dilemma Why I called you here Why I play this song on repeat, intentionally messed up the melody yet still keep it intact Please don't go away, go away Sarah, please stay I am selfish, I don't understand With you, I knew what it meant to be a man Sarah, I'm lost without you I'm no one, you were my dream come true Sarah, I diluted myself with poison and revenge I've turned green with envy, wanting you; demanding that you return to me so I can have the real closure I've wanted for so long But all this closure that I seek, is for me to kiss your cheek and say see you soon 8 years later and it all still feels so soon Don't get away, get away Sarah, please answer me Do you have any pleasant memories of us? Do you think of us anymore? I, cluelessly in love with you You, blissfully radiant too All I have are these downhill memories A giant snowball of negativity Please share with me what you have left Sarah, please don't go away I still carry pictures of you for my sake So I don't run out of my house, screaming "where are you?!" So I don't call your phone feeling blue saying I miss you Sarah, please don't go away, go away I need you okay Sarah, please don't leave me all alone again I can't keep screaming at your moving pictures saying I hate you with rage I can't keep staring at your heart with wonder and puppy dog eyes Thinking softly if I'm still there, somewhere Sarah, please don't go away I'm lost this day.... But she never answered me She never heard me I stare blankly at this mirror, envisioning her face But it's just my own, twin streaks of tears rolling This Wild Life singing softly "Don't say it's over" But it's over It has been for 8 years I've tried to twist time, make her mine one last moment for a lifetime I saw it once, she was my forever I am her never What's funny is I know the words she'd say if she read this She'd say incredulously "Awe Russy, I'm impressed You have a way with your distress I love you too but there's no more room for you I'm happy you see You need to move on cause you won't be happy chasing after me" But the thing is in small steps, I have moved on There's a lovely lady I'm chasing west coast bound I repeat for it to be real cause honestly it still sounds so make believe to me That I am traveling to California to be with a girl I saw in the same light I saw Sarah And I'm terrified, terrified So I call back on my first promised wife I don't say hello, and I won't say goodbye I'm just letting my mirror know that I'm letting you go So it can pass it on to your reflection so you can see me in your eyes one day and finally get back to me Just don't say I love you too... Just tell me "I remember you" Because I can't forget you too

Copyright © | Year Posted 2016




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Book: Shattered Sighs