Long Bartender Poems

Limericks VII - Naughty, Bawdy, Risque, Absurd

There continue to be modern sequels of the famous "Nantucket" limericks, including this bawdy one of mine:

There was a lewd whore from Nantucket
who intended to pee in a bucket;
but...

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Twenty two years had passed  by

She blinked, and a lifetime had passed

She started this job as a lark

She never thought it would last

Two husbands and rehab were part of this bar

The husbands...her clients all...

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Doggerel II: Doggerel about Doggerel, or, More Nonsense Verse

The Board
by Michael R. Burch

Accessible rhyme is never good.
The penalty is understood:
soft titters from dark board rooms where
the businessmen paste on their hair
and, Walter Mitties, woo the...

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I saw a girl at the museum. I had to take her number
It was like my heart woke up from a long slumber

She was admiring a Picasso painting.
 I knew nothing about art so I...

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Was it a cruel twist of fate?
Sneering, laughing chance?
Perhaps something I ate?
A bad bout of happenstance?

It wrenched and tore at my gut,
A sickening, sober, foreboding sign.
Wretched chance it was not,
This time was by insidious design.

The...

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Red light, the neon beer sign on the distant wall reflects off the long expanse of polished bar top, overpowering the quiet brown wood. It’s after lunch, only a few people in to stir the...

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Kerris  spoke to Damian the junior 
Bartender on the phone.  "Yeah, it's 
8 o'clock now.  I'll be there  at 9 to
Open.  Meet me there at that time."
He smiled happily thinking...

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The fifth floor was decorated 
With fancy art work. Molly 
Rang the bell. After a few
Minutes an attractive older
Woman answered the door.
She threw the door wide Open 
After she saw them 
with Damian. "Hello Hello...

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Never will i depend on no female, because we paid. Trust, money up top, ask around we rock, because we paid.  No time to wait and sit, bless my day so we paid. Baby...

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He sat all alone, drinking jim beam and coke

Looking out as the waves crashed ashore

He kept to himself, drinking jim beam and coke

As the storm winds would batter the door

He'd only come in when the...

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JACKS AND THE BOOM BOOM ROOM HISTORY AND SPOKEN WORD

Before the Boom Boom Room in San Francisco’s Fillmore District came to be, it was Jack’s.   A poppin’ groove organ funk soul jazz club...

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Lisa and I finally tested covid-free! When we saw our results, we began an impromptu dance that felt like levitation.

Although my covid case seemed much milder, Lisa’s been nothing but supportive. Why just yesterday morning,...

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Sitting dying alone,
In this dark and dingy place 
It has now become my home..
The only open bar 
In town, I needed something to heal my broken heart
I'm on my 8th round, Going on Nine now!

Swaying...

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A Magical Journey Poetry Contest
Constance La France

"When we were hit by the magic wand's spell we suddenly became swans"
Quote by author

I hold three magic rocks, in my hand
Rolling them over and over and over
Leaving this...

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I am Kerris Hakim, bartender trade by night.  Here at Fahrenheit Lounge I've heard
Stories of patrons who dared to live, and lovers who had suddenly died.  
Graduating from law school without a dime....

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As morning glowed pale light over the town of Soup Creek,
Jenna woke with a start when she heard a floorboard squeak.
She raised her gun and took aim at a shadow near the door,
"Hold it right...

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Chorus 1:

Damn girl,
If you need some grease,
Why can't you just
Squeak a little,
Squeak a little? (1)

Take time,
Let the voices cease,
Your life adjust,
Breathe a little,
Breathe a little! 



Squeaky wheel will always get the grease they say,
Never has...

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Note: If you haven’t please check out part one before reading this. 
It will make more sense that way Thanks.


Time moves slower than a rusted windmill on a still day 
as I am unable to...

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MY GREATEST ADVENTURE

The greatest adventure of my lifetime took place in a quaint little town on the East Coast  ---  a town whose name I can't remember.  Oh, but the girl, I...

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Time moves slower than a rusted windmill on a still day 
as I am unable to avert my stare, frozen in this spot,  
captivated by an intoxicating charm smoother than Tennessee whiskey 
that hasn’t...

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Let me be Frank.

I pulled up to the Stork Club in a bright Red Coupe Deville. I must admit I felt a bit of pride as I tossed the bell hop the keys. I said...

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A kettle can never call a pot black 
Are they not from the same world of pain?
I swing my Ego in one last time of my life
And i was caught in the absence of hundred...

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get back to the basics busting fat laces running the bases
it used to be cool to obey the golden rule yet that went out the door in 64
open the door for your neighbor then you...

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My heart needs a home,
I’ve tried fitting it on bookshelves among fantasy novels and romantic stories,
but for some reason,
JRR Tolkein wouldn’t let me in between him and Danielle Steele,

I’ve tried placing it by my stereo;
in...

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Bottom feeders flourish

When the economy's a bust

When bad times are the norm

And good times turn to dust

When neighborhoods go south it's sad

But a sign of their demise

Is when a bunch of pawn shops open up

Before...

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