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Limericks VII - Naughty, Bawdy, Risque, Absurd

Limericks VII - Naughty, Bawdy, Risque, Absurd There continue to be modern sequels of the famous "Nantucket" limericks, including this bawdy one of mine: There was a lewd whore from Nantucket who intended to pee in a bucket; but being a man she missed the damn can and her rattled john fled, crying: "f**k it!" —Variation on a classic limerick by Michael R. Burch Here's another take on a golden oldie: There was an old man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He awoke one dark night from a terrible fright to discover his dream had come true! —Variation on a classic limerick by Michael R. Burch Here are some lewd, crude originals: There once was a multi-pierced Bull, who found playing hoops far too dull, so he dated Madonna but observed, “I don’t wanna get married . . . the things she might pull!” —Michael R. Burch There once was a forward named Rodman who said to his best man—“No problem! When I marry Electra, if the ring costs extra, just yank a loop right off my knob, man!” —Michael R. Burch A formidable pugilist, Mike, in a fit of pique called his mom “Dyke.” She frowned ear to ear, then said, “You listen here, I can still whip your butt, you dumb tyke!” —Michael R. Burch A cross-dressing dancer, “Dee Lite,” wore gowns luciferously bright till he washed them one day the old-fashioned way ... in bleach. Now he’s “Sister Off-White.” —Michael R. Burch There once was a bubbly bartender, a transvestite who went on a bender. “So I cut myself off,” she cried with a sob, “There’s the evidence, there in the blender!” —Michael R. Burch Our president’s sex life—atrocious. Asian markets are all hocus-pocus. Politics—a shell game. My brief moment of fame— flashed by before Oprah could notice. —Michael R. Burch Bill Clinton's a man we admire; his opinion polls soar ever higher. He gets much more flack for a Big Mac attack than for his sexual high-wire. —Michael R. Burch There is a new term, “Clintonian,” which means, “Stop your naggin’ and moanin’. He’s only a man doing all that he can to put kneepads in the Smithsonian.!” —Michael R. Burch Ghostbusters! Is Ogden Nash gnashing his teeth? Is his ghost rolling ’round in wild grief that the Post would make crimes of his “imperfect” rhymes? Call Ripley’s—it stretches belief! —Michael R. Burch NOTE: The Washington Post in all its great wisdom would ban Ogden Nash’s imperfect rhymes from its limerick contests! Keywords/Tags: limerick, sex, naughty, risque, lewd, bawdy, vulgar

Copyright © | Year Posted 2020

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Date: 4/7/2020 2:32:00 PM
I would encourage you to add to Jan's collaboration! Thanks for the laughs! Aloha! Rico
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Michael Burch
Date: 4/7/2020 6:19:00 PM
I will, thanks! Glad to provide a few laughs in such a depressing time.
Date: 4/7/2020 8:16:00 AM
Superb humour Michael, just what the doctor would order at these difficult times, I am giggling so much at your witty poems and the title is perfect for this string of poems. I have a limerick collaboration going at the moment I think its right up your street:-) hugs Jan xx
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Michael Burch
Date: 4/7/2020 6:26:00 PM
Hi Jan, I'm glad I made you giggle. How do I find your limerick collaboration? Please feel free to use any of mine that you like, as long as I know which ones for my records. I've been published over 5,000 times and now call myself "one of the world's most-published complete unknowns." :)